My son's wedding

My youngest son is getting married in Oct.

I spent mothers day with both of my sons, my future DIL and her family.

While discussing wedding plans and logistics, it was mentioned in passing, in a very matter of fact way, that my ex husband and I will be walking down the isle together.

I swing back and forth, wanting to choose my battles and I am not sure if this is one.

I divorced the boys father almost 18 years ago and the divorce was very ugly and continuous. Fast fwd and a lot of time in between we can now, for the sake of the boys socialize together and rise above of past. I still find him very narcissistic and he's somewhat of a wild card, never knowing what will come out of his mouth. He created a little bit of controversy at my oldest sons graduation party, where after repeated warnings I felt it was just best to exit quietly. On the flip side, I get along with my ex's girlfriend almost too well. If you saw us together you would think we were best friends.

I haven't said anything about the recent update and while not trying to get ahead of myself I can only assume if we walk down together, we will be seated together? My boyfriend will be attending the wedding and I am wondering if out of respect for him that I ask that he be seated next to me?

Imagining sitting between these two men gives me anxiety.

Add in the fact that after 18 years my ex has never seen me with another man. Any time we are together it's for the sake of the boys and their events. I typically bring my mother. It's just worked out this way.

I feel I need to speak up about the seating at the ceremony and the dinner seating. At the same time I don't want to be the dramatic mother of the groom.

I do not trust my ex to behave himself. Even after all these years he can't seem to help himself and needs to try to get my attention or say something stupid to get under my skin. Ignoring him just seems to antagonize him more.

I am not sure what I am asking here but given the limited information, what would you do regarding the issue of the walking down the isle? My coworker had some very strong opinions about it. I think at the very least I should have been asked if I was ok with it, but that moment has passed.

Talk to your son, there must be a reason why he wants you to walk down the isle together so get his input and find out then where your boyfriend and you will be seated.

The last wedding I went to with divorced parents of the bride, she had her parents sit at separate tables with other members of each parents family, along with their new partners. She didn't bother with the traditional parents of the bride and groom at the same table. Hopefully your son and his bride to be are thinking along the same lines.

I agree, talk to your son. Even if you walk down the aisle together, there's no reason why you can't part and sit on opposite sides of the wedding. Also, expecting you to endure dinner with your ex husband just sounds like asking for trouble. If your son has a lick of sense, he'll know better.

Of course you will do anything to make your sons big day filled with happiness and love but you shouldn't be miserable at the same time either.

I have read nearly everything you have written on this site so I can confidently state that you could absolutely walk down the else with your ex smiling and looking way better than he has faired after 18 years. The seating at the ceremony is another matter. Your bf should be waiting for you sitting in just one space from the isle so you can sit next to him and your ex's gf should sit with one space between your bf so your ex can sit there. Girl, boy, boy, girl.

At the reception you both should be seated at opposite ends if it is a banquet table or separate tables if they are rounds or 8.

I am sure your son is already thinking along those lines.

Also for pictures you stand on one side while your ex stands on the other side of the bride and groom.

You are going to out class him no matter what and when you walk down that isle side by side everyone will be thinking what a knucklehead he was for losing you.

Lost

My mother and father divorced when I was a little kid. For my sister's wedding, they were seated at different tables with their own cohorts. It'll be the same deal for my reception in August. Honestly, I feel no need to have them walk down the aisle together. We're not even sure if we're going to do the whole programmed, formal walk-down of the family at all, but if we do, we'll leave it up to them if they'd like to walk together or separately. My sister did the traditional walking down with my father, so she pretty much avoided that whole ordeal. Obviously lacking any real capacity to personally relate to you in this case, I'd probably go ahead and walk down with your ex-husband. I do think you'd be within your right to ask if it's okay you both be seated with your respective families, but I'd wait to see if that is in fact the plan.

Well, not talking for anyone else but all I can say is the planning of the seating arrangements was prolly the hardest part of planning our daughters wedding so I wouldn't wait to ask about seating arrangements in case you would like changes made.

Thanks for the feedback.

I need to have a talk with #2 son.

Talk to your son, there must be a reason why he wants you to walk down the isle together so get his input and find out then where your boyfriend and you will be seated.

 

The last wedding I went to with divorced parents of the bride, she had her parents sit at separate tables with other members of each parents family, along with their new partners. She didn't bother with the traditional parents of the bride and groom at the same table. Hopefully your son and his bride to be are thinking along the same lines.

This makes the most sense to me. Talk to your son, sit at different tables from your ex husband.

At my wedding the one time I got married many many years ago, the ushers walked my mom and step dad in and seated them in one row and my dad and step mom in another row. At the rehearsal dinner and the table for me and my wife it was us and the wedding party, parents sat at another table.

You see, that makes perfect sense. That's why I have these concerns because we've barely begun and this has been decided.

Who's to say they wouldnt consider everything else ok as well?

Yeah, that's what I've seen at weddings.

At my wedding the one time I got married many many years ago, the ushers walked my mom and step dad in and seated them in one row and my dad and step mom in another row. At the rehearsal dinner and the table for me and my wife it was us and the wedding party, parents sat at another table.

What's his skin in the game?

0% he sits in the back with the 'do you know them' guests.

100% he sits next to the bride. jaj

P.S., Wedding costs can have a very sobering effect on a Father.

What's his skin in the game?

 

0% he sits in the back with the 'do you know them' guests.

100% he sits next to the bride. jaj

 

P.S., Wedding costs can have a very sobering effect on a Father.

For the father of the bride maybe. Not so much for the groom's side.

We're popping for the night before shin dig. (equally)

So far, the bride's family is covering the entire wedding day. At least for now. That could change [emoji44]

As you know from my previous posts, I broke up with my narcissistic exBF last year. He had cheated on his wife, the mother of his 2 kids, for 4 years with her best friend, when the kids were young, and kept the secret for 2 years after the affair ended, until the woman told his then-wife. Needless to say, his wife was devastated, having been in the dark for 6 years and having been betrayed by not only her best friend, but her husband.

Fast forward 20 years, and while I dated him, both of his kids got married, and I attended both weddings.

He and his ex-wife walked their child down the aisle together, and they were seated on opposite sides of the room. It was all done very naturally and easily: as each parent walked up with their child, they then went to their seats, with their own respective families.

I do think it was all discussed and planned ahead of time, and there was zero drama, and each wedding came out beautifully.

They both put their child ahead of their own past, and made it work really well.

I got along great with his ex-wife, as she was very nice to me. And she has a really nice husband now. It was almost too easy. She did such a great job of holding her head up high, knowing that every single person in the room knew exactly why she and her ex-husband (my boyfriend) divorced.

Let your child and his bride make that decision.

If you were the mother of the bride, would you deny your daughter the wish to have her father walk her down the aisle because of YOUR feelings.

I would just "rise above". If he makes a comment - that completely reflects on him and not you. If he is present and invited to the wedding -- there is no reason to exclude him from the wedding procession unless the bride and groom ON THEIR own make an independent decision to not have parents walk them at all.

Let your child and his bride make that decision.

 

If you were the mother of the bride, would you deny your daughter the wish to have her father walk her down the aisle because of YOUR feelings.

I would just "rise above". If he makes a comment - that completely reflects on him and not you. If he is present and invited to the wedding -- there is no reason to exclude him from the wedding procession unless the bride and groom ON THEIR own make an independent decision to not have parents walk them at all.

I was never suggesting excluding him. . Not sure where that even came from

And . . just to clarify. We are the grooms parents. . not the brides. Hence the title `My son's wedding'

I just taken back by being told my ex would be the one to escort me down the isle, which one might assume I have to sit with him during the ceremony. I just have a question as to where my boyfriend is during this time. And if the kids think nothing of this, who's to say they won't seat us at the same dinner table?

I don't doubt my ex will behave himself perfectly fine. As long as there isn't the temptation, fueled by alcohol to say or do something stupid. He's done it before. Just my presence tends to bring out the worst in him at times. I want to limit the possibility and not risk having any sort of dust up for the sake of the kids. That's all.

I just taken back by being told my ex would be the one to escort me down the isle, which one might assume I have to sit with him during the ceremony. I just have a question as to where my boyfriend is during this time. And if the kids think nothing of this, who's to say they won't seat us at the same dinner table?

With my exBF's kids' weddings last year, one was his daughter, the other was his son. So in one case, he was the father of the bride, in the other, the father of the groom. His ex-wife was obviously in the same situation.

In their son's wedding, they walked their son down the aisle together, and they automatically went to opposite sides of the aisle to sit with their respective relatives/family, who were already seated.

We were all (including me, the then-girlfriend) seated on the front row: My exBF's family on one side, the mother of the bride's family on the other. We reserved a seat for each parent, so that when they walked down the aisle, they could then take their front-row seat across the aisle from one another.

At the seated reception, my exBF was seated with his immediate family and me (the girlfriend), and the mother of the groom's table was with her family and her current husband.

Easy peasy, no drama.

I was never suggesting excluding him. . Not sure where that even came from

 

And . . just to clarify. We are the grooms parents. . not the brides. Hence the title `My son's wedding'

 

I know -- that's why is aid "IF you were the bride's mother" and the tables were turned. I thought you both were walking your son down the aisle together - but perhaps i misread. I still would just go with it. You don't have to hold hands with him -- and maybe they will change their mind about it