Sadly today I'm a 40 yr old virgin

Today is a sad miserable day in my life. I'm an official 40 yr old virgin. Not just a virgin, a kissless virgin!! I never thought this day would come. I can't believe that I'm 40 yrs old and still a virgin and I never had a gf or kissed a girl. I have absolutely zero experience with girls. I ask myself the questions: Why me? How can this be? Is this a dream? What did i do wrong? I know I'm short and born different than the normal average guy but I'm nice friendly, outgoing, I love the outdoors, nature, working out and being in good shape and much more. Isn't that what girls want in a guy? Why not just ignore my height and looks and just give me chance? But that has never happened yet. Half of my life is over and I really doubt that I will ever have a gf or kiss a girl. The only way for me to have that experience is seeing an escort but who knows, that escort could turn me down.

And today I got 3 packages in the mail from my friends. All 3 sent me the same gift, Lol, I got 3 dvds of the 40 yr old virgin. I was like really??? What am I going to do with 3 copies of this DVD? Of all of the dvds out there you send me this?? I don't even watch tv at all. Hopefully I can return it to Wal-Mart or target for store credit.

You could take a vacation in Nevada. At some of the larger brothels, like the Mustang Ranch or the Bunny Ranch, the girls have experience with people who are "different." Some of the girls actually consider themselves social workers in this regard. You can call ahead and make sure they will be able to accommodate you.

What kind of "friends" are those? Sounds like they're making fun of your situation and that's cruel more than anything.

Have you tried the dating sites or asking women out that you meet along the way?

Please don't lower yourself to go to a brothel for goodness sake! You will regret it and you won't feel good knowing your first experiences was with a woman you had to pay to touch you.

It doesn't need to be nasty like that! Keep asking women out and wait until you find one who connects with you.

IwishIKnew has MHE. It's a disfiguring disease. The girls at the brothels have experience with people with problems. They will make him feel special.

I stand corrected. But it certainly is up to OP. Would have been helpful to have that information.

Please don't lower yourself to go to a brothel for goodness sake! You will regret it and you won't feel good knowing your first experiences was with a woman you had to pay to touch you.

It doesn't need to be nasty like that! Keep asking women out and wait until you find one who connects with you.

Hey dude,

read the book how to be a 3% man from coach corey wayne.

I wanted to say Happy belated Birthday, iwishiknew!!

I recognize you from posting on the board over the years.

I'm really sorry you are sad. I truly do wish you the best.

I think its more than your condition that keeps you from finding love. I know someone who has CP and uses a wheelchair and has a lovely (inside and out) wife. So there has got to be an element of woe is me or your standards are too high for women in the looks department. I think i remember reading your job was not stable- -- so that doesn't always attract women either. You have to have something that attracts them - whether it be stability, facial looks, a sense of humor, etc. Have you considered instead of going to look for prostitutes who will not give you emotional satisfaction that since you have not had sex - to consciously choose chastity? you might find some peace in that. But because you are not coming off as desperate - you never know - after awhile, someone might come into your life because you are no longer the desperate dude. Maybe there are women with your condition as well where you would have a good understanding of eachother.

While I don't have a physical disability I know what it's like to be undesirable to others. As abitbroken says, you need something that attracts them. But no one is worth putting yourself in that position to be judged and discarded when something better comes along. I have grown to despise the thought of having a relationship. At least you know what a prostitute wants.

You know yourself better than anyone here knows you, you should do what you feel is best.

Today is a sad miserable day in my life. I'm an official 40 yr old virgin. Not just a virgin, a kissless virgin!! I never thought this day would come. I can't believe that I'm 40 yrs old and still a virgin and I never had a gf or kissed a girl. I have absolutely zero experience with girls. I ask myself the questions: Why me? How can this be? Is this a dream? What did i do wrong? I know I'm short and born different than the normal average guy but I'm nice friendly, outgoing, I love the outdoors, nature, working out and being in good shape and much more. Isn't that what girls want in a guy? Why not just ignore my height and looks and just give me chance? But that has never happened yet. Half of my life is over and I really doubt that I will ever have a gf or kiss a girl. The only way for me to have that experience is seeing an escort but who knows, that escort could turn me down.

 

And today I got 3 packages in the mail from my friends. All 3 sent me the same gift, Lol, I got 3 dvds of the 40 yr old virgin. I was like really??? What am I going to do with 3 copies of this DVD? Of all of the dvds out there you send me this?? I don't even watch tv at all. Hopefully I can return it to Wal-Mart or target for store credit.

I think your confidence is shattered/non-existent. That's probably more of a barrier to successful dating than your height or appearance. I know a 5 ft ripped guy who has a smoking hot girlfriend now who's 4'11". It's got to be something else.

Couple questions for you to consider:

What else about your appearance don't you like, and how do you hope to change those things?

What hobbies/interests do you have?

Have you been on any dates? If so, how did they go?

Are you financially secure and in a good job?

No, I have been out on a date. Only time I been out with a girl was in a small group for class projects back in college. It was really nothing at all, just doing a project we had to do for class. I've tried online dating before and didn't work out. Never got a response. Online dating is nothing but a looks game.

I'm always active, Im fit and athletic, I only weight 115 lbs. I enjoy the outdoors and nature. I like biking and running. I can still run a mile within 5 mins. I spend a lot of my time outside as much as I can. I'm not rich at all. I work part time and i do side jobs.

What I don't like about my appearance? My Lumpy bone structure, my arms, my short height and facial structure of my chin and cheek bones. There's not much I can change of my appearance. Yes it can be corrected with surgery but I don't have money for that

Girls gravitate towards 3 things; looks, personality and money. If you have all 3, it simply rains girls all day every day. What those 3 characteristics have in common goes back to every humans' primal need. In the case of females, they want a mate with good, strong genetics, and the ability and mentality to protect and provide. Back in the day, if you were (unfortunately) small in stature and 'a nice guy' the saber-toothed tiger probably ate your ass for lunch.

Fast forward a few hundred thousand years and not much has changed. For the most part, females want the strong, alpha male to provide and protect not just them, but any potential offspring. Looks are pretty self-explanatory. Muscles, good features and all that signal a strong mate. Kind of like feathers on a peacock. Money is also self explanatory. Someone once said, men don't drive nice cars because they like them. They drive a nice car because girls like them. How true that is can be debated, but it was funny.

In your case, it sounds like you might be lacking in both those areas, so let's look at personality. This is probably the hardest trait to understand. I don't care what anyone says, the majority of girls gravitate towards men who are NOT the 'nice guy'. By that I mean if you're an emotional doormat, a pushover, someone who lacks even a drop of testosterone and/or that guy who might as well be a girls gay best friend, then your out of luck. Don't get me wrong, it's important to have 'nice' qualities. Someone who is charming, polite, kind and all that crap is definitely important. However what is more important is that you have those qualities as well as a 'bad boy' side. Call it confidence or cockiness, anyone who's had their share of girls knows what I'm talking about.

It'd take too long to explain, but basically if you approach every girl like it's going to be some fairy tale romance and you're playing the role of the prince, you're screwed. That just isn't real life. So my advice to you is this.

If you're broke, forget about that angle.

If you think you're ugly and physically unappealing, then girls will probably see you that way as well. For sure we all have insecurities, but being confident in you is the only way around that. It simply comes down to your mindset. You could be the ugliest mf'er on the planet, but if you walk into a room thinking you're the baddest mf'er on the planet, chances are there's a few girls out there that might buy into it. You say you work out? You got muscles? Flaunt that ... and I don't mean by wearing those super stupid g-string tank tops, but something that complements your physique. I'd suggest taking up boxing or MMA. That will definitely give YOU confidence. Guaranteed.

Lastly, in your case it really sounds like personality is your 'in' towards not becoming a 41 year old virgin. Be confident. Think of all the reasons a girl would be lucky to be with YOU. Let that resonate into your being until you actually start believing it. A girl is not doing YOU a favor by talking to you. It's the other way around. She's lucky that YOU decided to grace her with your presence. If she's not grateful for that opportunity then she was too stupid to be worth your time anyway.

It seems like I'm always invisible. I do put my self out there but no luck. When I go to the park I always seen this one girl who always runs the opposite direction. We always lap each other about 8 times and she never looks at me. I look at her with smile and nothing. For being a good runner, i would think she would at least look at me once or acknowledge me but that never has happened. Seems like all girls are like that towards me because I'm different.

Which online dating site did you try? Recently I stopped getting responses on OKCupid after generally doing OK for about 5 years (by OK, I mean I will work the site pretty hard for a week and maybe get 1 or 2 bites). You may need to try some different apps, and it does take some effort and some time before you can get noticed. Lately I have had the best matches from Coffee meets Bagel, but I think the key is to try everything and see which dating pools are good in your area. Looks are one thing, but also important is the quality and content of your photos, and the attractiveness of your profile as well. And then the receptiveness of a particular dating pool.

On another note, you say that girl hasn't smiled back at you and you seem invisible. You may need to try a little harder to be noticed. Which, if you have insecurities, can be extra hard, because you have that inner voice saying "don't look at me". You like the outdoors and physical activity. How often do you do these things with a group? Why not get to know some of the people you are playing with, and perhaps ask someone out on a date from there? You can't wait for the girl to notice you and give you the "it's OK to ask me out face" - you might have to be a little bolder. Strike up some conversations with people - not in a "I'm hitting on you" way, but in a "You seem interesting I want to know more about you" way. Then give the "want to grab coffee sometime" line a try. I'm not in your specific situation, but the more experience of this kind you can get the better. I have noticed many incremental improvements in my own behavior over the last few years of really trying. If she says no, that's OK - you were just practicing anyway. Keep at it! You can get more comfortable talking to women, it is a skill that takes time and practice like any other. If you intentionally keep at that, eventually it is pretty likely someone will say yes.

Next is to work on building some skills during actual dates. Which is also not a cakewalk, but well worth the effort. Confidence I have built dating has actually helped me in other areas of my life. A couple years ago I was in my early 30s and afraid that I would be a 40-year old virgin. I'm not 40 yet, but I am still a virgin, and yet the fear is gone. I'm pretty confident I will find somebody before too long, but even if I don't at least I am happy with the gains I have made and have more peace about my own situation than I used to. There is more to life than sex anyway.

It seems like I'm always invisible. I do put my self out there but no luck. When I go to the park I always seen this one girl who always runs the opposite direction. We always lap each other about 8 times and she never looks at me. I look at her with smile and nothing. For being a good runner, i would think she would at least look at me once or acknowledge me but that never has happened. Seems like all girls are like that towards me because I'm different.

She is probably in her zone. I know when i am exercising i don't make eye contact and smile -- she might not even see you smiling. Also, its awkward to know what to do when passing someone on the street --- whether to say hi and nod or whether to just keep going and most people keep going. A guy can be the most stunningly handsome thing to walk the planet and i am not going to smile and say hello when i pass him on the street unless i already know him. So have you ever said 'Hi' and nodded if you pass her when you walk in and she is tightening sneakers on the bench or ask some mundane but relevant question "is the high school team coming in today in a little bit like they did yesterday?" "did they fix the A/C?" if its inside and the A'c was recently broken. And keep in mind, she could have a boyfriend, be not the right age for you to date etc but its not about picking her up -- its just being friendly and dropping the attitude "all women think i am a freak". If you have that attitude, people pick up on it.

Women are more likely to date someone who has a challenge (disfigurement as you say you have) if he is a good listener, has a good sense of humor and has an avocation. In otherwords, is not a whoa is me and i am at a dead end job and hate my life

Today is a sad miserable day in my life. I'm an official 40 yr old virgin. Not just a virgin, a kissless virgin!! I never thought this day would come. I can't believe that I'm 40 yrs old and still a virgin and I never had a gf or kissed a girl. I have absolutely zero experience with girls. I ask myself the questions: Why me? How can this be? Is this a dream? What did i do wrong? I know I'm short and born different than the normal average guy but I'm nice friendly, outgoing, I love the outdoors, nature, working out and being in good shape and much more. Isn't that what girls want in a guy? Why not just ignore my height and looks and just give me chance? But that has never happened yet. Half of my life is over and I really doubt that I will ever have a gf or kiss a girl. The only way for me to have that experience is seeing an escort but who knows, that escort could turn me down.

 

And today I got 3 packages in the mail from my friends. All 3 sent me the same gift, Lol, I got 3 dvds of the 40 yr old virgin. I was like really??? What am I going to do with 3 copies of this DVD? Of all of the dvds out there you send me this?? I don't even watch tv at all. Hopefully I can return it to Wal-Mart or target for store credit.

Firstly, ditch the friends. They should build you up, not tear you down. You don't need that toxicity in your life.

As for the rest; I know it's perhaps a small comfort, but you aren't the only one out there. Plenty of 40+ year old kissless virgins out there, I've seen them around online. You're certainly not the only guy who has issues getting dates either.

Still, that isn't to say you should throw in the towel. What have you tried doing to meet / get to known women?

It may be worth seeking a dating coach, or therapy.

But because you are not coming off as desperate - you never know - after awhile, someone might come into your life because you are no longer the desperate dude.

There's nothing in his post that suggests he's desperate.

It seems like I'm always invisible. I do put my self out there but no luck.

I know the feeling buddy, but you'd be better off seeking help through therapy or maybe another site.

Those friends live out of state and they always like to play jokes. I have never heard of a dating coach, how can this help me?