Help with shy guy

Hi, I would be grateful if you could help me with the shy guy I'm dating please. I met him online and he was very charming and sensitive which attracted me since the first conversation we had. After that few first conversation he then appeared to be hiding. I did some reading about shy guy and tried to help him along the way as he also told me from the start that he was shy and innocent. We arranged to meet up for the first time after 2 to 3 months of chatting and he always canceled the meeting. I thought at the time that it might have been a catfish so I was very curious and went to meet him at his place . I was actually quite lucky as if he was some kind of murderer ...I wouldn't have been still alive. So I met him and felt really attracted to him, he couldn't also resist...kissed me and I was not sure what made me so mesmorized by him...I couldn't resist any of his advances. We were really attached to each other. However so far he made time to meet me only 3 times and that's over 3 months after the first meeting g as he said he is very busy. I have been feeling very hurt and crying a lot because I think I have fallen in love with him but all he does seems to be hiding ( busy with work) . He won't talk on the phone...if I call him , he won't pick up the phone as he mentioned before that he was shy. The more I ty to forget about him ,the more I miss him . Everytime I disappear for a while , he would send a message asking if I am ok . Please advise me, what should I do?

Same guy? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=550077

lol yes, sorry i just saw the last message. I think i am just insane. I can't forget him. :-( Whenever i try to forget him , he would send me a message asking if I am ok and wanting to meet ...

Work on your self esteem by reading articles how to. When you have a healthy self esteem, you won't accept bread crumbs from guys. A guy will have to treat you right to stay in your love when you have self love. In the future, if a guy doesn't ask you out within two weeks of chatting, move on. You've wasted half a year of your time with someone who just isn't that into you.

Your bigger problem is going to some random guy's place! What were you thinking? You need to smarten up and not do that again.

Hi Everyone, thank you so so much for your advice. The truth hurts ,definitely I will make sure not to do such stupid things again. I have never really done these things as i am reserved and shy myself. I am on dating websites and there are people asking me out everyday but i am not really interested as i have fallen for this person. It's as if i have been drugged which i don't understand myself. I have actually chatted with one of his female workmates on Facebook earlier today. She confirmed with me that he is actually very geeky, nerdy and shy. She said that he is very caring and she doesn't think that he would cheat. They chatted in the past at work and he always said that he never cheated.She wished me luck. I think i will just treat him as a friend, try to forget him in romantic way and move on. Thank you so much everyone, really appreciate your time reading this and replying to me xxx

Oh today i also asked him if we should split but he replied he liked me and thinks i am amazing and attractive. His workmate actually said that maybe he is scared of his feelings for me and thinks I am too good for him. Prior to asking her about this, I looked on her posts on fb and could tell that she is a kindhearted person and very lovely...

Wow. I think you're getting into stalker mode, speaking to people you don't even know about him. It's time to get off of the internet and out into the real world. Try meetups.com or a co-ed sports team or volunteer work, but not until you develop some self esteem because you're not mentally ready to safely date right now. And most of all, it's not about what he wants. Subconsciously, we choose who we think we're deserving of. You think you deserve to be ignored, which means you have a lot of work to do on yourself to prevent winding up with an abusive or neglectful partner.

Wow. I think you're getting into stalker mode, speaking to people you don't even know about him. It's time to get off of the internet and out into the real world. Try meetups.com or a co-ed sports team or volunteer work, but not until you develop some self esteem because you're not mentally ready to safely date right now. And most of all, it's not about what he wants. Subconsciously, we choose who we think we're deserving of. You think you deserve to be ignored, which means you have a lot of work to do on yourself to prevent winding up with an abusive or neglectful partner.

Ouch! that hurts but thank you for waking me up. I think I stepped into the masculine energy doing some reading about shy guy and they all recommended that women need to do the work as shy guys are too shy to open up and they just can't make a move. I just followed the advice, which doesn't seem to be a good idea at all. I need to be me now. I am shy and reserved myself, never really done these things before so. Thank you once again for your advice xxx

He is not a 'shy guy' if he has kissed you on the first date and has only seen you three times in the past three months. If you said that the first date was like talking to a wall, then he started to warm up on date 2, okay, he might be nervous or shy - but he isn't. He is just not that interested.

Ahhhh, this is kind of what i don't want to say but we kinda talked about kissing for 3 months before we met and you know that kind of intimate talk thing so he was prepared for it and i was too subconsciously. I met him outside the development where there were guards and i could tell straight away he was professional and very polite, he lived in a secured development and was in my car when he came over to greet me and that's why i felt safe to visit his place. I could really tell he was very nervous... and the reason why all the meetings were cancelled because of his nerves ... he never really admitted it with me but i can tell as when i mentioned he looked very stressed and uncomfortable ...

Ahhhh, this is kind of what i don't want to say but we kinda talked about kissing for 3 months before we met and you know that kind of intimate talk thing so he was prepared for it and i was too subconsciously. I met him outside the development where there were guards and i could tell straight away he was professional and very polite, he lived in a secured development and was in my car when he came over to greet me and that's why i felt safe to visit his place. I could really tell he was very nervous... and the reason why all the meetings were cancelled because of his nerves ... he never really admitted it with me but i can tell as when i mentioned he looked very stressed and uncomfortable ...

Okay -- you can defend him all you want --- but he is not shy if he is talking "intimate talk" with you on the phone. He is a grown man who makes enough money to live in a gated community so he is not this man who is crippled with fear. He doesn't want to date you enough to see you. Maybe because he started the intimate talk so soon and moved to physical contact quickly, maybe he has simply backed off -- because sex would be next. I would make no further effort and date someone who actually WANTS to spend time with you and DOES it. I would NEVER go on a date with a man or meet him if it was "intimate talk" before we met.

Yes, I will try to forget him now. so far i refused everyone because i have fallen for him. I have to move on now. I'm tired and shouldn't waste any more time as well. Thank you so much for your advice, i am very grateful. I need this as i don't really have a family to consult.

Yes, I will try to forget him now. so far i refused everyone because i have fallen for him. I have to move on now. I'm tired and shouldn't waste any more time as well. Thank you so much for your advice, i am very grateful. I need this as i don't really have a family to consult.

You should ALWAYS accept coffee dates with other men until you truly pair off with someone or want to date one on one to see where it goes. This was not one on one dating at all -- you saw the guy once a month if that and it was not long distance. There was no commitment. If he had dated you once a week, etc, and you had nice conversations - i could see telling someone "i met someone and i want to see where this goes" but you had to pull teeth to get him to see you. Just go on lunches and coffee dates for first and second meets - not someone's house and no hot and heavy talk.

sorry double posts

Then you for your time :-)

Thank you for your time Andrina ...most guys asks for phone number after saying hi and also want to meet up after the second sentence. I always told them ( I am the one who wants to wait ) that i want to chat first so that we won't waste time meeting up as we might not look for the same thing or might not be compatible. I waste a lot of time meeting people just to find out that they want sex or their profile pics were 10 years ago pictures and it really puts me off meeting up at the moment. I kinda feel more like chatting until I feel like ok he is good enough to meet up ... otherwise I don't have motivation to meet anyone at all... even the good looking ones... really fed up to be honest...

Dear Capricorn3 , thank you for your time with my message. I am new to this site and would be interested in having advice from the shy guys themselves . How can i do that please? Many Thanks xx

Dear Capricorn3 , thank you for your time with my message. I am new to this site and would be interested in having advice from the shy guys themselves . How can i do that please? Many Thanks xx

lillyva, please just continue within this thread. People will reply to your questions here. Thanks.