Discouraged by how slowly my life is progressing

I am really just looking for some insight and encouragement. I just turned 27, and lately I’ve been feeling disappointed in myself for not having accomplished more. I am a teacher and I’m working on my masters degree, I’m married, but I am sad that I don’t yet have children and a house. Many of my friends that are my age have beautiful homes and children. And I feel like I’m working my butt off and not getting anywhere. Where did I go wrong? What am I not doing that everyone else is?

Set goals.

First - finish your degree and get a higher paying job (professor?). Then reward yourself.

Goal #2 - budget for a nicer place to live. Be patient and just let it happen.

^ that sort of thing.

You're so young, man. It takes more time for some people.

Trust me - once you do start reaching some of these goals, it's going to feel SO MUCH better because you worked hard for it. Nothing was given to you.

Your self-worth and confidence will start to grow. Just be patient, dude.

Well for 27 years old and being a teacher with a masters degree I would consider that extremely successful. It would have been tough building a house/marriage/kids as well as studying and building your career.

Recognize yourself for the great you have done, for all the hard work you have put in and look forward to those things in the near future.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 27, just left an abusive relationship last year and took with me A LOT of debts that weren't because of me. I have 3 children and I struggle from day to day with money as I have no education. Just now am I working towards going to Uni and getting my degree.

I just keep remembering to try to stay happy and grateful with what I have done with my life and not compare myself to others. It's the only way!

The average age of a first first time mother is about 30/31 now. Have no worries you have a career and you are plenty busy enough . Life often doesn’t work on the schedule we want it to . I had my son when I was 30 . And we didn’t have all our ducks together till we were probably mid 30s .

Set goals.

First - finish your degree and get a higher paying job (professor?). Then reward yourself.

Goal #2 - budget for a nicer place to live. Be patient and just let it happen.

^ that sort of thing.

You're so young, man. It takes more time for some people.

Trust me - once you do start reaching some of these goals, it's going to feel SO MUCH better because you worked hard for it. Nothing was given to you.

Your self-worth and confidence will start to grow. Just be patient, dude.

This is good advice, thank you

Set goals.

First - finish your degree and get a higher paying job (professor?). Then reward yourself.

Goal #2 - budget for a nicer place to live. Be patient and just let it happen.

^ that sort of thing.

You're so young, man. It takes more time for some people.

Trust me - once you do start reaching some of these goals, it's going to feel SO MUCH better because you worked hard for it. Nothing was given to you.

Your self-worth and confidence will start to grow. Just be patient, dude.

Well for 27 years old and being a teacher with a masters degree I would consider that extremely successful. It would have been tough building a house/marriage/kids as well as studying and building your career.

 

Recognize yourself for the great you have done, for all the hard work you have put in and look forward to those things in the near future.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 27, just left an abusive relationship last year and took with me A LOT of debts that weren't because of me. I have 3 children and I struggle from day to day with money as I have no education. Just now am I working towards going to Uni and getting my degree.

I just keep remembering to try to stay happy and grateful with what I have done with my life and not compare myself to others. It's the only way!

Thank you for the kind words. I try to stay positive but I’ve been in a funk lately and feeling like a failure.

The average age of a first first time mother is about 30/31 now. Have no worries you have a career and you are plenty busy enough . Life often doesn’t work on the schedule we want it to . I had my son when I was 30 . And we didn’t have all our ducks together till we were probably mid 30s .

I think part of my issue is that I’m sad that I’m not in a place to have a baby. And another part of me is scared that by the time I am ready to have a baby I won’t be fertile anymore

I think part of my issue is that I’m sad that I’m not in a place to have a baby. And another part of me is scared that by the time I am ready to have a baby I won’t be fertile anymore

Many women are fertile into their 40’s. I got pregnant at 40 and 45. My grandma had my mom when she was 40 and my mom was her first baby and that was 72 years ago .

Just check with your gyno and make sure that everything’s OK . You won’t have to worry about fertility most likely for quite a while .

Please don't compare yourself to others. You've already accomplished plenty by being a teacher and working on a masters' degree, which is pretty nice! Enjoy what you have!

Okay, I'll leave you with one quote:

"Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." :)

The more you try to Keep Up With The Jones', the more miserable you will be. Be your own benchmark and enjoy your own accomplishments. Are you happy with your husband?

It sounds like you've accomplished a lot! I hold high regard for teachers so I'm impressed by that alone. But, you're also earning your masters and managing a marriage. The quote, "Perception is not reality," has helped when I've felt like you do. If we perceive others lives as better, we are bypassing the reality of what they are feeling, thinking, or actually going through. One thing I do to keep my perspective is realize no matter how I'm perceiving my life, someone is thinking mine is better. In fact, I had a friend mention how my life was perfect and wished she was like me. I was shocked because she was who I was comparing to! During 'slump' times we don't realize the adventures around the corner, but I assure you they will come. Would it help to take time this summer to write out some long & short term goals, like buying a home? I imagine at the end of a school year of teaching and learning you are exhausted and hope maybe a little R&R over summer will bring fresh perspective.

I think part of my issue is that I’m sad that I’m not in a place to have a baby. And another part of me is scared that by the time I am ready to have a baby I won’t be fertile anymore

What does "ready" mean? When i was born, my parents scrambled to find a place to rent after living with their parents. Kids don't care if you rent or own. I honestly had no clue that my parents didn't own the first house I remember living in. A baby doesn't need 4 bedrooms and a big yard. You get a starter house or you rent. Lots of people start out young and of modest means. in the first place i lived in (that i don't remember) i had a crib in what was supposed to be a dining nook. My parents moved when I was 11 months old to a house that they rented where i had a bedroom. i was 11 when they bought their first home. i turned out fine. So did my siblings.

Many women are fertile into their 40’s. I got pregnant at 40 and 45. My grandma had my mom when she was 40 and my mom was her first baby and that was 72 years ago .

 

Just check with your gyno and make sure that everything’s OK . You won’t have to worry about fertility most likely for quite a while .

You are the exception and not the norm. I wouldn't intentionally bank on waiting that long. If they wait that long, they will be lucky to have one child if they do....or don't result in a live birth.

Signed 42 and childless.

What does "ready" mean? When i was born, my parents scrambled to find a place to rent after living with their parents. Kids don't care if you rent or own. I honestly had no clue that my parents didn't own the first house I remember living in. A baby doesn't need 4 bedrooms and a big yard. You get a starter house or you rent. Lots of people start out young and of modest means. in the first place i lived in (that i don't remember) i had a crib in what was supposed to be a dining nook. My parents moved when I was 11 months old to a house that they rented where i had a bedroom. i was 11 when they bought their first home. i turned out fine. So did my siblings.

 

 

 

 

You are the exception and not the norm. I wouldn't intentionally bank on waiting that long. If they wait that long, they will be lucky to have one child if they do....or don't result in a live birth.

 

Signed 42 and childless.

Mind you I don’t have those children I got pregnant with . I got pregnant 4 times after my first son and all perished. But I have very severe gynaecological issues. So I was done having children at 30 . My mom was done at 23 . Many many women go on even into their early 40s and have children . Not that I recommend leaving it that long but it is possible .

OP I feel you and was once in your situation. I was a teacher trying to survive in a terrible economy and moved from place to place. I couldn’t handle the job politics in the education system and left to go back to school in the mental health field. I got married while studying for my masters (was a month away from turning 30) and living under my parents roof while substitute teaching, migrant teaching, and interning at mental health facilities on the side.

I am in my 30s, pregnant (struggling with some health complications but am told that I will be ok), and in the process of buying a small house in a beach community. My husband (mid thirties) and I (early thirties) were able to finally buy a home because we switched to better paying jobs and saved for a few years. We could go larger and thought about it, but that would mean more money toward home maintenance (we turned down a few homes after home inspection reports and sellers didn’t want to pay for upgrades/repairs). We want to start somewhere simple with one kid and a corgi and have access to outdoor activities/neighborhood community.

You are doing well at 27. No seriously. Most people don’t start becoming homeowners or have children until they hit their 30’s. I started my masters program around your age and managed success later. Please do not compare yourself to your friends even though it is very difficult to do. To be frank, ENJOY being a little “irresponsible” while you don’t have kids and are renting. Go out and travel on your summers/vacationing weeks or join a meet up group to try a new hobby. Once you are pregnant and have to care for a young kid, you have to sacrifice those opportunities for a few years. It is very difficult to maintain or make new friendships as a brand new parent because it is ALL about raising a child. You are young enough to go out and have some fun before parenthood.

I think part of my issue is that I’m sad that I’m not in a place to have a baby. And another part of me is scared that by the time I am ready to have a baby I won’t be fertile anymore

Dixie Chicks “taking the long way around “ is really inspiring. At 27 I was back in grad school sftervtrying teaching (and starting a masters ). Loved the kids and couldn’t stand the workingenvironment in public schools particularly given the salary. I got married at 42 and had a baby three months later. At your age I felt like a failure because I’d wanted to be married by then and hopefully pregnant and living in the burbs. Luckily several of my friends had their first child at 40 but I went through about 10 to 25 years of feeling awful about being single and childless. I get it. But I did get in my own way and as they say man plans and god laughs. You can’t always plan for those things. In hindsight I would have had a much less stressful pregnancy if I’d been younger. More later but please feel free to PM or tell me and I will add you. Happy to chat here or on Pm

Jagger, another voice here saying keep at it; you’re doing fine! It’s also ok to feel down about things for a wee while, as long as you can channel it into your goals eventually.

At your age, I split up with the man I had moved cities to be with and thought I would marry. Had to move back in with parents and go back to my old low paid job in an industry I’m stuck in. I’m still here 3 years later, and haven’t had a relationship since then. Want to swap places? Instead, I would echo the others and enjoy your marriage right now, concentrate on finishing your masters and making a loose timeline to buying a bigger place/getting pregnant. Make sure you are living as healthy as possible and being kind to yourself (wish I could follow that advice too!)

Wish you all the best!