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Thread: Just confused

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Capttrae
    Do I feel loved? When Iím there yes, she acts like she loves me, says she loves me etc. When Iím 1000 miles away on a boat in the middle of the gulf with 9 other guys and she donít reply to texts or fb messages for 3-4 days Iím just like gee thanks so much for not being able to spare 20 seconds of your time to say hi.
    yeah, you need to take a few months to yourself to sort this out.

  2. #12
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    Are you willing to compromise for some company when you are not offshore by providing financial security to her but knowing that maybe she doesn't "love" you? If it's ok with you, it could work. Nothing wrong with that.

    Great catch by the way!

  3. #13
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dias
    Are you willing to compromise for some company when you are not offshore by providing financial security to her but knowing that maybe she doesn't "love" you? If it's ok with you, it could work. Nothing wrong with that.

    Great catch by the way!
    Long as she keeps her britches on when Iím gone. Comes across with some lovin when Iím home and donít complain about my huntin or fishin I might could.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Here are some things to consider:

    1) Functional alcoholics tend to become non functional. For most, they really have to hit absolute rock bottom before they decide to get a grip and get help. Are you prepared to deal with that - cleaning up her puke and sleeping in a bed she pissed in (sorry for being graphic, but.....that's the long term reality of being with an alcoholic). In addition to the physical aspects, it affects mood and personality - anger, irrational behavior, moods swings, etc. The deeper in they go, the worse it gets. So don't count on companionship or peace in the home.

    2) It is possible that you providing stability and putting a roof over her and her child's heads will pull the last brakes off her drinking. She no longer has to push herself to stay responsible. Think on this long and hard because right now you are thinking the other way - that if you help her, she will be better except that might go completely backwards on you.

    3) If this is a business transaction, it's also possible and happens frequently to men that after the woman eats the proverbial wedding cake, she stops delivering on her side of the bargain. She has you locked down and divorce is expensive and dependents usually come out on the winning side of that deal. You are stuck providing while she doesn't deliver what you want and I'm not talking about just sex.

    If you like her, keep dating, but in your shoes I'd put off the wedding for a looong time and really observe more and think seriously about the above points. If she joined AA, poured all liquor down the drain and never set foot in a bar, I'd be more optimistic. Which brings about another point. IF she does seriously decide to get clean, understand that you will not be able to drink either - not at home, not outside because that can trigger an alcoholic. If you don't drink, it won't matter. If you enjoy an occasional beer, are you willing to give that up?

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  6. #15
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    Does she know you read her private journal?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    she donít reply to texts or fb messages for 3-4 days Iím just like gee thanks so much for not being able to spare 20 seconds of your time to say hi.
    Awww Cap :( That's not right what so ever. No one that truly loves you would take that long to text you, your partner especially!!

    Please be careful. You deserve someone who loves you and does right by you. You don't deserve someone who just wants your paychecks and will leave you hanging when you're not there.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about the concerns and at the same time it's good that you are looking at all angles.
    If she continues to drink much like she currently does (and possibly more) are you going to be ok with that, long term?

    Whenever we catch ourselves waiting for someone to change, we are usually in the wrong place.
    You need to accept her exactly the way she is at this very moment. Are you going to be ok with it?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Capttrae
    When Iím 1000 miles away on a boat in the middle of the gulf with 9 other guys and she donít reply to texts or fb messages for 3-4 days Iím just like gee thanks so much for not being able to spare 20 seconds of your time to say hi.
    You know your relationship best, but that seems disrespectful to me. I wouldnít ignore my boyfriendís text for days on end.

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