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Thread: Just confused

  1. #1
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Just confused

    So last time I was off, I went to my ol ladyís house for a few days. Where she proceeded to get drunk every night. Not the biggest deal I know sheís a functioning alcoholic nothing new there just a little aggravating talking in circles. One day I was helping her get caught up on washing, went to put some clothes up for her and found a journal type thing she had been keeping for years for her son to give him on graduation.
    The last entry was written in June of last year, it said, Iím thinking about getting married just to have someone to help us out.
    Idk maybe Iím reading too much in to this, but at that point I had already given her a ring, so it just really got me to wondering if the only reason sheís with me is bc I do have a good job and make a good living.
    On a good note, it was a good visit, got to spend some time with her and her son, took my bass boat, did some fishing in the Alfia river and cockroach bay. Caught some snook, trout, and redfish

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Is this the same one that ended things not long ago after seeing her ex while you were out?

    I would seriously wonder about things if she is treating you like you're disposable and then you read something like that in her journal.

  3. #3
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    Well, so do you want to marry a functioning alcoholic? I mean, it's OK if you do. You said you had given her a ring. People get married for all sorts of reasons. If you're a decent enough guy and you can support her, those might be the reasons she has for marrying you. You're not exactly professing love for her yourself. Back in the old days, if a guy had a decent job, that was a good reason for marrying him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Geez Danzee, I hope people now a days are more into actual love and not using people for money...the old days sound harsh!

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Geez Danzee, I hope people now a days are more into actual love and not using people for money...the old days sound harsh!
    He actually makes a good point. First time marry for Love after that itís a business deal on who brings what to the table. Iíd love to say that itíd be wedded bliss just full of love and happiness but Iím not sure I believe in that anymore. At one point in my life yes, but now, not so much. And yes Sherry, itís the same female that back during goose season went out to a bar,saw her ex, got drunk then kicked me out. But she did bring that up the first night I was down there, she apologized several times for that saying I didnít deserve that and how when she gets that way she knows whatís going on but donít really comprehend whatís happening. I told her not to worry bc if it ever happened again she would never see or hear from me again.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What work's best for you, Cap? Are you okay if part of the reason she is marrying you if for financial help or security?

    Do you feel like she loves you and that it can still work? Do you not worry about her drinking?

  8. #7
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    I really donít have a good answer to any of that. I wish I did. I think at times the whole white knight syndrome is coming out and Iím trying to be the one to help her break the drinking problem that she says she wants help with. But then again from personal experience and this come from many years of partying hard in my mid to late 20ís to break an addiction you have to do it yourself. There is no 12 step program thatíll work until you decide to help yourself

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You're absolutely right, an alcoholic must quit when they are ready and for their own sake and no one else's. Do you think her drinking is causing problems or will cause problems?

    Do you feel loved?

  10. #9
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    To answer your question more directly after giving them some thought. Am I ok with knowing part of the reason sheíd marry me is bc I can offer stability is yes, thatís what Iíve been raised to believe that itís the mans job to be the primary bread winner for the household and the examples I was raised around d reflected that. Let me add before any ladies on here get bent out of shape, if she was to make equal or more income than me I wouldnít have a problem with that either. Nor will the decision making process or household duties be decided by who makes more money.
    Does her drinking worry me? Yes of course it does, I love the woman and worry what would happen if she went out to a bar while Iím at work gets drunk and decides to drive and gets hurt, a dui, or worse hurts someone else.
    Do I feel loved? When Iím there yes, she acts like she loves me, says she loves me etc. When Iím 1000 miles away on a boat in the middle of the gulf with 9 other guys and she donít reply to texts or fb messages for 3-4 days Iím just like gee thanks so much for not being able to spare 20 seconds of your time to say hi.

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    Do you want to live out your life as her personal ATM?

    I would say something to her about seeing that entry and I would also then tell her I'm taking a few weeks to myself to sort out how I actually feel about being esteemed for nothing more than what I could do for her... because the minute you slip up on that tip, she's going to retaliate.

    Never get between a person and their money.

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