Looking to improve myself

It seems like I have a hard time being alone. Every time I break up with someone I try to solve it by finding someone else. I want to change that about myself. But, I finding this really hard to deal with. I just don't know how to be independent. School helped me in just avoiding the situation because I was to busy to care about this but now that it's summer I'm stuck in this same situation. And even if fate has it be that I find someone during the summer I know once nursing school starts back up again I will have no time for them. I didn't even have time to enjoy things that I liked to do.

I've picked up some old hobbies like drawing but I find myself thinking about old relationships and wishing to have a boyfriend. Is there anything I can do to improve this? Is this just something that gets better with time?

I don't think there's anything wrong with you wanting to be in a relationship after ending one, but you have to examine whether this is a good thing or a bad thing for you, Do you go all in on every relationship, or can you casually date guy friends between serious relationships and just go out and have a good time? One cure for breaking up has always been to find another boyfriend. But do you do it because of neediness, or clinginess or loneliness? That can be a problem. But you don't have to prove you're a strong, independent woman by being alone. And I've certainly know women who always have a boyfriend. So I don't think it's a problem unless you think it's a problem.

I have friends like you. No it doesn't get better with time and you can keep being in one relationship and on to another, until it becomes an unhealthy balance and you decide to change (which is what you are doing).

i think you need to do some introspection. Is it out of loneliness or something else? Is being in a relationship some form of distraction ... if so what from? Do you like your own company (why not if your answer is no). Sometimes a relationship can be a source of external validation.

Maybe you can do a bit of experimentation.

Date yourself this summer. Be your own lover. Fall in love with yourself. Do different things together, like walks in parks and stuff. Marvel at your experiences together. See what is lovable and quirky about you. Discover /rediscover yourself. Find out what you like and don't like.... like, really find out. Yes, you mentioned you picked up old habits of yours like drawing. Any other things you liked / like to do? Take care of each other - when you are feeling down, soothe yourself like how a lover soothes their partner.

Hope this helps

I have friends like you. No it doesn't get better with time and you can keep being in one relationship and on to another, until it becomes an unhealthy balance and you decide to change (which is what you are doing).

 

i think you need to do some introspection. Is it out of loneliness or something else? Is being in a relationship some form of distraction ... if so what from? Do you like your own company (why not if your answer is no). Sometimes a relationship can be a source of external validation.

 

Maybe you can do a bit of experimentation.

Date yourself this summer. Be your own lover. Fall in love with yourself. Do different things together, like walls in parks and stuff. Marvel at your experiences together. See what is lovable and quirky about you. Discover /rediscover yourself. Find out what you like and don't like.... like, really find out. Yes, you mentioned you picked up old habits of yours like drawing. Any other things you liked / like to do? Take care of each other - when you are feeling down, sorry yourself like how a lover soothes their partner.

 

Hope this helps

This is great advise and after ping ponging between relationships I did just this ^^ - dated myself.

Getting to the other side takes some time. A great deal of time for most. Most people don't have the patience for it. It's also human nature to want to pair up with someone, so the desire doesn't mean you are weak.

But if you spend some time alone in an effort to get comfortable with yourself and know that you can endure some of the quiet times and at the same time find it enjoyable, you come out the other side making better choices in partners.

You are no longer choosing out of loneliness and you'll discover that you won't stay out of the fear of being alone as well.

This is great advise and after ping ponging between relationships I did just this ^^ - dated myself.

 

Getting to the other side takes some time. A great deal of time for most. Most people don't have the patience for it. It's also human nature to want to pair up with someone, so the desire doesn't mean you are weak.

 

But if you spend some time alone in an effort to get comfortable with yourself and know that you can endure some of the quiet times and at the same time find it enjoyable, you come out the other side making better choices in partners.

 

You are no longer choosing out of loneliness and you'll discover that you won't stay out of the fear of being alone as well.

Your reply has made me realise my phone's silly autocorrects e.g. sorry yourself instead of soothe yourself. I've now edited my earlier response accordingly.

I agree with the advice by reinventmyself too.

I think I just have a hard to being by myself. I feel like I'm going out with this men for all of the wrong reasons. I know this sounds pathetic but I'll date any man as long as I know I'm being loved by someone. I don't care about their looks or what they do. This way of thinking has put me in some horrible relationships physical and mentally abusive. I know as I don't have to prove but I honestly think I need to be strong, and independent. I think after typing out this comment that my problem is that I don't love myself and I look for others to love me. It feels a void that I'm not willing to fill in myself. If that make since.

After replying to someone on here I think I kind of understand why I'm like this. I don't love myself and I look for others to love me so I don't have to. This has put me in some ty physically and abusive relationships. My standards were basically anyone as long as they payed attention to me. I'm 22 and I've dated guys 20 years older than me because of obviously ty and insecure reasons.

I don't like my own company. I don't know why but this obviously seems like an area I need to explore more for self improvement.

I'm going to take your advice and try to date myself this summer. Hopefully I can stick to this.

I didn't really think about it but humans do have a desire to pair up with others. I have found that I pair up with others for unhealthy reasons. I want to try and spend time by myself before trying to love another person.

I think you've noticed some pretty profound things about yourself and what is currently motivating you.

It's a great place to start.

You got this Bowandhat! Like what reinventmyself said, you are starting at a great place.

Remember that no matter who comes and goes in your life, you will always have you. So work on and enjoy you. You wanna have positive connections with others, you got to first and foremost have a good one with yourself.

Abusive relationships, or any toxic relationship - When it comes down to it, if you think "Is it you or me?" You will make the choice. I got this from Madea .

To stay motivated, perhaps you could listen to motivational videos about loving yourself and improving yourself. My personal faves can be found on Youtube (check them out if you want) - Mensutra, Madea's relationship advice, Maya Angelou and Oprah.

Check out Maya Angelou's reading of her poem Phenomenal Woman.

All the best!

I've been in the same spot.

It took awhile to get over.

If you want to think about being in a relationship or dating go to the advice forums and read what other people are going through. It definitely dulls the desire to date or have a relationship reading the things people are going through. think about everything that went wrong in your previous relationships and what you could possibly do to change or fix it.

Focus on you. focus on what you love to do. You're going back to school soon so maybe read up or pre-study to get your mind off of things.