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Did sth shameful and lost now


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Seeing this guy for a long time, never became an item but still going out. Snooped his diary once. He knew and forgave me but I know trust was breached.

 

He trusted me though but the chance arose again and I snooped again, this time I saw his social media passwords.

With a lack of self discipline and no sense of integrity at that moment I looked at his old convo. Found out he was chatting with a girl, met up and hung out with a girl he met during holiday (when he was seeing me) almost two years ago. Basically they met in holiday and hung out - probs food and did some sight seeing for once or twice together and went separate ways (as both were visiting different cities afterwards) but he kept her updated about his trip, sending her photos and videos - it was all friendly and not even flirtatious. I remember back then I was very upset as he went so quiet during his trip and didn't send me many photos. As I read the convo I became furious and super jealous - he never opened up his world to me but so generously shared so much with this stranger girl, and so I impulsively unfriended her on his account out of anger and jealousy.

 

Now I feel very shameful and anxious. I am not proud of myself and I hate myself for what I did. I am also anxious because I realise the unfriending it is tracked on your activity log - and it cannot be removed and cleared.

My conscience is eating me up and I have refrained from logging into his account again. But I am so scared and anxious he will find out that 'he' unfriended her, and suspect or find out it was me who snooped and went into his account, and even unfriended his friend.

 

Please tell me what is the best course of action from now

Do I apologise to him

Do I contact the girl and explain to her and ask her to add him back, asking her to help me tell a little white lie that she accidentally remove him - or leave it

 

I do not want him to question my character. He already did. I do too. I don't think I can ever see someone who does this thing the same. I don't want him to judge or question me. I know I should have thought through this before I did anything but it is too late now.

 

I feel very ashamed.

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How long have u dated him? Is there any reason why you're hanging around when he won't even offer you actual basic relationship commitment?

 

 

Also you don't trust him. Stop wasting your life on something that is going nowhere. Don't waste your best years on someone who doesn't care.

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He cares though

I have been so crazy to him but he still patiently listen and reason with me

He said he cares a lot about me

 

I think I was sabotaging everything by being crazy mean a nag and everything bad to him

Now he will be judging my character even more

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We dated for about 2 months and a bit in 2016. I left the country. We stayed in touch for a year until my return and we have been seeing each other for months now since my return. He spends every weekend with me..

But since I left I have been nothing but mean and a nag, pressuring him and accusing him. Since my return to the country I have been mean and everything, accused him often and get jealous.

He is not in love with me yet and hesitate about commitment with reasons (but anyone would if they experience how crazy/ insecure I am) but I know he does care a lot about me and likes me

but I realise now it was all my mistake - I snooped, repeatedly, lash out a lot and stuff.

 

And I feel very guilty.

 

what do I do now

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So how long have u dated him now all added up?

Nearly a year?

 

That's more than enough time for commitment. Are you sleeping with him? Does he integrate his life with yours. Do you exist in his life properly? Does his parents know about you, 9r his friends?

 

A relationship isn't a life sentence. You know you deserve better. If you're insecure and jealous, get therapy. But don't just think it's all your fault.

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properly in the same city and dating adds up to less than a year

I am sleeping with him

Does he integrate his life with yours. Doesn't seem like it

Do you exist in his life properly? we stay over on occasional week day night and go out on weekends

Does his parents know about you, probs not

9r his friends? he talked to his friends about me based on my previous snooping,probably bad crazy things.

 

I am ruining my chances further with him.

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He isnt taking u seriously and isn't intending on it being more than something physical.

 

Can you elaborate?

He did book a fancy special place for my birthday. Got me a card and stuff.

 

I do not want him to judge my character.

Are you saying I shouldn't care if he even finds out what I did and just move on?

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Well, first of all, if you're just dating this guy and it's nothing serious, why are you snooping on him so much? And then to unfriend his female friend? That's crazy jealous.

 

You know this already. The best course of action is not to log into his social accounts again. As to what to do -- do nothing. You're only going to make things worse. If he calls you on it, just deny everything. Don't say anything. It's better to deny everything and make him suspicious than to confirm that you are jealous and can't be trusted. And then you should seriously consider your relationship with him.

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Well, first of all, if you're just dating this guy and it's nothing serious, why are you snooping on him so much? And then to unfriend his female friend? That's crazy jealous.

 

You know this already. The best course of action is not to log into his social accounts again. As to what to do -- do nothing. You're only going to make things worse. If he calls you on it, just deny everything. Don't say anything. It's better to deny everything and make him suspicious than to confirm that you are jealous and can't be trusted. And then you should seriously consider your relationship with him.

 

Yes, but the evidence of the unfriending will remain with the date forever there and if he ever checks it there...he will see that 'he' unfriended her

The date will be a give away as he saw me around that date

 

but I guess there is nothing else I could do.... :icon_sad:

I feel very shameful and embarrassed and anxious now :(

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Yes, but the evidence of the unfriending will remain with the date forever there and if he ever checks it there...he will see that 'he' unfriended her

The date will be a give away as he saw me around that date

 

but I guess there is nothing else I could do.... :icon_sad:

I feel very shameful and embarrassed and anxious now :(

 

What do you hope to accomplish with your snooping and bad behavior? Do you think acting like that will make him love you and want a committed relationship with you?

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I think it's best you move on from this guy. This is unhealthy when you are just dating someone , which sounds like you want more, and snooping. There is nothing I'm afraid to say salvageable from doing what you did for this guy. You can apologize but chances are he will end dating you. If I were you, I would just walk away not say anything and wish him the best of wishes.

 

If someone makes you feel this insecure and won't commit to you, then they are just the wrong person for you.

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I wanted to understand him

I wanted to see evidence that he cared a lot about me and that he didn't like the other girls

 

My bad behaviour, foul attitude and jealousy probably are the biggest reasons why he has not committed to me yet.

He is not 'in love' and he wish he did, with me, but everything I do is just causing the opposite. I am self sabotaging.

He wants a girlfriend, he has been trying with me. I know he has done things to cope with/ adapt to me ..... but he doesn't reciprocate the same level / intensity of feelings. But given my behaviour, how 'unsafe' I am, I am not surprised I havent created the right safety and trust he needs to 'fall' for me and develop a stronger emotional connection.

 

 

I am extremely guilty and blaming myself now.

 

Maybe I am just finding excuses for him.

 

Maybe he is terrible and not deserving of me.

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Yet he's screwing you.

 

-_-...

 

 

Yeah I can clearly see what he's doing.

 

 

You are not a circus animal and you don't need to jump through hoops for some guy who's power tripping and doesn't actually want to, or ever intend to take your seriously.

 

he never intended to? I think he did

he wanted it to happen but he just doesn't feel that way (in part because of my bad behaviour and chasing, making him walk on egg shells etc)

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Yes but he really is not that bad a guy

He hasn't gone on one single date with anyone else since meeting me (know for a fact), some harmless and really minimal flirting with some girls maybe. Sleptover at a girls' during holiday he just met (no sex - i confirmed).

Just a guy who needed some ego boost, I have been sexually involve/ dated/ flirted with more guys the past two years waaaay more than him.

 

I don't know. Maybe I am finding excuses for him.

He wants a girlfriend. He wants to find someone, be close to someone.

It would be great if it was me (we both think that), but I am doing things which made him couldn't feel safe and trust me (he didn't say so, but I know).

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