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Thread: Problem Child Out Of Control - Please Help!!!

  1. #1
    Member MrAdversity's Avatar
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    Problem Child Out Of Control - Please Help!!!

    Hey friends,

    Quick run down about my 10yr old step-son (I have 2 step sons) and 1 young daughter (2yrs old)..

    1. Diagnosed a couple years back with ADD/ADHD, Impulsivity, and some EDs ...
    2. Lives with us 95% of the time, goes to fathers every other weekend with other brother who has sensory issues (no rules there, no structure etc).
    3. Has been suspended from schools 4x in last 3 yrs, has been in now 3 different schools, currently accepted to a therapeutic school in which he just started 3 days ago -
    4. Shuts down when he doesn't want to do anything, looks for negative attention all the time to get a rise out of people -
    5. Looks for inappropriate ways to be during anything he does - (once told a girl he wanted to have se.. with her until she dies!!)
    6. When not getting the attention he wants or is asked to do something (like reading with a group) and he doesn't want to do it he has started banging his head on the wall, and rubbing face into carpet) - yes this is in his new school 3 days in -
    7. Is on a slew of medication which since the addition of a stimulant has made his behavior worse than ever !
    8. The last straw was last night when he tried to swing on me, and screamed like a lunatic to my wife when we tried to talk to him about his behaviors

    Long story short there are many many more examples i can make of his inappropriate, scratch your head no common sense things he does on a daily basis but i think you get the idea - when you speak to him he doesn't listen whatsoever its like you look right through him - he has a problem with food at night (medication issues most likely) where we find stuff everywhere - of course it doesn't phase him, he could sleep in the mess and he acts like it never happened etc. And just like the article on the front page suggestions by the time he comes home the meds already wore off and apparently more meds for afternoon/night is not an option right now -

    The father does jack for him, most likely treats him like a baby (sons mental status is already way below his age) when he is there, lets them stay up etc all hours playing on ipads or watching movies (many conversations have been had) currently he does not go there but his brother does) - we in our house have everything monitored right down to the ratings on the TV - he literally needs to be watched with every moves he makes -

    If you meet him for the first time you would never know anything was wrong, its when he is asked to do things, challenged, in a school setting, told not to do something, or asked to stop a behavior he loses his mind literally - we are at our wits end, just buying a new house we have yet to enjoy it and i constantly am worried about my daughter with all the issues we are seeing-

    He is medicated by a psychiatrist and seen weekly at this point, sees a therapist monthly - was told recently we have to change medications or toggle down current ones - and hospitalization is not an option - don't know what else to do we have tried everything and all we want to do is enjoy life in our house (sounds selfish but we are exhausted)
    Last edited by MrAdversity; 05-24-2018 at 08:55 AM.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I have many suggestions for you but am at work and will reply later today.

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    Is he in counseling for emotions - not just seeing a doc who puts him on meds? Can you even through a mediator or inviting his father to speak with his teachers and counselors so that he understands what kind of reinforcement needs to happen in his home?

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    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    In what world is once a month therapy remotely acceptable for a child with these conditions? Hopefully the new school will prove beneficial not only in their accommodations but perhaps their recommendations and referrals as well. It sounds like this child has been failed on multiple levels pretty much his whole life. How long have you been the step father?

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    (many conversations have been had)

    maybe its time for a mediator to step in and explain the child's needs to him and what is required to keep him on even keel.
    BTW, sugar and red food dye are a big trigger sometimes for kids with different needs. If that is what he eats at dad's or gets treats in school, it could be contributing. I would also get him tested for allergies like dairy, gluten, wheat, soy, etc - food allergies can cause brain fog at best but can mimic schizophrenia at worst

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your wife and/or his father need to take him to the best pediatric neurologist they can find for a second opinion and complete workup. Your wife and his father need a better co-parenting plan and both need to attend some sessions with the child's therapist at least until that is achieved...and then for follow up.
    Originally Posted by MrAdversity
    he has started banging his head on the wall, and rubbing face into carpet. sons mental status is already way below his age. He is medicated by a psychiatrist and seen weekly at this point, sees a therapist monthly

  8. #7
    Member MrAdversity's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    In what world is once a month therapy remotely acceptable for a child with these conditions? Hopefully the new school will prove beneficial not only in their accommodations but perhaps their recommendations and referrals as well. It sounds like this child has been failed on multiple levels pretty much his whole life. How long have you been the step father?
    Ive been in his life for about 5-6 yrs and i don't remember it being this severe but than again we handled it differently when he was younger because well he was younger and it wasn't as noticeable or inappropriate (granted as he got older prior to this year in the past he has had other things sporadically like sleep walking and bathroom issues) that came and went ... and when he was younger he has had a normal life, however his behaviors dictate what we can and cant do with him and that has been the theme - he may watch something semi inappropriate somehow and than it will surface in his behavior at any point thereafter -

    As far as the Psychologist unfortunately the system is pretty bad and we as parents can sit with him and talk and ask the same questions as much as any of these Drs do ...he pretty much takes advantage of the session by playing with legos and telling the person what they want to hear its quite amazing to think he is as smart as that but cant handle life like a normal child can - and unfortunately because of this he has no friends, and cant be trusted with other kids alone -

    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Your wife and/or his father need to take him to the best pediatric neurologist they can find for a second opinion and complete workup. Your wife and his father need a better co-parenting plan and both need to attend some sessions with the child's therapist at least until that is achieved...and then for follow up.
    I will def bring that up, so thank you for that - he has had blood workups in the past and nothing has come up - but I'm afraid as he is getting older things are changing for the worst mentally because he acts as if none of this effects him in anyway - and 2 mins after a breakdown he acts as if it never happened and all is well in the world! The psychologist has told us he doesn't have a fully functional part in his brain that says right from wrong, hence the impulsiveness

    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Is he in counseling for emotions - not just seeing a doc who puts him on meds? Can you even through a mediator or inviting his father to speak with his teachers and counselors so that he understands what kind of reinforcement needs to happen in his home?
    Has been done many times over and everyone in the school settings basically has given up on him because of the way the world is nothing can be done to a child who doesn't want to listen but call the parents and pick him up! He sees two DRs and its kinda a joke honestly - i really cant believe so far nothing has worked for him through counseling, DRs, special schools, programs i mean the works!!
    Last edited by MrAdversity; 05-24-2018 at 11:47 AM.

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    Has this kid always gotten whatever he wanted from a young age without any disciplinary action for his mess-ups? It seems like most young boys who have a little extra energy these days are placed on adhd meds...

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    I work in a related field and work with teens who are on the spectrum or have ED. I also got ADHD and have a long history working with kids similar to your step son. Unfortunately I got a long doctor's appointment today, so I will get to you in a bit.

  11. #10
    Member MrAdversity's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sky09
    Has this kid always gotten whatever he wanted from a young age without any disciplinary action for his mess-ups? It seems like most young boys who have a little extra energy these days are placed on adhd meds...
    Not at all, everytime he did something there was consequences ... and while i agree there is extra energy pent up thats not the force we are dealing with ... now as for the other environment he is in every other weekend i can almost attest to the fact that has something to do with the behaviors even if its minor ...that is why we have changed the way things have worked as of lately but again it never has been this bad ...

    So any parent in this scenerio what do you do ?
    1. Strict routine bedtime, TV, ipad ...etc..
    2. Positive reinforcement
    3. Rewards for good behavior
    4. Dietary changes
    5. Counseling / Pediatric Drs visits
    6. Medication and Psychiatrict intervention
    7. Special programs/Schools
    8. ?
    9. ??

    And when all those fail, what do you do than?!? Thats where we are at unfortunately and stress is the norm which is not healthy for everyone else in the household ...

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