Meeting up with my ex! What should I expect?? (No pun intended)

Ok so since my breakup I’ve been posting on here regularly to help cope. Here’s a quick filler on the breakup and how it all went down (if you’ve read my previous threads skip this part!):

My ex and I were dating for almost a year. I broke up with him in January, because we got in little arguments a lot. A month later (Valentine’s Day) he reached out and begged for me back. We met at a little Mexican restaurant and sparks were flying again! We spent two wonderful months together after. I was soooo happy! Then almost exactly a month ago he dumped Me. We planned to move in together and had a great relationship up until the point he left for 6 weeks out of state for training for his new job.

I’ve never done long distance before and struggled. Got clingy, asked him to call and would get upset when he wouldn’t and I would see he was with coworkers (many of which were girls) on social media. Eventually the calls stopped coming. By the 3rd week there he hadn’t even called me in 8 days. When I’d ask why he’d say “I love you I’m just so stressed.” I knew it was coming.

One night I texted him saying how much I missed him, and he responded with “I’m so sorry Noelle but I can’t give you the attention you need right now. I love you and I want it to be us in the end.... you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me but I need to be alone.” He insisted he call me the next day to discuss it in person but I shot it down and blocked him for 9 days.

After 9 days I was still hurting just as bad as day one, inventing scenarios in my head, and when my curiosity became excrutiating I reached out, asking if he’d met another girl in Dallas. (After all his training class was 120 girls and 30 boys, all gay except for him and one other guy). He said “absolutely not”, and then tried to make small talk asking how I was doing, saying he wasn’t taking the break up well. His texts were dry, not intimate at all so I stopped responding.

About 4 days later I reached out again, practically begging him to consider meeting me when he got back in town (1 week away at this point). I had never felt so broken in my life. I was desperate. I had stopped eating (lost 14 pounds) stopped sleeping, couldnt think of ANYTHING but him. I felt like I was going crazy. I blamed myself for my neediness while he was away. His response was only “today’s a bad day. I’m in a bad mood.”

11 days passed. He came home back to the city. (What would have been our 1 year anniversary passed) and I was struggling really badly that day. I didn’t leave the bed. I cried for hours when I woke up and realized he wasn’t next to me on our special day and cried again at night when the day was over and I heard nothing.

Finally, he texted. “Was thinking of you today. I’d like to meet up. I know you want closure and I want to see you.”

Closure. That was why he wanted to meet? He had totally missed the point. I wanted to meet to reconsile not get closure. I declined. Told him I couldn’t go and just put myself through more pain. That I could be happy with someone who wanted me 100% and if he couldn’t give me that, I’d have to move on.

“What is it you want Noelle? I really want to see you one last time.”

“I want you. Do you love me? Or don’t you?”

“Of course I do, Noelle. But what does this mean for us?”

“I just don’t want to hurt anymore”

No response.

———————————

UPDATE:

He then “accidentally” called me the next day? Or so he says. Maybe it genuinely was a mistake or possibly a breadcrumb to make me think of him. Whatever it was, it worked.

I reached out again. “Is there any part of you that wants to try to fix this?”

He responded, “I don’t know what I want. You were so upset when I was in Dallas and I felt like it was my fault. Can we meet face to face, please? I’d much rather talk in person.”

I finally agreed. We set a time (5 days from then) and he picked the SAME Mexican restaurant we went to on Valentine’s Day to reconsile! (Does this mean anything??? The only time we’d ever gone there was Valentine’s Day. Maybe im thinking too much into it...?)

Now this is where I need help. Do you guys think I should prepare myself for the worst? I asked if I should bring his stuff with me and he said no? (Which is weird and I’ll probably bring it anyway). Then when I tried saying goodbye he just kept talking to me, joking, catching up like old times for about an hour after. It felt like old Noelle and J.

Finally I told him I had to go to bed, and I’d see him Wednesday. He didn’t respond. I haven’t heard from him since. I meet up with him in 2 days. Do you guys think this sounds like a good meeting or a bad one? What should I expect? I go from hopeful to hopeless off and on every hour it feels like. Haha. Opinions on this weird behavior? Or has anyone experienced something similar?

It seems like he does want to see me but he’s really confused? I know his new job put him under a lot of stress and now it’s been 8 weeks since we’ve seen each other in person.

Please help me piece this together! Any tips for meeting up with an ex?

If you need to beg and plead to have someone reconsider being with you, it means he is not 100% into you... and it also means that every time you bend over backwards to accommodate his comings and goings, he loses respect for you. The man didn't talk to you for 8 days, and now he gets to sit back and be the one to decide whether or not the relationship happens? Why? Don't you get a say in how he treats you? Fair warning here... if you allow him to treat you this way, he will keep doing it indefinitely.

He likely wants to talk in person so he can walk away guilt free from this and have you in his corner still. I wouldn't hold your hopes up that he wants to get back with you. Even if you do get back together, it will likely be because you wore him down with your begging and pleading and he feels too guilty to walk away... if that's what you want then by all means keep doing what you are doing.

^^^This^^^ Expect more heartbreak. You should go NC until you’re completely over him.

Am I imagining this...since in a previous thread you declined his invitation to meet up? I even responded that you should hear him out, but you were adamant in sticking with NC. And many members on here were applauding your strength in continuing with NC. You were labeled a pillar of strength and heralded as a role model of No Contact.

So what brought about this sudden change of heart?

Am I imagining this...since in a previous thread you declined his invitation to meet up? I even responded that you should hear him out, but you were adamant in sticking with NC. And many members on here were applauding your strength in continuing with NC. You were labeled a pillar of strength and heralded as a role model of No Contact.

 

So what brought about this sudden change of heart?

I know I knew someone was going to call me out! Lol.

Another guy asked me out on a date. A guy id had a huge crush on before I met J. Before J I would’ve jumped on the opportunity but when this guy “S” asked me, I instantly thought of J. I felt like I needed to know for sure there was no chance for us before I accepted this date, since J had just texted me the day before saying he did want to meet up.

Basically wanted to make sure the chapter was for sure closed before I allowed myself to move on and casually date anyone else. Before S, I’d denied every advance men had made towards me in the past month but I could actually see myself ENJOYING a date with S. But if J still loved me, and there was any chance... I wouldn’t want to do that to him. I asked J for just a phone call, but he insists meeting up. I am not sure if I should mention S or not. :\

I figured if I saw J face to face to face I would never have that “what if” regret of going out with S.

Ok so since my breakup I’ve been posting on here regularly to help cope. Here’s a quick filler on the breakup and how it all went down (if you’ve read my previous threads skip this part!):

My ex and I were dating for almost a year. I broke up with him in January, because we got in little arguments a lot. A month later (Valentine’s Day) he reached out and begged for me back. We met at a little Mexican restaurant and sparks were flying again! We spent two wonderful months together after. I was soooo happy! Then almost exactly a month ago he dumped Me. We planned to move in together and had a great relationship up until the point he left for 6 weeks out of state for training for his new job.

I’ve never done long distance before and struggled. Got clingy, asked him to call and would get upset when he wouldn’t and I would see he was with coworkers (many of which were girls) on social media. Eventually the calls stopped coming. By the 3rd week there he hadn’t even called me in 8 days. When I’d ask why he’d say “I love you I’m just so stressed.” I knew it was coming.

 

One night I texted him saying how much I missed him, and he responded with “I’m so sorry Noelle but I can’t give you the attention you need right now. I love you and I want it to be us in the end.... you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me but I need to be alone.” He insisted he call me the next day to discuss it in person but I shot it down and blocked him for 9 days.

 

After 9 days I was still hurting just as bad as day one, inventing scenarios in my head, and when my curiosity became excrutiating I reached out, asking if he’d met another girl in Dallas. (After all his training class was 120 girls and 30 boys, all gay except for him and one other guy). He said “absolutely not”, and then tried to make small talk asking how I was doing, saying he wasn’t taking the break up well. His texts were dry, not intimate at all so I stopped responding.

About 4 days later I reached out again, practically begging him to consider meeting me when he got back in town (1 week away at this point). I had never felt so broken in my life. I was desperate. I had stopped eating (lost 14 pounds) stopped sleeping, couldnt think of ANYTHING but him. I felt like I was going crazy. I blamed myself for my neediness while he was away. His response was only “today’s a bad day. I’m in a bad mood.”

 

11 days passed. He came home back to the city. (What would have been our 1 year anniversary passed) and I was struggling really badly that day. I didn’t leave the bed. I cried for hours when I woke up and realized he wasn’t next to me on our special day and cried again at night when the day was over and I heard nothing.

Finally, he texted. “Was thinking of you today. I’d like to meet up. I know you want closure and I want to see you.”

Closure. That was why he wanted to meet? He had totally missed the point. I wanted to meet to reconsile not get closure. I declined. Told him I couldn’t go and just put myself through more pain. That I could be happy with someone who wanted me 100% and if he couldn’t give me that, I’d have to move on.

“What is it you want Noelle? I really want to see you one last time.”

“I want you. Do you love me? Or don’t you?”

“Of course I do, Noelle. But what does this mean for us?”

“I just don’t want to hurt anymore”

No response.

———————————

 

 

UPDATE:

He then “accidentally” called me the next day? Or so he says. Maybe it genuinely was a mistake or possibly a breadcrumb to make me think of him. Whatever it was, it worked.

I reached out again. “Is there any part of you that wants to try to fix this?”

He responded, “I don’t know what I want. You were so upset when I was in Dallas and I felt like it was my fault. Can we meet face to face, please? I’d much rather talk in person.”

I finally agreed. We set a time (5 days from then) and he picked the SAME Mexican restaurant we went to on Valentine’s Day to reconsile! (Does this mean anything??? The only time we’d ever gone there was Valentine’s Day. Maybe im thinking too much into it...?)

 

Now this is where I need help. Do you guys think I should prepare myself for the worst? I asked if I should bring his stuff with me and he said no? (Which is weird and I’ll probably bring it anyway). Then when I tried saying goodbye he just kept talking to me, joking, catching up like old times for about an hour after. It felt like old Noelle and J.

Finally I told him I had to go to bed, and I’d see him Wednesday. He didn’t respond. I haven’t heard from him since. I meet up with him in 2 days. Do you guys think this sounds like a good meeting or a bad one? What should I expect? I go from hopeful to hopeless off and on every hour it feels like. Haha. Opinions on this weird behavior? Or has anyone experienced something similar?

 

It seems like he does want to see me but he’s really confused? I know his new job put him under a lot of stress and now it’s been 8 weeks since we’ve seen each other in person.

Please help me piece this together! Any tips for meeting up with an ex?

I don't think you'll ever get what you want out of him. Our situation is so similar except mines ghosted which kind of forced me into NC. For your sake, you seem to be going into the meeting with expectations. Never expect anything from an ex. He seems to not be fufilling your needs, and probably never will. Get someone who makes you feel secure, because he is not it. Even if yall do get together, you still might not get what you need out of him. Especially since guys learn how to treat you by what you tolerate so the fact that you are still talking to him after he left you for 8 days he knows you'll put up a fuss but probably will come back. Not only that but you are begging him back. There is a way to save some of your dignity and respect for yourself in this situation, dont be like me. I hope all goes well for you but be very alert.

You are meeting him hoping he'll ask to get back together (for the second time?)

If he doesn't ask you are going to be crushed. However if he does it's highly likely you will be crushed when he breaks up with you a third, fourth, fifth time...

How many chances does this guy get? How long are you willing to wait around while he plays "go away, come back" with your life?

I know I knew someone was going to call me out! Lol.

Another guy asked me out on a date. A guy id had a huge crush on before I met J. Before J I would’ve jumped on the opportunity but when this guy “S” asked me, I instantly thought of J. I felt like I needed to know for sure there was no chance for us before I accepted this date, since J had just texted me the day before saying he did want to meet up.

Basically wanted to make sure the chapter was for sure closed before I allowed myself to move on and casually date anyone else. Before S, I’d denied every advance men had made towards me in the past month but I could actually see myself ENJOYING a date with S. But if J still loved me, and there was any chance... I wouldn’t want to do that to him. I asked J for just a phone call, but he insists meeting up. I am not sure if I should mention S or not. :\

I figured if I saw J face to face to face I would never have that “what if” regret of going out with S.

My last ex was like him. Hot and cold. Push and pull and totally unavailable. I had my own ups and downs with him for 16 months and now its over. The hard truth is that people who really love and want to be with you do not play these I love you...I love you not kind of games. They want you in their lives ALL the time.

Unfortunately, this ex does not.

It feels wonderful when they/you make contact post-breakup and wants to re-connect. But as a veteran of this type of relationships, it usually does not amount to anything but more heartache.

If he truly loves you then this will not be happening. Had to learn this the hard way.

My last ex was like him. Hot and cold. Push and pull and totally unavailable. I had my own ups and downs with him for 16 months and now its over. The hard truth is that people who really love and want to be with you do not play these I love you...I love you not kind of games. They want you in their lives ALL the time.

 

Unfortunately, this ex does not.

 

It feels wonderful when they/you make contact post-breakup and wants to re-connect. But as a veteran of this type of relationships, it usually does not amount to anything but more heartache.

 

If he truly loves you then this will not be happening. Had to learn this the hard way.

Many do not realize how common the "Push, Pull" guy is. He will drive you crazy thinking you are this crazy needy person, however, you are asking for a basic thing in a relationship(Attention). These guys are a waste of time and need to be avoided at all costs.

Just like 3 months ago this guy was on his knees begging saying if he could just have one lunch with me he’d “spoon feed me while I reject him”. Didn’t take no for an answer. Normally I wouldn’t ever beg a guy for me back but he went to the ends of the earth to try to get me, completely threw his dignity out the window and we ended up getting back together. So yes you’re right he is the definition of a “push/pull” guy. Thanks for the advice guys. I think I’m gonna prepare myself for the possibility this won’t be what I’m hoping. :\

Just like 3 months ago this guy was on his knees begging saying if he could just have one lunch with me he’d “spoon feed me while I reject him”. Didn’t take no for an answer. Normally I wouldn’t ever beg a guy for me back but he went to the ends of the earth to try to get me, completely threw his dignity out the window and we ended up getting back together. So yes you’re right he is the definition of a “push/pull” guy. Thanks for the advice guys. I think I’m gonna prepare myself for the possibility this won’t be what I’m hoping. :\

Yes, these type of guys usually promise marriage, moving in together and acting as if they cannot live without you. When you breakup with them they show up at your doorstep and find every avenue possible to keep in touch with you. You are dazzled by the attention and you misconstrue it for the real thing. They are nothing but future fakers, liars and cheats, who basically conned their way into our lives just to reject you after they get you hooked with their pretty lies and games.

Sadly, they never change.

Yes, these type of guys usually promise marriage, moving in together and acting as if they cannot live without you. When you breakup with them they show up at your doorstep and find every avenue possible to keep in touch with you. You are dazzled by the attention and you misconstrue it for the real thing. They are nothing but future fakers, liars and cheats, who basically conned their way into our lives just to reject you after they get you hooked with their pretty lies and games.

 

Sadly, they never change.

Sounds like love bombing to me.... *sigh*