Too Soon?

So, I have mostly only ever been in long term relationships. I just got out of an 8 year long relationship in early February. It was a pretty turbulent one, and I got out of it with the goal of getting everything together. I've been fixing my credit (which is going phenomenally), and working towards doing everything I need to do to get myself and my boys into a new place (as we are currently staying at my moms because childcare is costing me 1 grand and a half). It's going to be another two years before I can put my youngest in VPK, and my oldest starts kindergarten in August this year. I'm thinking that afterwards I can really have a shot at affording some sort of rent on a two bedroom.

Really, this is all I've been focusing my energy on for three moths. And its obviously going to be a while before my long term goals can be recognized. I mean, I haven't even much given myself time to feel sorry about the end of that relationship, because my goal has been to stay focused. I wake up, get the boys ready for school, take them, work, pick them up, drive home, cook, clean, get them ready for bed, and sleep. In the morning I do it all over again. Five days a week. My mom begrudgingly *might* help me watch them once a week, and when she doesn't I'm just finding ways to entertain my babies (and my 6 year old nephew who lives with us because his mom is in no way to take care of him.) The boys father and I are still working out the ins and outs of the whole time sharing thing. I can't even begin to explain all that considering the numerous factors involved. So he's mainly not an option right now.

In short, I am burnt out. But that's just backstory, in terms of this post.

I have had a handful of guys make attempts, and really I haven't had any interest. In fact, the idea of dating right now scares me. But we all knew that this post was going to take this turn, so here we go. There is, in fact, a guy. We dated when we were kids. About 12, or something. He was a great guy back then, and we just sort of touched base with each other now any then. When I moved back down from Ocala, we started talking again. He wasn't one of the guys who seemed interested in that way. I mean, we could spend hours talking, but he didn't so much as give me bedroom eyes. He certainly didn't steer the conversation towards hooking up in any way.

Then, last Thursday, I got a night out for the first time in a few weeks. We went to a local dive bar, and had a really good time. I mean, I forgot what it was like to laugh. To go out for a night, have a few drinks, and not end up in a fight.

When he said goodbye that night, it was different. I hugged him and he sort of held on real tight, and so did I. And then we kissed. It felt...familiar, but much better. Maybe because I've known him for so long, and because we've both grown so much. He's got all of these goals and ideas, and seems to fill every void that I've been lacking for the last eight years. He makes me feel funny and beautiful, and it was always like that before (when we were kids). So I honestly don't feel worried that this is some sort of... rouse.

But I mean now, what I meant before that kiss, and everything that happened in the following dates. I want and need to stay focused, and I'm worried that it would be too soon. I mean, I checked out of my past relationship long before I left. We weren't intimate in basically any sense of the word, and I sometimes wonder if I am just self-sabotaging because I'm lonely and tired of working so hard all the time.

But I get excited when I hear from him. When I know I'm going to see him, I look forward to it. He asked me what we were the other night, and I told him I don't know in the most rambly way I could have. But I knew what I had rehearsed in the case of such a situation. And then I knew what I wanted to say, which was the exact opposite.

I feel like I want this, but I shouldn't. Not because this guy isn't a great guy (because he's always has been.). I just... I'm scared to date again. Especially right now. Especially when I have so much weight on me. I just wish I knew how to tell when its not too soon anymore. Because, he makes me feel so comfortable in my skin. Like I can do anything. And he is... ambitious, and hardworking, and funny, and caring.

Ughh. This is...frustrating.

It is okay to go out once in awhile and have a good time. It may be too soon from leaving your kids' dad to really consider a relationship, but it is okay to go out once in awhile as long as you are not abusing your mother's time in watching the kids.

When he asks "what are we" i would tell him that you had the first nice time out since the end of your relationship. You considered it a date if he did. you can even say you didn't know what to say when put on the spot because you weren't expecting him to ask. you can say that you really like him but also want to be careful since you are just figuring out this single mom thing and aren't ready to make a commitment to anyone due to that.

It may not be a rouse, but do you know him well, or is it about nostalgia? Do you feel he sort of swooped in too quickly after your breakup? I also think that your guy radar is a little broken because your ex was abusive. you might be a little blind if anyone comes on too strong.

I am not saying that you should not go out and have a good time sometimes, but you need to be VERY careful and make sure everyone knows your kids are first.

Well, I would like to hear his story. Was he married? Is he divorced? Does he have kids? Is he successful? It helps to figure out where he's coming from.

As for you, you sound like you're not ready. Technically you are dating. And this is a kind of "safe" relationship since you've known the guy since you were kids. All of the girls I've dated I've known as friends from 6 months to years long, so I knew a great deal about them before dating them. You should know how trustworthy your friend is. How has he been in previous relationships and what cause his previous break ups? You can work out whether to go further or not.

I feel that the most important thing is that you take your time because if any guy really want and loves you, he'll be alright waiting and will support you :)

I feel that the most important thing is that you take your time because if any guy really want and loves you, he'll be alright waiting and will support you :)

Exactly if you have known this guy since you were 12 and you tell him that you are not ready to jump into anything since you just got out of an abusive marriage (i can't remember if you were married or living together - are you officially divorced) and you need to get yourself in order. If you separated and not divorced - you say that you are still married and that you cannot date officially until the divorce is final - there is nothing murky about that. you tell him the kiss happened too fast and that its best to not date until the divorce is final. If he can't respect that, he doesn't respect boundaries.