Need advice badly

Hello. So after 6-7 years i found new girlfriend and i love her and she loves me etc, but there is one thing that is driving me crazy and i don't know what i'm supposed to do. I'll give you some backround story.

So when i was teenager (14-15yrs old) i had relationship that lasted like 1,5 years. Cruel fact is that in that time i hit my girlfriend couple of times. She also hit me, pulled me way too many times from hair etc, basically we had violent relationship at the end, i'm not trying to defend what i've done. We break up 6-7 years ago, and since then i've been regretting very deeply what i did to her, every single day. I told her that also. I really don't know what was wrong with me back then, i was young and f*king dumb.

You don't have to believe me but i'm totally different nowadays than back then, i never had any mental problems and i'm very aware of my mental state, and it's stable. I would NEVER EVER hit any woman again. I get it, it's hard to believe that, "once you hit girl, you will always hit" or something like that. Again, i'm not trying to convince any of you to believe me, i know myself best and i damn sure know i'm speaking truth.

When i started this new relationship i told myself that past is past, i'm changed so i really don't have to tell my gf what i've done in the past, but all the sudden when i was thinking that today, i started feel very bad and now i cannot get that out of my head if i should tell her that or not.

I don't wanna be dishonest, but also i don't wanna lose this girl. I love her, really, and i know my past wont happen ever again so i really don't want her to get in fear of that or that she thinks i'm still like what i used to be back in the days.

I'm pretty sure i would lose this girl if i'd tell her what i've done, or maybe i would have to break up if i tell her because i don't want her to have any thoughts or fears about me for "no reason".

I may sound desperate, thats true, i don't know what i'm supposed to do. I want to let me past go and not think of it again, but i don't know why i'm thinking about this right now. I really don't know.

Please, help me.

All you can do is keep it to yourself or if it's bothering you, put it out there and let her decide if it's a red flag at this time.

People definitely can change, as much easier it is to say "once [x], always [x]." What concerns me is that (at least by the way you write it) it sounds like this is your first actual relationship since the girl you say you abused 6 years ago. If you'd been in other long-term relationships since then, where you've had strong feelings for someone and had those same buttons pushed and subsequently employed proper anger management, I think you'd be in a much better position to convince yourself (never mind us) you've in fact changed. The discretion is up to you. It may be worth seeing a counselor and letting them help gauge whether they think you're still a risk enough to merit essentially putting her in a position to worry about potentially being physically harmed in the future.

It's also worth noting that there is a difference between one-sided abuse and what would be considered toxic, or mutually abusive. For example, your ex hitting you, you hitting her back, as controversial as many may think my opinion of it, isn't what I'd call "abuse" for your part, at least assuming she didn't shove you only for you to proceed to go in guns blazing. You striking her first obviously would be abusive. While perhaps not necessarily excusable, I do consider it much more understandable and less indicative of someone's character if anyone, man or woman, strikes someone else as a response to having been struck first. That's not to say you shouldn't work on managing your anger and not physically escalating a conflict even if in response, but that, again assuming mutuality, you may want to forgive yourself a bit more and be careful not to slant your portrayal of yourself to others as a full-on former abuser.

Are you the same man you were back then? If not, then why bring it up now? People change, you're no longer that guy, and you don't ever want to be that guy ever again, so leave him in the past, you don't need to keep paying for his mistakes.

You've changed, so move forward and let it go. It's done and gone.

I'm sorry that is bugging you. My current boyfriend has hit me a few times and has been violent, and he hasn't stopped. When he said he would stop, he just did it again out of anger. For that reason, I don't want to be him becuase it scares me that he doesn't mind doing this out of anger. He feels bad that he has hit me, and I understand you feel bad too. Maybe you haven't been violent since. But if I were you, and sense it is bugging you, I would tell your girlfriend. Let her decide. I'm sure if she loves you, there will not be a doubt. She knows YOU, she knows HOW YOU are. I would let her decide. good luck :)