No interest or hard to get?

I started talking to a girl a few weeks ago, met her online. We had our first date last Saturday, took her flowers and met her at a local steakhouse. Great conversation, no awkward moments and things flowed. We finished up dinner and decided to just walk the local strip mall as it was late at night. Not more than 3 minutes after walking out of the restaurant she asks me if she can hold my hand, I agreed. this was a nice surprise.

We found a bench in a nice area away from everything and talked for a bit, I moved in to kiss her and she kissed me back, she told me that when we first started talking that she didn't kiss on the first date. After that kiss and some making out she couldn't keep her hands off of me. she would rub my arms, my legs and eventually the manhood. I also had my hands all over her too.

Eventually we had to head home, I let her suggest when she needed to leave. I walked her to her car and we didn't want to leave each other, so we walked around some more and found another bench for another makeout session. Things went great, we agreed to see each other again this coming weekend.

We agreed that we would hide our online dating profiles, but I have seen her on there since then, my profile is hidden.

But her communication hasn't been a lot, I would text her and wait for her to respond, sometimes it would be 12+ hours. I wont send a double text, I don't want to come across as needy. But she would send one like "must've been a busy day" The night before I told her that I was dozing off and asked if she would text me in the morning, no answer. Then last night she sent "getting ready for bed, I haven't heard from you today, everything ok?" I sent back, yes, I haven't heard from you either. Later on I sent her one that I was heading to bed and to have a goodnight, she usually tells me goodnight too, nothing, crickets!

I don't know how to read her, thoughts?

Sounds like miscommunication. Ask her out again.

We have a date set for Saturday, but I would like to hear from her more through out the day. Like last night with her asking if everything is ok, things are good, I just don't hear from her a lot. I send the last text and wait for a response, then she sends me a "haven't heard from you today" I don't understand.

Sounds like she likes you (or she got a bit drunk and handy, but still ...). I suggest you do this young padawan:

1. Set up a date and place and time.

2. Turn up. On time. Clean your fingernails beforehand (sorry, just f***ing with you.)

3. Stick to not being too needy and barraging her. If you sent her a text, and you got the "haven't heard from you today", don't overthink it. Maybe she missed it.

Once you establish the connection with her, let her run with it. When you get "haven't heard from you today", go back with "You must have missed my text earlier, looking forward to dinner Saturday (or whatever it is you have lined up).

Don't do that Corey Wayne stuff that objectifies and devalues women - be responsive, be reliable, be strong.

I'll let Sweetgirl tell you if that is attractive to the fairer sex.

I think when you see her in person, just ask her. Some people are texters, some prefer a phone call instead of inane texts, etc.

Also, it sounds like your first date kind of was a bit much. She might be trying to tap the brakes a little so things don't go at 1000 mph. That's not a bad thing necessarily.

I don't like double texting either, but when you do text her, make sure it's more than a "yes" or a "goodnight, text me tomorrow?"; that is boring. She's doing the same. This might be game playing from both. Stop doing that. Text her whenever and whatever you want to. Again, I would avoid double texting, but still, you get the feeling I hope.

Thanks guys, I just didn't want to come across as needy. I do like her and she has already told me that she likes me. But I keep checking match to see if shes online and I have already seen her on there this morning.

Yeah, try to stop checking match. It's normal for both of you to still be keeping your options open, but constantly checking it will mess with your head. If you're thinking about her, why not send her a text? Something funny, like "this made me think about you?" Something you can start a conversation with. What RayRay suggested was good too. Set up a date, mention that you're looking forward to it, she might be chattier in person.

Most of the time, first dates stop there and there are no future dates, so you're going to be spending a lot of money over your dating years if you keep buying flowers and paying for steak on the first date. Make the first date less expensive with coffee or a smoothie, and keep the date shorter than 3 hours. Probably best to avoid a make-out session, because you don't want to get overly invested in someone who is actually a stranger.

You say "we" decided to remove our profiles, but you don't say whose idea it was. If it was yours, she might have said she'd go along with it to avoid awkwardness or she changed her mind for whatever reason.

We don't know her any more than you do, so who knows why she doesn't text much. As for new dating situations, you're just going to have to take a wait-and-see, day-by-day attitude. Only time will tell if you two match in all the major ways, and if you don't, you move on to trying with someone else.

Thanks guys, I just didn't want to come across as needy. I do like her and she has already told me that she likes me. But I keep checking match to see if shes online and I have already seen her on there this morning.

Dial back on the intensity. After one date, hiding your profiles shouldn't even be a conversation you are having at all. Too much too soon. Relax and enjoy your next date and slow down. It might have been a fun date, but that's all it was.

Thanks guys, I sent an apology text about the miscommunication text. she replied with a kiss emoji. She does seem more interested that previous first dates that I have had. I have never had a girl ask "me" to hold my hand, that was nice on her part.

Don't text tether her. It's controlling, needy and creepy after one date. Focus on in person dates. Text here and there and respond when she texts or send her one text a day and don't worry about how soon, how often, etc she responds. Don't send nonsense or confusing texts. For example, why expect a response when you announce you're going to bed?

We have a date set for Saturday, but I would like to hear from her more through out the day.

Ya, just back off and chill. Removing profiles after one date is a bit insane.

You seem a bit naive or just new, so don't worry. We've all made mistakes. Pressure actually scares people so use that to force yourself from indulging in bad behaviours like looking online and overthinking how long it takes to text.

Create interesting text conversations (after the date) and hopefully things progress from there. Good luck.

Don't text tether her. It's controlling, needy and creepy after one date. Focus on in person dates. Text here and there and respond when she texts or send her one text a day and don't worry about how soon, how often, etc she responds. Don't send nonsense or confusing texts. For example, why expect a response when you announce you're going to bed?

^^ this.

Wow. . Sounds like you had a great first date. After one night and agreeing to take down profiles and she doesn't follow suit. Who's idea was it, may I ask?

I think she's pacing you. If I were her and sensed you wanted that level of routine communication after just one date, I'd pull back drastically or even bail. For me, daily or continual access is what committed couples do.

You should dial way back or you may risk scaring her off.

No more good night texts! Especially in light of her actions.

Text her Saturday morning to confirm your date for that night.

Agree with everyone else (relax and chill, it's only been one date), except what I find weird (and telling) is that when you do text her, she responds with “everything okay? I haven’t heard from you today" (hours after you sent your text).

I have had men do that with me, it annoys me to no end, because I know it’s BS.

It’s very very rare when someone doesn’t receive a text, either their phone is broken or the text got lost in the shuffle, but most people do receive their texts.

So when a guy comes at me with that, or something passive/aggressive like “tough day?” (the implication being he has not heard from me) - my first thought is that he’s lazy, had neither the desire nor time to text or respond to mine and is trying to turn it back on me. Total BS.

It’s actually a turn off, and yes I do think it’s a game especially if it happens more than once.

I mean why not just be HONEST and say "It's been a crazy day, just getting time to respond back, how was your day?"

Or something like that?

This whole "tough day?" or "you okay haven't heard from you?" crap really irks me!

I agree with that too. But I just try to be nice and let it roll. Last night she texted me "whatcha doing?" after not hearing from her yesterday morning, so I think shes opening up a lil.

We have a date for tomorrow night and I mentioned coming back to my place and having a drink, but she said it was too soon for that, I was hoping to have sex with her but I don't know how I can if we cant come back to my place and relax.

 

We have a date for tomorrow night and I mentioned coming back to my place and having a drink, but she said it was too soon for that, I was hoping to have sex with her but I don't know how I can if we cant come back to my place and relax.

That is interesting; when women post about their dates pushing for sex on first or second date (inviting them back to his -- there was a thread about this recently), the majority of female posters insisted the guy was *only* looking for booty.

I am not sensing that from you though, but yet here you are thinking about sex with her and wanting to do so ASAP.

Not judging, to me this is pretty standard, and have posted that. When a man is attracted to a woman, he wants sex! The sooner the better and he will push for it.

Doesn't necessarily mean that is the "only" thing he wants.

It's up to the woman to set pace and maintain boundaries if she's not ready for it.

In your case, she made it clear it's too soon (only your second date, correct?) so would back off and give it a few more dates.

If you push for it (even subtley) you risk pushing her away.

That is interesting; when women post about their dates pushing for sex on first or second date, inviting them back to his (there was a thread about this recently), the majority of female posters insisted the guy was *only* looking for booty.

 

I am not sensing that from you though, but yet here you are thinking about sex with her and wanting to do so ASAP.

 

Not judging, to me this is pretty standard, and have posted that. When a man is attracted to a woman, he wants sex! The sooner the better and he will push for it.

 

It's up to the woman to set pace and maintain boundaries if she's not ready for it.

 

Doesn't necessarily mean that is the "only" thing he wants.

 

In your case, she made it clear it's too soon (only your second date, correct?) so would back off and give it a few more dates.

 

If you push for it (even subtley) you risk pushing her away.

I agree with you here, I want a relationship foremost. I just don't want to get friendzoned if I don't make a move. She was the one that initiated rubbing my manhood, lol, during our makeout session on the first date, why would she do that if she wasn't wanting it?

OP, there are a thousand things you can do to assure you're not friendzoned other than pushing for sex on second date.

How about simply kissing her? And other affectionate gestures.

Gauge her response

This is disturbing. Just because she did that does not mean she's ready. You think you'll be friend zoned if you don't try to have sex now?

lol, I think I mentioned this in another thread about a guy pushing for early sex -- best to not ever assume to know what goes on in the male brain!

Their brains are wired completely differently from ours especially when it comes to sex and relationships!

Is why you told her you were going to hide your profile and why you were text-bombing her?

I mentioned coming back to my place and having a drink, but she said it was too soon for that, I was hoping to have sex with her but I don't know how I can if we cant come back to my place and relax.

Question for OP -- you say you want a relationship foremost.

With her? May I ask how you could know that after only one date?

I don't think you or anyone can know that after only one date.

I also think you know there are many ways to assure you're not friend zoned other than pushing for sex on second date.

So what's your real goal here? I think I know (you're attracted and want sex!) and whatever happens after that is anyone's guess.

SG is right, you need to think!

With the big brain and not the little brain.

OP, there are a thousand things you can do to assure you're not friendzoned other than pushing for sex on second date.

 

How about simply kissing her? And other affectionate gestures.

 

Gauge her response

we have had an intense makeout session after dinner last Saturday night. I don't want to push for sex, yes, I want it, but I also want to see more. That's why im asking here, I may be thinking the wrong way.

we have had an intense makeout session after dinner last Saturday night. I don't want to push for sex, yes, I want it, but I also want to see more. That's why im asking here, I may be thinking the wrong way.

Ok fair enough!

Relax and just let happen what's meant to happen.

Have fun!

we have had an intense makeout session after dinner last Saturday night. I don't want to push for sex, yes, I want it, but I also want to see more. That's why im asking here, I may be thinking the wrong way.

As a woman, if a man took me to a steakhouse, got my flowers on a first date (unless the flowers were because he knew it was my birthday), and then we made out - i would be thinking this man was coming on too strong.

Then you dial it back -- you make sure your 2nd or 3rd date is an activity - and don't try to kiss her unless she initiates it. And don't suggest going back to your place or her place - at all. Rinse and repeat for many more dates.

How about you dial back, relax and let her set the pace?

Can you do that?