Signs he's not 100% out

I found out a few weeks ago that my husband has been unhappy and was about to leave me for someone else. He has since decided not to be with this woman and has stopped talking to her. Throughout the last few weeks, I've seen a change in hin. He's gone from telling me that he doesnt love me anymore and saying theres no chance and hes done to being there for me (this is very hard on me), talking through some things, and giving us a chance to go on dates again. He does, however, say he needs space. I'm currently on a solo trip to just get away from the pain. I'm scared to death during this time that he will change his mind. He is very confused and hes saying that he needs to find himself again and the guilt is still consuming him. There have been subtle signs telling me he's not 100% out. He still wears his wedding ring half the time. Hes agreed to move into one of our vacant rentals that is currently for sale (and doesnt seem to be selling). While I'm on my trip, I've found out hes staying in our home and sleeping in our bed (he hasn't moved into the vacant house and has been staying with friends). He keeps in touch with my parents as well. Are these signs that he is still in our marriage a bit?

Well, it could also mean his girlfriend doesn't want him or doesn't want him moving in. I would proceed cautiously and see what he does.

You two need some marriage counselling either together or apart.

I know he is done with her because I personally know her and her husband. He is trying to decide whether to be alone or with me at this point.

You two need some marriage counselling either together or apart.

I agree. I have seen a counselor once. He doesn't want to because he thinks counsellors are pointless. I will continue to see one once I'm home from my trip

I know he is done with her because I personally know her and her husband. He is trying to decide whether to be alone or with me at this point.

Are you willing to be with someone who makes a decision of this magnitude based on the flip of a coin? You're placing yourself at his mercy, while putting this pathetic sleaze on a pedestal.

Respect yourself...

I think you should start to act more like he is losing you, if he is having doubts that fear will be in your favour.

Look, him being indecisive in being alone or with you would be one thing but another different thing is that he's a cheater and got in a relationship with a married woman and as soon as that didn't work out suddenly he wants to keep you close as comfort while he decides what he wants to do. That's plain disrespectful and making it seem that you need to simply accept that he's a cheater and that he gets to decide what to do while you're at his mercy.

If you think that you too can work through the broken trust and you can feel that he loves you and that he's with you for you and not because his affair didn't work and he doesn't want to be alone... fine but I wouldn't hold my breath as he doesn't even want to go to counselling and he's not even showing he's sorry for having been a cheater. He sounds very selfish and insensitive. At least show him that you can leave at any moment because you won't tolerate his cheating and selfish ways.

"Are these signs that he is still in our marriage a bit?"

- No.

To him, you going away signals an end to your appeasement.

That scares him! It forces him to start thinking about all the consequences of his stupidity.

Don't suggest counseling. Don't suggest anything to him. Doing so is weakness which he'll use to get more time with her.

Yes, it's nowhere near over.

To understand infidelity, read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough". (Never let him see this book!)

PS, To help you understand... the most powerful line you could ever say to a cheater is: "I'm happy for you! You finally found the kind of woman and life you deserve.

If he realized he made a huge mistake and wanted to right the wrongs, he wouldn't say he needed space. He would be trying everything in his power to regain your trust and be putting daily effort into the marriage.

I would never give a cheater a second chance. He has poor ethics, and a person's ethics rarely change. A loving, emotionally mature man will pull out all of the stops if there are problems in the marriage, and if that doesn't work, he will make a clean break before beginning a new relationship.

I believe that if you proceeded with a divorce, with time and distance away from this player (wears his wedding band HALF the time--what a prize), you will wonder why on earth you wanted it to work out with a man capable of this scummy behavior.

My suggestion is to get your finances in order. If his name is on any of your bank accounts or credit card accounts, have him removed. Have your name removed from any of his credit card accounts, if possible. Consult a lawyer. Don't be a victim twice over if he's trying to keep you around just so he doesn't have to share his assets, or if he doesn't want to give you what is fairly yours. It's time to have self-love and do what's best for yourself. Pamper yourself and surround yourself with the support of friends and family right now. It'll be a while before you can see a bright future, but believe me, it's there if you watch your own back. Take care.

"Are these signs that he is still in our marriage a bit?"

- No.

 

To him, you going away signals an end to your appeasement.

That scares him! It forces him to start thinking about all the consequences of his stupidity.

 

Don't suggest counseling. Don't suggest anything to him. Doing so is weakness which he'll use to get more time with her.

Yes, it's nowhere near over.

 

To understand infidelity, read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough". (Never let him see this book!)

 

 

PS, To help you understand... the most powerful line you could ever say to a cheater is: "I'm happy for you! You finally found the kind of woman and life you deserve.

Or simply leave him and stop acting as if he is the one who has to decide if she's worth the effort or not.

This is what happened I would bet:

He was banging some married woman and her husband found out, threatened to kick his butt and divorce her so she ended it.

Your "husband" realized his little fantasy was dead and came running back to you but he wanted to keep you on the ropes just in case something new opened up.

You are nothing but a back up plan to him so stop thinking he loves and respects you because he doesn't. You are convenient, nothing more.

How about you start getting some respect for yourself? He cheated on you, lied to you, slept with a married woman and then treated you like an option. Is this the life you want?

Do you have children? How many properties do you own?

A divorce will ruin him financially so he is probably angling towards keeping you on the edge of hope so you don't divorce him while he finds a new woman to bang behind your back.

You have allowed him to take your self respect and dignity, don't you think it is about time to take them back?

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