Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 17 of 17

Thread: Why did I let this happen to me? Was I in the wrong?

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I think this is excellent advice.



    Just go ahead and forgive yourself. You didn't hurt anyone; you just overextended yourself. Not a crime by any means.

    You went for what you wanted. That's a good trait to have.

    It didn't work out, and that's probably for the best. So maybe you made a bad decision. Big deal. Nobody got hurt, did they? You just got an ego bruise. And it was probably a blessing in disguise, so brush off and carry on.

    Focus on the positive in your life. Appreciate the 'little' things, and build confidence slowly and surely.
    Thank you, he did lead me on but I was dumb falling for it and continue to fall for it when he would leave when I required effort than come back when he felt I was moving on. I definitely regret not walking away with integrity and dignity as the last person said. That's my main battle, but you live and you learn. My last message to him was a month and a half ago and the last one. Just trying to find my peace with the situation and the advice on this site is helping already! Thank you for your response :)

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,331
    I have nothing to add just wanted to say you got some excellent advice OPer. One day at a time.

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I have nothing to add just wanted to say you got some excellent advice OPer. One day at a time.
    Well thank you :)

  4. #14
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,451
    Originally Posted by AmeliaMatt
    How do I forgive myself for the way I acted though? I literally wince and cringe everytime I think of how I acted, causing more self loathing...
    This is a manifestation of what is called false humility: "Tendency to be self-despising or to belittle oneself, to be self-deprecating around others, excessively modest, due to feeling inferior, useless, or unworthy." or "Self-defeating mind-set and poor self-image, evaluating oneself too negatively Ė Iím a failure, Iím worthless, I canít do anything right, no one likes me."

    If you were bullied your whole life, every time you made a mistake this has probably been your go to response.

    You need to start by changing your response to these situations. There is nothing you can do about past behaviors... what's done is done; obsessing over it and dwelling on it won't change anything and will just keep you stuck.

    Learn from it, feel the feelings around it, and use this as an opportunity to change how you respond in these situations. Develop a thicker skin. Learn to develop true humility: "Balanced view of self and good understanding of personal strengths and weaknesses, and oneís role and position in the wider community and society".

    One of the ways I did this was by giving back to my community... which got me to stop thinking of myself and my problems as so huge and gave me some perspective of feeling grateful and fortunate and appreciative of my life... it made my problems seem much smaller.

    Hopefully you are also doing counselling, or seeing a life coach, and doing wonderful things for yourself that help build confidence and self-esteem.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    63
    Posts
    4,747
    Gender
    Male
    This is an off-the-wall comment, but how about changing your name? When a girlfriend of mine lost a lot of weight (before I met her) she changed her name from Liz to Elizabeth (not her real name). Changing her name from a nickname to a her full name made her feel completely different, like a new person. And I think people treated her more formally when she started using her formal name. It's a psychological cheap fix, but you might try it. Some people start using their middle names (Marie for Anna Marie) or a shortened version of their last name (Sully for Sullivan). Give it a try.

  7. 05-27-2018, 08:30 AM


  8. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by maew
    This is a manifestation of what is called false humility: "Tendency to be self-despising or to belittle oneself, to be self-deprecating around others, excessively modest, due to feeling inferior, useless, or unworthy." or "Self-defeating mind-set and poor self-image, evaluating oneself too negatively Ė Iím a failure, Iím worthless, I canít do anything right, no one likes me."

    If you were bullied your whole life, every time you made a mistake this has probably been your go to response.

    You need to start by changing your response to these situations. There is nothing you can do about past behaviors... what's done is done; obsessing over it and dwelling on it won't change anything and will just keep you stuck.

    Learn from it, feel the feelings around it, and use this as an opportunity to change how you respond in these situations. Develop a thicker skin. Learn to develop true humility: "Balanced view of self and good understanding of personal strengths and weaknesses, and oneís role and position in the wider community and society".

    One of the ways I did this was by giving back to my community... which got me to stop thinking of myself and my problems as so huge and gave me some perspective of feeling grateful and fortunate and appreciative of my life... it made my problems seem much smaller.

    Hopefully you are also doing counselling, or seeing a life coach, and doing wonderful things for yourself that help build confidence and self-esteem.
    Thank you, I plan to starting counselling soon because its okay to admit your faults but I am very excessive with it. Its time you give myself a peace of mind :)

  9. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by DanZee
    This is an off-the-wall comment, but how about changing your name? When a girlfriend of mine lost a lot of weight (before I met her) she changed her name from Liz to Elizabeth (not her real name). Changing her name from a nickname to a her full name made her feel completely different, like a new person. And I think people treated her more formally when she started using her formal name. It's a psychological cheap fix, but you might try it. Some people start using their middle names (Marie for Anna Marie) or a shortened version of their last name (Sully for Sullivan). Give it a try.
    I actually did start going by MiMi after I lost weight which is funny LOL. Never really thought of the mental behind it but I guess it was my attempt at trying to reinvent myself. However, I do need to work on some of the past issues I had that followed me because physical changes dont necessarily change you mentally. Thank you for the tip :)

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •