My ex texted me today....

You can view my previous thread about how my ex dumped me 3 weeks ago because he wasn’t “ready” for a relationship. I begged him to meet me but he didn’t give an answer.

It was 10 days of no contact afterwards until today I finally heard from him.

“I was thinking of you today. I hope you’re doing well. If you wanted to meet up still id like that”

I told him I’d thought about it and if he wasn’t ready for a relationship it would just do more damage than good to meet up.

He said “are you sure that’s what you want?”

And I said “I’m sure I want to be happy. And I will be with someone whose 100% in it, and if youre not, I’d be happier alone”

He didn’t respond. It took everything in me not to say yes. I feel like I’ve been trying to be better these past 3 weeks and he just put me back.

He didn’t try to convince me at all. He didn’t fight for it. He didn’t deny he wasn’t ready.

I’m hurting. So badly. I want him back more than anything. I just don’t want to get hurt again.

If I were you, I would have met up with him and hear him out. Since he contacted you just 10 days into NC, he could have had a change of heart.

Now you may never know.

If he had a change of heart he had plenty of opportunities to say it though. I told him “he’d just hurt me again” and he didn’t deny it.

He responded saying “I understand, Noelle. I just wish I could’ve seen you one last time.”

Meaning he didn’t have a change of heart, just wanted to say goodbye. It makes it that much more real.

If he had a change of heart he had plenty of opportunities to say it though. I told him “he’d just hurt me again” and he didn’t deny it.

He responded saying “I understand, Noelle. I just wish I could’ve seen you one last time.”

 

Meaning he didn’t have a change of heart, just wanted to say goodbye. It makes it that much more real.

Exactly! No change of heart, he simply threw out a line and bravo for you standing your ground. I can't say I would have been as strong in your situation so good for you.

A lot of people who don't want to put out for a relationship are hoping that the person will chase after them anyway. You set a clear boundary and stuck to it. I have a high amount of respect for people who know what they want and won't accept less. You gave him another chance to change his mind and you got silence in return. That's a clear indication that he was testing your boundaries and seeing if he could use you for what he wanted. Bravo for sticking to your guns and take solace in the fact that you know for sure now what you wanted was not on the table with him!

If he had a change of heart he had plenty of opportunities to say it though. I told him “he’d just hurt me again” and he didn’t deny it.

He responded saying “I understand, Noelle. I just wish I could’ve seen you one last time.”

Meaning he didn’t have a change of heart, just wanted to say goodbye. It makes it that much more real.

Okay, this bolded part was not included in your original post. Since he used the words "one last time", then I totally agree with you for not seeing him.

I think that he may have been looking for an ego boost. Wanted to confirm that you are still pining over him. In this case, continue on your journey of NC and let him get his ego massaged elsewhere.

Thank you everyone! You all are making me so much more at ease with my decision not to meet him.

I tried to be so strong. I told him “I can’t be happy if I’m trying to convince someone to love me. If you aren’t ready for a relationship, I have to move on.” and I hope he feels some of the hurt of rejection I felt for 3 weeks. I want what’s best for him, and I want him to be happy too. But I hope he feels a little sad when he thinks about the fact that he didn’t get to see me “one last time.”

It’s so hard to keep a strong face when you haven’t eaten in weeks, or slept through the night and can’t think of anything but him. But I do need to move on, and I will. Just sucks when your brain and your heart want two different things.

Okay, this bolded part was not included in your original post. Since he used the words "one last time", then I totally agree with you for not seeing him.

 

I think that he may have been looking for an ego boost. Wanted to confirm that you are still pining over him. In this case, continue on your journey of NC and let him get his ego massaged elsewhere.

Cristal

Yes he responded that after I’d posted this! Sorry. But yes. That shows he hasn’t changed his decisions maybe he wanted a friendship but I can’t do that yet and I won’t put myself in that position

I'm proud of you! you 100% made the right decision. I'm sure one day he will regret his decision, and by then you'll be happy and on with your life. Kudos to you. I hope I have your strength if my ex is ever in touch (6 weeks absolutely NC after a 4.5 year relationship.. it's brutal)

If he's really into you now, he would try again and again. You better be on the NC and don't try any further interactions with him. I totally understand you're now way too weak emotionally. But deal with it like a Bull! It's better to deal with emotions rather than talking to him after the breakup.

If he's genuinely feeling for you, he'll convince you and will try his best to win your heart.

You made the right decision, OP.

If he'd wanted to talk about reconciliation, you'd know by now. Seeing him would have been incredibly painful since you know he wasn't looking to get back together.

Thank you guys. I woke up from a bad dream this morning, of him telling me to go away. Him telling me he just didn’t want me anymore. It was so painful!

Then I looked at my phone and there’s a text from him. “I still love you. What does this mean for us?”

ugh!

Noelle94 - your response is a definition of what a response should be to any ex trying to reach out after a breakup. I'm going to copy/paste it and keep it with me to have it ready once my ex contacts me again.

Good job! Don't regret it one bit! You did the best thing you could do!

If he had a change of heart he had plenty of opportunities to say it though. I told him “he’d just hurt me again” and he didn’t deny it.

He responded saying “I understand, Noelle. I just wish I could’ve seen you one last time.”

 

Meaning he didn’t have a change of heart, just wanted to say goodbye. It makes it that much more real.

This is what you need to focus on, not the what if. If he'd had a change of heart, he had ample opportunity to make that clear. He didn't. Continuing no contact and giving yourself a chance to heal is what you need now.

Ugh this is a tough one because I am just like you. But after going through one of the toughest break ups of my life, I think you should have agreed to meet up with him. He made the effort, after all. I think it's better knowing vs. never knowing what could have been. I know that you are afraid of being hurt, but you're hurt regardless. I know that you think you deserve more, but sometimes people only have so much to give and that's not to say that it can't grow. Sometimes our pride really does get in the way, but if there's one thing I've learned is never do anything that you dont' intend. Do you intend on getting back together with him? If not, then you did the right thing and you can now move on, as sad as it is. But if you still want him back, then meeting with him would have been the right thing to do.

My ex actually had reached out to me a month after our break up, after all my begging for us to meet, and asked to meet with me face to face to tell me how sorry he was for how he treated me. I agreed but then he never set anything up with me, every time I asked him about it after that he said he was too busy. Eventually, we never met and I'm still left wondering what we could have talked about if he had kept his word. But not everyone is an a** like my ex, and I'm sure that yours actually meant it when he asked to meet you.

If he had a change of heart he had plenty of opportunities to say it though. I told him “he’d just hurt me again” and he didn’t deny it.

He responded saying “I understand, Noelle. I just wish I could’ve seen you one last time.”

 

Meaning he didn’t have a change of heart, just wanted to say goodbye. It makes it that much more real.

I think you did the right thing. I see no point in sitting across from someone who broke your heart so they go down a list of all the reasons they no longer want to be with you. That and him wanting to see you one last time benefits him, not you.

You may never understand, so just fill the blank with something you can handle. All the sorted details does not change the outcome.

Meeting them at this point will indeed set you back.

Look what a simple text did?

Shake this off. . stay strong and hang in there.

Head high.

A lot of people who don't want to put out for a relationship are hoping that the person will chase after them anyway. You set a clear boundary and stuck to it. I have a high amount of respect for people who know what they want and won't accept less. You gave him another chance to change his mind and you got silence in return. That's a clear indication that he was testing your boundaries and seeing if he could use you for what he wanted. Bravo for sticking to your guns and take solace in the fact that you know for sure now what you wanted was not on the table with him!

I so agree with this!

I also went through something to this effect- where I backed out knowing in ways I was being used.. again! :(

That frikkin hurts, when you are getting feelings for them but they are sending off 'confused' signals or using you to their own advantage.

So right to learn to respect self and when to walk.

when he texted me telling me he loved me this morning and asking “what does this mean”

I responded with “only you know what it means. You don’t want a relationship, right? I just don’t want to hurt anymore”

That was 8am, it is now 12am. He never answered. Maybe he doesn’t care, or maybe he doesn’t want to cause more pain. I hope it’s the second.

If he could have stated he wanted to try again and that it was more than a closure meet up then I would’ve said yes. But he never indicated it was anything other than to say goodbye.

If he doesn’t want to be together I don’t need him to tell me in person for me to understand.

Thank you everyone for all the support!

My heart is so sad :( I pictured that moment so many times where he would ask to meet me. But this was not what I imagined.

You gave him the ultimatum and he didn’t respond with a resounding response of wanting reconciliation or he made a mistake ..etc...SO there’s your answer. Personally what got me over my ex (24 years together then she bailed for her AP) was complete No Contact. These little fortune cookie messages will set you back. I had to block her and delete off Facebook etc..just completely let her go. That accelerated the healing. Believe me if he truly wanted you back, blocking him etc won’t stop him from bulldozing his way in. Everything else is mindless BS just to make himself feel better.

Thank you everyone! He never replied to those last texts I sent yesterday. But “butt dialed” me this morning. Hmmm strange. He texted apologizing for the call but I didn’t answer.

NO CONTACT! unless I hear the words “I want to fix things”, he will not be hearing from me again!

You all are great and this forum has been really helping me deal with the breakup. I’m going back to NC, now. :)

Hmmm strange. He texted apologizing for the call but I didn’t answer.

The butt dial excuse isn’t strange AT ALL. Just typical par for the course actions of some one who wants control. Good job on the ignoring and NC...it takes time to make that final decision to block, I blocked and unblocked so many times it was insane. Now I don’t even know if she is blocked lol..that’s where you want to get to. Just not giving a crap anymore.

Cristal

Yes he responded that after I’d posted this! Sorry. But yes. That shows he hasn’t changed his decisions maybe he wanted a friendship but I can’t do that yet and I won’t put myself in that position

Phenomenal strength! Most people do the opposite and wish that they would of kept their dignity like you did! Wohoo!