Texted my ex and ruined all the progress I'd made

I was dating this guy for a while. A few months in, he starts acting distant. When I asked him about it, he told me he's way too busy trying to establish himself, and hence unable to give me time. And I accept that and am fine with it.

Things worsen over time. He rarely replied to my texts and even if he did, they were cold and forced.

Coming back to the point, we broke up a week ago. Exact. He told me the relationship had become a burden to his career and thus needed to let it go. I begged and pleaded for hours but nothing could change his mind. He believed he was at peace without the relationship and wanted to keep it that way.

The morning after, I felt completely dead inside. But that's good right? Of course, the memories haunt me day and night and I keep breaking down from time to time. But I wasn't feeling completely heartbroken throughout the day. Probablu because he'd taught me to live without him and I was doing just that.

I did the cliched "texting the ex thing too"

I told him I missed him and wanted him back three days after breaking up. He said he wanted nothing to do with me. Four days later, I texted him asking how he was doing. Rookie mistake. Everyone knows that's just an excuse to start a conversation.

Today, i ran into him at university. This was the first time we met after the break up and i wasn't ready for it. My hands started shaking and we ignored each other completely. I came back home and told him it shouldn't have to be this hard. He dismissed it.

The truth is, he has moved on. How could he just cut me out of his life like that? From speaking everyday to complete strangers? How could he leave me without an explanation? Without even a solid reason? How could be treat me like i never mattered? How could he behave as if the past few months didn't even happen? I cannot come to terms with this. I cannot accept how we simply became strangers. I simply cannot deal with the fact that he'll never come back, that he'll never text me again, that he doesn't even want me back.

What do I do?

So you're still in school and he's working? What is your age difference?

To say he's treated you coldly is an understatement.

And yes, you know this, but you'll have to stop texting him. Like, literally, never text him again. Remove him from social media, and don't let yourself look. He's moved on, and you'll need to as well.

I know this is hard, and I'm sorry you're hurting. :(

The more you text and beg and plead the more he'll try to keep you away. I'm sorry for this, it hurts, but it's the reality. The best you can do is respect your wishes and be away from him like he asked. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it's better to actually know where you're standing (not together) than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't give you the time and attention required in a committed relationship. It's really frustrating to be with someone who doesn't make the time for you. Now at least you know where you stand and can start focusing on your life and on healing and moving on. It's not really about you or a personal rejection to you, but it's a decision from him that you need to respect.

I know it's hard, but one of the things that helps is total NC... and by that I also mean no social media snooping... it makes everything worse. The first instinct when being broken up with is the begging and pleading and denial of the situation, but you need to control your urges. Sometimes it means deleting and blocking the person on everything so that it's easier to keep NC and heal. If you're still in school now is a good time to focus on that, even though it might seem the last thing you want to do.

You're free now to work on yourself and actually find someone who prioritises you and has time for you.

He never cared for you in the 1st place. I've had that happen to me as well, the more I texted them, the more I pushed them away. More important then that, I was like a dog begging for a bone (def not dignified). Delete his number, block him on social media and do your best to avoid any contact.

Let this be a lesson to everyone who thinks about breaking NC before they are fully healed. It's ok, it happens to everyone but you need to start at Day 1 NC and move forward. Heal and focus on being the best version of yourself. Time will take care of the rest. Thinking of you!

If it makes you feel any better, I think we've all done some foolish things in the name of love.

And if we are lucky, we learn from it and promise ourselves we won't ever do it again.

Shake it off. Know that you aren't alone and be kind to yourself. It's bad enough to be left behind. Don't needlessly punish yourself anymore.

I think I tend to be the “cold” one in these situations... whether I am the one that ends it or vice versa. I do it because it helps me stick to my boundaries, and because I get super frustrated when the other person is trying to convince me to change my mind, or trying to make me feel guilty. It doesn’t mean I didn’t care... quite the opposite, I care very deeply about people I invest time in but for me when it’s over it’s over... there is no point in going back and discussing it further brings up feelings I don’t want to process in front of the other person.

That all being said after time passes I usually end up friends with them but it does take time away for that to happen.

I'm 23, and currently pursuing my MA. He's three years older, from the same university.

Thanks guys. I get it. NC is the only way. I'd even sorta gotten used to it. But running into him yesterday opened up all wounds and I felt like crawling back to him. But I didn't. Once he replied, I resisted and did not reply back.

Good for you. One step at a time