I feel like my boyfriend of two years cheated on me?

I am 23, and my boyfriend is 26. We have been dating for two years. So I'll cut to the chase. Him and I use condoms, always have. He was planning to go away on a trip for a week to see his dad in another state. Before he left we had sex, and when he was gone I dumped our trash. When he comes back we had sex again, but when I went to the trash I noticed two wrappers instead of one. He said he found it on my side of the bed, but I had cleaned and even threw away a wrapper I found on my side of the bed coincidentally. I don't think we were talking about the same one? Anyways, my theory is that he brought back the condom wrapper on accident and it got tangled in his stuff so he just threw it away in our bin.. is this stupid? Other things that may help is he asked me to go next time to where he visited, and after I asked him if he cheated he told our friend I had accused him right in front of me. Please help

Anyways, my theory is that he brought back the condom wrapper on accident and it got tangled in his stuff so he just threw it away in our bin..

Condom wrappers get forgotten. No matter how well you think you clean up. Seriously, it happens.

You don't have any other reason to believe he cheated other than your theory that he used a condom with some other woman while on a trip, and then accidentally took his trash back with him and threw it away in your trash.

Other things that may help is he asked me to go next time to where he visited, and after I asked him if he cheated he told our friend I had accused him right in front of me.

These facts don't help at all. They are irrelevant. Is there anything else at all why you believe he cheated on you?

If not...you are blowing this way out of proportion and if I were you, I'd apologize to him asap.

My boyfriend and I were dating for 5 months when

he broke up with me, due to too much fighting, jealousy, etc.

Seems like a regularly occurring theme with you two, how much longer are you planning on staying on this roller coaster?

OP, why do you immediately suspect cheating?

If you trust him this little, it's better to end it. You can't have a relationship where there is no trust; you'll drive him and yourself insane.

No I think it's the same one you thought you threw out. If you're talking about accidentally bringing a wrapper along and things getting tangled up, it's more likely you accidentally did not clear the trash completely. If you really want to get to the bottom of this, you can investigate when and how many condoms were bought, how many you used. Of course you'll need to do this accounting in your head. To openly audit his condoms is too insulting and unloving. You may as well break up if you are capable of doing this to him.

No I think it's the same one you thought you threw out. If you're talking about accidentally bringing a wrapper along and things getting tangled up, it's more likely you accidentally did not clear the trash completely. If you really want to get to the bottom of this, you can investigate when and how many condoms were bought, how many you used. Of course you'll need to do this accounting in your head. To openly audit his condoms is too insulting and unloving. You may as well break up if you are capable of doing this to him.

Haha I would not encourage the OP to start counting condoms. This is not the issue. The issue is she has major trust issues. One instance of miscounting/misplacing leads to immediate accusations about cheating. That's really low in my book and I suggest you need to work on this Jadesmith.

Just because the little irrational voice in your head tells you something, doesn't mean you should listen to it. Go with solid proof, and please stop looking for things to accuse your bf of.

Yes, you are overreacting.

In life, often the simplest explanation is the correct one.

What sounds more plausible?

That he found a condom wrapper on your side of the bed - the same side of the bed where you also recently found a condom wrapper. Yes, you cleaned, but those things can easily slip under the bed or between things, etc.

OR

He went on vacation to see his father and he thought to bring condoms on the trip (because they were the same brand, etc). He met up with some girl that you had no clue about and presumably brought her back to his father’s house to have sex with her. He had sex with her and threw the condom wrapper on the floor top of his clothes which he did not put back on (because if he had put them back on, the condom wrapper would have fallen away). He then scooped up his clothes without folding them or shaking them about and shoved them in his suitcase. When he got home and found the condom wrapper, he did not have a guilty enough conscience to try to conceal the wrapper in the garbage or to dispose of it in a discreet way, he just threw it in the empty bin for you to see.

I mean... I would put my money on the idea that he simply found one on the side of the bed.

Hi, so I posted something yesterday about this but feel like I didn't add all the information I wanted. For those of you that didn't read it, I feel like I was cheated on while my boyfriend went to his dads house in a different state to help him move. Basically, it started like this. We had sex using a condom before he left, and while he was gone I changed our sheets, cleaned etc. I even picked up a wrapper that was on the side of our bed on my side. When he got home, we had sex again. I looked in the trash & saw there was an extra wrapper that he says he put in the trash, that coincidentally he also found on my side of the bed even tho I didn't see it. (So two) I can't think of any reason why I didn't see it, as I cleaned the room. When he came back from his trip, he was also complaining that it hurt down there. He went to the doctor and they said it was an abscess. I asked if he had cheated, and if he might possibly have an STD and he said no, and shortly after told his friend/our roommate what I had said, and how I thought he was cheating while I was in the room. I have a funny feeling because I know I cleaned, and I did this on purpose so that I wouldn't find anything because I knew I'd thrown the trash away. I'm not sure if this helps but when he was gone he called me quite often, and even told me how he was planning to take me next time. Some people have suggested to me that he most likely wanted me to find it, but I don't believe that because he knew how nervous I was that he was going on the trip, as I knew he may be seeing a female friend or two. Part of me feels bad for even accusing him, but the other wants to KNOW.

Well, if he cheated on you he's unlikely to admit it, but the best move would be to talk to him about your concerns and let him know why you are on edge. My guess is, though, there are other problems in the relationship if you're this worried. Does he have other behaviors that indicate he's cheating?

I did talk to him and he said that he didn't cheat on me, then when I dropped it kept repeating that he didn't. I'm wondering if since he randomly decided to blurt to our roommate what was happening if he was just upset I accused him because he was innocent. If he was guilty, why shine the spotlight on himself, you know?

I know I probably sound absolutely nuts. I just can't shake why I didn't see the wrapper he was talking about when I had cleaned, and picked up a wrapper in that same spot. i also don't know if him telling our friend basically putting himself on the spot, shows he's innocent

That is a legitimate red flag. If you have a history of accusing him of cheating without any real reason for believing so, I could understand him being upset. However, if the relationship is healthy, it should be able to withstand a conversation about infidelity. It could be indicative of guilt if he repeatedly brings it up or tries to make you feel bad about asking questions.

At the end of the day, though, whether he cheated or not, it's clear you don't trust him. Ask yourself why, outside of this incident, it is that you don't trust him. Trust is essential for a relationship to function. You are clearly unhappy and on edge. It may be time to end the relationship if you can't find peace with his answer.

So what's the supposedly new information here? Still sounds crazy insecure.

So what's the supposedly new information here? Still sounds crazy insecure.

I agree.

Looks like you're board hopping using responders to ease your anxiety.

You need to get help.

The simple fact is if you can't manage to be in a relationship without constantly believing they're being unfaithful you need to be single until you face those demons.

It's insulting to board hop like this. Let's be honest, you're not going to leave. You aren't the first person and you won't be the last to obsess over their partners fidelity thinking if they could just watch them enough or stop them or catch them, they'll feel secure. You won't. If you actually found out he cheated you wouldn't leave. This is about you, not him, not your relationship. You either trust him or you don't and if you don't. Leave. It doesn't matter what our opinions are we If you don't trust him, leave.

Again, why are you leaping to the conclusion that he's having sex with someone else? Have you ever had a legitimate reason to be suspicious of him?

If you trust him this little, the relationship is essentially dead in the water.

You will never know what you can't see, touch, and feel. Learn to trust yourself and your ability to choose well, be loved, and recover from pain.

Threads have been merged.

Does this roommate use condoms?

his friend/our roommate

There's a third thread.

Apparently mentioning that his (female) friend from high school's cat sadly passed away means they "hung out".

You do not trust this guy because he slept with his ex when you two were fighting and (I guess) on a "break". And you're going to keep assuming he's cheating based on that.

This is no way to conduct a love relationship.

There's a third thread.

 

Apparently mentioning that his (female) friend from high school's cat sadly passed away means they "hung out".

 

You do not trust this guy because he slept with his ex when you two were fighting and (I guess) on a "break". And you're going to keep assuming he's cheating based on that.

 

This is no way to conduct a love relationship.

Ahhhhh, thanks for the added info.

Ok, so that is the new information we needed to know. He slept with the ex on a break. Well, if you forgave him then, you must forgive him still. You can't keep bashing him over the head with it. You are young, this is what young people do sometimes in order to deal with upset and repair bruised egos. My partner found an old condom wrapper in one of his tool boxes from when he lived with his ex, those wrappers do manage to get about somehow! We don't use them as I am sterilized. Did I fly off the handle and accuse him of cheating? No, because I knew he hadn't. It was just one of those things that fall into the category of 'stuff happens'.

So, a. you either get your self confidence together, enjoy your relationship, and if, in the future, he does cheat on you, you'll know you're strong enough to walk away and start afresh with your head held high.

or b. you spend every day of your relationship miserable, thinking the worst and counting condoms, only to drive him to the point later on down the line that he has enough and leaves anyway.

You pick.