Stop crying?

I just need to ask point blank, any tips or tricks to stop crying. I can't get over this women. It's been 3 weeks. I hate the fact that no matter what I do or where I go, I think of her and I am a huge mess. As most of you know, when the pain becomes too much, I just start to obsessively mock write her. Then I catch myself and tell myself that is a huge no-no.

I initially thought it was good to just get it out all out. But this is crippling me. I've literally cried every hour I've been awake. I have a headache like you wouldn't believe and all I want to do is pop sleeping pills or pain medicine. I'm seeing a therapist, I try to exercise, eat, vitamins...all of it. I don't know what else I can possibly do. It's so painful to live like this. I just want it to stop.

I feel like I'm turning into a crazy person. She shouldn't have this much of an effect on me! I shouldn't love her this much...

I just want to stop the tears. I want to have some peace if only for 30 minutes.

Advice? Tips? Tricks?

I just need to ask point blank, any tips or tricks to stop crying. I can't get over this women. It's been 3 weeks. I hate the fact that no matter what I do or where I go, I think of her and I am a huge mess. As most of you know, when the pain becomes too much, I just start to obsessively mock write her. Then I catch myself and tell myself that is a huge no-no.

 

I initially thought it was good to just get it out all out. But this is crippling me. I've literally cried every hour I've been awake. I have a headache like you wouldn't believe and all I want to do is pop sleeping pills or pain medicine. I'm seeing a therapist, I try to exercise, eat, vitamins...all of it. I don't know what else I can possibly do. It's so painful to live like this. I just want it to stop.

 

I feel like I'm turning into a crazy person. She shouldn't have this much of an effect on me! I shouldn't love her this much...

 

I just want to stop the tears. I want to have some peace if only for 30 minutes.

 

Advice? Tips? Tricks?

Time brother. I cried for 3 months lol. It's been 10 months and even shed some tears a few days ago lol. It's all about time man. Let it all out. It WILL subside

You will look back at this in a year and probably chuckle a bit . I cried with my mom for a long time. Now I look back and am a little embarressed lol. One day at a time brother. It will get easier. That's not a promise. It's a fact

Time brother. I cried for 3 months lol. It's been 10 months and even shed some tears a few days ago lol. It's all about time man. Let it all out. It WILL subside

3 months? Are you kidding me?! It's been 3 weeks and I feel so dead inside. I can't imagine doing this for another 2 months!!! Well I guess I at least know it won't get better anytime soon. Thanks for the response. I try not to fight the tears but it's getting increasingly harder as I'm forced to be in public

It does seem like you've been borderline obsessive about the breakup, which will result in more exhausting crying. Try reading. It helps to immerse yourself in another world sometimes. I also really like using videogames as a distraction. I'm a fan of old RPGs and when I really get into one I can sit and tune out my mind for hours. I agree with the others about time being a huge factor here, but in the short term the answer is to figure out what you enjoy and just do it. Hell, I know people who find cleaning therapeutic!

Also, if you're willing to try it, mindfulness exercises are a HUGE blessing. I remember having to bite back tears in-between seeing clients when I used to be a TSS. After lunch, i would lie back and follow guided mindfulness exercises on Youtube. The effects are not immediate, but it will help you to regulate your emotions in the long-run. Try reading about it - practicing mindfulness actually physically changes your brain! (My favorite mindfulness exercise is called "Guided Meditation for Detachment From Over-Thinking")

It does seem like you've been borderline obsessive about the breakup, which will result in more exhausting crying. Try reading. It helps to immerse yourself in another world sometimes. I also really like using videogames as a distraction. I'm a fan of old RPGs and when I really get into one I can sit and tune out my mind for hours. I agree with the others about time being a huge factor here, but in the short term the answer is to figure out what you enjoy and just do it. Hell, I know people who find cleaning therapeutic!

 

Also, if you're willing to try it, mindfulness exercises are a HUGE blessing. I remember having to bite back tears in-between seeing clients when I used to be a TSS. After lunch, i would lie back and follow guided mindfulness exercises on Youtube. The effects are not immediate, but it will help you to regulate your emotions in the long-run. Try reading about it - practicing mindfulness actually physically changes your brain! (My favorite mindfulness exercise is called "Guided Meditation for Detachment From Over-Thinking")

Yeah, she has my gaming PC as well so no go on the RPG's right now. Although, in a week I'll probably try to find a game that keeps me occupied.

Never tried the youtube videos. Going to check that out right now actually. Thank you!

Seconding mindfulness, focussing on your breathing, finding ways to short circuit the thought spiral that’s bringing you to despair. What are the stories you are telling yourself? Are they full of cognitive distortions, if they are complete fabrications can you at least add some dragons?

Do you have a friend or two (and post here) who don’t mind listening to you vent a bit? When you in despair stop and breath and drink water, maybe eat something. Experiment until you have found ways to ground yourself.

Seconding mindfulness, focussing on your breathing, finding ways to short circuit the thought spiral that’s bringing you to despair. What are the stories you are telling yourself? Are they full of cognitive distortions, if they are complete fabrications can you at least add some dragons?

 

Do you have a friend or two (and post here) who don’t mind listening to you vent a bit? When you in despair stop and breath and drink water, maybe eat something. Experiment until you have found ways to ground yourself.

I do have friends and family but I don't find I can talk to them easily. My mom and dad are like: It's been 3 weeks get over it. My dude friends are like: Yeah that's sucks bro. Screw women!

They want to be there for me but don't know what to say. The only comfort I find is posting here. Even then I feel I sound like a broken record.

The worst for me is just knowing I had a chance to fix the relationship but didn't have clarity at the time. She tried to salvage it but I didn't think it was big enough problems to end us. I was just too stubborn in the end. There was no cheating or messy breakup. She just didn't see a way out. It took me getting out of the situation to realize what needed to be fixed. And now that I know and working toward it; it doesn't matter. I mean it matters for me in the long-run but in terms of her, it's over. And I just have so much guilt over that. I have been in a lot of relationships. And I can tell you I've only hurt this bad about one other woman. I really did love her beyond what I can describe. She was my everything and I lost her. And I know I have to live with it.

Sure I'll date again and find other women. I'm not that delusional. But to find one I loved and cared for so much...one that I had so much in common with or had so much fun with. I just know it won't happen like that again. My brain and heart are telling me to do everything to fix it and stop being stupid. But then my other half is trying to tell me it's over and anything you say to her is weak/needy...stop being stupid. The struggle destroys me.

I like the idea of mindfulness, what I would say is learn to see the crying as a healing and releasing thing instead of something to be avoided.

I don't know your past history with relationships and breakups... I know from my own experience that if I tried to avoid feelings of grief then they would be that much stronger the next time.

Take this time to deal with your sadness and grief by going through it. It took me a very long time... months actually... to stop crying every day, and then after that another 18 months to stop feeling sad every day. Was hard AF to face head on but the reward is that today I am actually happy and have released all the grief and sadness I was holding onto from my past.

Keep up the good fight, it gets easier every day.

It does seem like you've been borderline obsessive about the breakup, which will result in more exhausting crying.

That was my impression too. OP, what does your therapist say about it all?

The bad news is that this is going to take a lot longer than 3 weeks. 3 weeks is very little time to expect to be over it.

The good news is that if you do everything you can to help yourself, it will get better. But looking at your other thread, you stand in your own way too much. You insist on keeping her on social media and you might back out of a trip planned with your cousin.

If you won't help yourself, you are going to prolong your own pain, OP.

I still shed a few tears after 1 year bro it takes time I'm still hurt by her betrayal and I'm not even sure how to start trusting women again but only time will tell! Looks like the grief and sadness is hitting you big time, try not too let this turn to depression because that will be difficult to recover from.......

I cried every day for 4 months, usually on the ride to work, at lunch, ride home, and again at night. I treated myself to a nice pair of Maui Jim sunglasses. Then it just stopped last weekend.

Man let that out and feel it all. Cry as much as you can. I screwed up and learned to suppress it years ago and it wreaked havoc on me for years as I had frozen grief. I will one day be thankful to my ex gf for breaking that loose.

As I read some of your posts I can’t help but wonder if there’s some codependency going on. You might listen to podcasts and audiobooks to get your mind off of it. I’d recommend “Codependency No More” by Melody Beattie. It’s been the most healing of all the books I’ve explored over the last 4 months. I started to notice some changes when I listened to it, namely going easy on myself and stopping the tears. It’s considered a classic.

Good luck man

CubbyBear... your focus is on the wrong thing. You are obsessing on what you lost and what you don't have, instead of what you gained. An opportunity to grow, to become a better man. If not for her, for any future woman in your life. And as someone who just recently stopped crying (2 and a half months), 3 weeks is not enough time. But now you should smack yourself in the head, look yourself at the mirror and say (out loud) "this is day I will start to get better."

Continue doing what you are doing, don't give up on therapy and exercising, maybe even include some meditation.

It seems you realized what you did wrong in the relationship and that you gave up too easily.

That is good.

But don't leave it at that. Now that you know - work on it to get better!!

And who knows, maybe you will tell us one day about your reconciliation story. ;)

If not, at least you will be a better man for another lucky girl!

I cried every day for 4 months, usually on the ride to work, at lunch, ride home, and again at night. I treated myself to a nice pair of Maui Jim sunglasses. Then it just stopped last weekend.

 

Man let that out and feel it all. Cry as much as you can. I screwed up and learned to suppress it years ago and it wreaked havoc on me for years as I had frozen grief. I will one day be thankful to my ex gf for breaking that loose.

 

As I read some of your posts I can’t help but wonder if there’s some codependency going on. You might listen to podcasts and audiobooks to get your mind off of it. I’d recommend “Codependency No More” by Melody Beattie. It’s been the most healing of all the books I’ve explored over the last 4 months. I started to notice some changes when I listened to it, namely going easy on myself and stopping the tears. It’s considered a classic.

 

Good luck man

Thank you. I just downloaded it and will read it on the plane.

I think the crying is a good thing. It's your body's way of purging all the grief.

There were times (post break up) I wish I would cry. I would even try to set time aside to do it. I would feel somewhat drained and relieved at the same time.

I am guessing at 3 weeks the intensity kinda concerns you. Look up the 5 stages of grief and it might make more sense to you. The first couple weeks you were probably, numb, in shock and denial.

You are likely somewhere around the stage of acceptance.

But acceptance of what has happened can be devastating. Hence the tears.

The other stages before kind of protect you from plummeting too fast.

So don't be alarmed by the grief at this point. It usually gets worse before it gets better.

But seriously, look up the stages. It helped me somewhat feel like I was on course (even though it sucked!) rather than feeling out of control.

Good advice thank you. I think you made me realize I was too much wrapped up into what my mom had said that it’s not normal to be so upset after 3 weeks. She means well but I guess i felt like something was wrong with me.

Good advice thank you. I think you made me realize I was too much wrapped up into what my mom had said that it’s not normal to be so upset after 3 weeks. She means well but I guess i felt like something was wrong with me.

OH, all those well meaning people. . especially Mom's, who don't want to see someone in pain.

If they only knew that just saying a simple `I understand' and listening helps so much more than wishing it to go away . .Or telling you basically to get over it.

They mean well. But it doesn't help.

Honor and acknowledge how you feel. That's part of the healing process.

Stuffing it or running away from is what leads to bigger problems.

Think about it for a moment.

What's one of the likely causes of people drinking or abusing other things?

They are probably numbing themselves from something they should have dealt with head on.

CubbyBear... your focus is on the wrong thing. You are obsessing on what you lost and what you don't have, instead of what you gained. An opportunity to grow, to become a better man. If not for her, for any future woman in your life. And as someone who just recently stopped crying (2 and a half months), 3 weeks is not enough time. But now you should smack yourself in the head, look yourself at the mirror and say (out loud) "this is day I will start to get better."

 

Continue doing what you are doing, don't give up on therapy and exercising, maybe even include some meditation.

It seems you realized what you did wrong in the relationship and that you gave up too easily.

That is good.

But don't leave it at that. Now that you know - work on it to get better!!

 

And who knows, maybe you will tell us one day about your reconciliation story. ;)

If not, at least you will be a better man for another lucky girl!

This is really great advice.

OP-Think of this as an opportunity. There are plenty of other great women out there for you to find, date, and get to know. I'm sure you've learned a thing or 2 because of this heartache. It will take time but you will heal...and you'll be a better man because of it.

Certain people just weren't meant to STAY in our lives. And when they leave, there is opportunity for someone else to enter our lives. You're now more aware, emotionally intelligent, and cognizant of what/the type of person you want.

(Try to) Focus on the future, and not the past

Certain people just weren't meant to STAY in our lives. And when they leave, there is opportunity for someone else to enter our lives. You're now more aware, emotionally intelligent, and cognizant of what/the type of person you want.

 

(Try to) Focus on the future, and not the past

That's a great way to look at DatingUgh, and it's how I look at it with my ex. It wasn't a long relationship, but I'm sure at that time in my life after my Dad's death, I was meant to meet her...it just wasn't meant to last.

Meditation has helped me a bit and I'm not usually the meditation type. Look for free guided meditation apps on your phone. I listen to them on the treadmill. I'm buying g a Craigslist weight bench later today. I'm not just going to not be fat any more, I'm going to be buff.

That's a great way to look at DatingUgh, and it's how I look at it with my ex. It wasn't a long relationship, but I'm sure at that time in my life after my Dad's death, I was meant to meet her...it just wasn't meant to last.

Exactly! I know it's easier said then done but if you try to keep this mentality in mind, it WILL really help.