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Thread: Forgiving yourself

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    81

    Forgiving yourself

    Sorry I'm posting a lot tonight but it's been a strange weekend a lot of ups and downs and just now it's an up and I feel like I've had a big break through in how I've been feeling.

    I've blamed myself for my break up a lot due to things I done in the past, how I dealt with things, things I said/didn't say, basically pulled myself apart as a person thinking why wasn't I good enough why didn't I do this better or keep my mouth shut then.

    I've kind of just came to the realisation that I am who I am and I can't change that, and he is who he is and I can't change that either. We expected different things from each other and what we both see as normal in a relationship can be different. For example I'm quite expressive and if I'm annoyed I say it there and then with an explanation of why and how this hurt me, sometimes not calmly, but I'm able to reflect and apologise if I over reacted etc.

    He on the other hand would keep it in and be silent or bring it up later down the line, he avoided confrontation and wouldn't want to discuss negative feelings and preferred to just forget about things.

    Neither of those are right or wrong, just different and this has stopped me blaming myself. I was just being me.

    I done a lot of good things in the relationship too, so many. Even if I made mistakes and handled things differently to how he would it doesn't make me wrong or a terrible unloveable person.

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    27
    I would love for you to answer my question I just posted in the forum because this really spoke to me! I'm trying to forgive myself for acting so needy in relationships, it has really affected me. I love this post. Self love is major even though no one is perfect. Kudos to you :)

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    135
    You are absolutely right. You are who you are. Never apologize for being yourself. It is healthy to reflect on how you may want to handle things differently in relationships moving forward, but never apologize for being you. You don't have to change yourself or "water yourself down" for anyone.

    My ex didn't love me for who I am. He wanted me to be more feminine, talk a certain way, have a calmer demeanor, become more educated than I am (get a masters degree) etc. His constant criticisms were because I wasn't the type of woman he preferred. I no longer blame myself for not being good enough for him. I walked out of his life forever, without warning or explanation and went NC. He will never hear from me ever again. Self love is vital.

    You are correct; your mistakes and the way you handled things doesn't make you unlovable or undesirable in any way. It simply indicates incompatibility with that partner. The right person will love you just as you are, flaws and everything included. I really appreciate this post.


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