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Hi,

 

So I'm a 37 yo guy. Relatively attractive, in shape, good job, educated, own my own home blah blah blah. Just finalizing my divorce (thank God) after 5+ years of marriage and 10+ years of being with the same woman. Divorce is going/went amicably. We're both much happier and wish each other nothing but happiness. I moved back home to Massachusetts and am living at our lake house (which is now my lake house as of the final divorce proceedings...which is awesome).

 

After we decided to go the divorce route, I started talking with a 30 y.o. woman (woman 1) via text local to me then in NJ, who was also in the midst of a divorce. Although we have not met, we've become good friends. We had planned to meet after her divorce was final but she decided to go on a cross country trip with her childhood friend (female) and tour the united states. We've had many intimate conversations. She is "in love" with me, wants to have my babies, is already talking wedding...etc etc. I understand this is a bit of over the top type of behavior. My position this entire time has been "while yes, we do seem like we'd get along magically, let's meet first and take it from there". She is coming back from her trip mid June (a ~3 weeks) and wants to stay at my place for a few days.

 

In the mean time, I've met a woman local to the lakehouse (woman 2). My primary thought before I began dating again was compatibility. MY ex wife and I were just so different. My next serious relationship, I thought, we HAVE to like to do the same things. I'm very active, VERY outdoorsy, and my partner NEEDS to like some of those things too. Woman 2 is exactly that.....she likes to hike, camp, "adventure" even more than I do. She is kind, sweet, and overall, an amazing person. Plus, she is absolutely stunning. The downsides: she has been divorced twice (not really a big deal for me), she has 2 kids (17 and 11) which is also not a big deal to me whatsoever but the time she has available to date is minimal (kids come first, I know). She also has some trust issues because of her 2 divorces and other life experiences which I wont get into. We have been dating for 2 months and things are progressing slowly...well much slower than I'm accustomed too...which is probably a good thing. She is a kind of go with the flow type of person. She just wants to have fun, do fun stuff together and while she isn't shying away from stating "i only want to be with you, no one else", she isn't exactly "committing" to something serious with me at this point. However, I want commitment, to get remarried. She also can not have kids any longer (hysterectomy) and I always thought I'd have kids one day.

 

I know I should probably just tell woman 2 that it won't work out because we want different things. But it is just that she is sooo amazing, compatibility is off the charts, and I think I may love her. She literally makes me melt, lose focus, forget what I'm going to say, mind goes blank.

 

Meanwhile, woman 1 is out there and is like ready to commit, wants babies, marriage, to move in, everything ASAP yet I haven't even met her yet. Assuming I end things with woman 2, I'll try to take things slow with woman 1 and see how things go. If they don't work out, oh well.

 

I realize this all sounds crazy...but it is what it is. Thoughts, tips, advice, of the constructive variety, is much appreciated!

 

Thx

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Honest answer? Neither. Keep looking and slow the eff down if don't want to be that guy with 5 divorces under his belt and nothing to show for his life.

 

Woman 1....good grief, psycho. Even if you do decide to meet her, DO NOT let her come to your place to stay. Meet her somewhere neutral and very public and see IF there is any personal chemistry there at all or not. Your connection with her is really based on a false foundation - two people commiserating over respective divorces. You've made a nice crutch for each other and no doubt it made things easier for both of you having someone in your corner, a new option, but that does not make for a good new relationship. Just a good rebound/divorce crutch. Her marriage and baby talk....jeebus....dude please use your head, the upper one, and if you decide to sleep with her, tripple bag it. Yup, what she is saying to you is that level of crazy.

 

Woman 2, red flags flying and major deal breaker too. She is hot, the chemistry might be off the charts, but your lower head is doing too much thinking here, which you'll regret later. Don't waste anymore of her time or yours.

 

Fresh out of divorce like that, have some fun dating, but maybe avoid jumping into anything serious. Take some time out to actually process your divorce and what all really went wrong. Hate to tell you this, but lots of people have happy, healthy, successful marriages even though they don't share common interests. Look deeper and take a more honest look at your part in the demise of your marriage. It wasn't just lack of common interests.

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Honest answer? Neither. Keep looking and slow the eff down if don't want to be that guy with 5 divorces under his belt and nothing to show for his life.

 

Woman 1....good grief, psycho. Even if you do decide to meet her, DO NOT let her come to your place to stay. Meet her somewhere neutral and very public and see IF there is any personal chemistry there at all or not. Your connection with her is really based on a false foundation - two people commiserating over respective divorces. You've made a nice crutch for each other and no doubt it made things easier for both of you having someone in your corner, a new option, but that does not make for a good new relationship. Just a good rebound/divorce crutch. Her marriage and baby talk....jeebus....dude please use your head, the upper one, and if you decide to sleep with her, tripple bag it. Yup, what she is saying to you is that level of crazy.

 

Woman 2, red flags flying and major deal breaker too. She is hot, the chemistry might be off the charts, but your lower head is doing too much thinking here, which you'll regret later. Don't waste anymore of her time or yours.

 

Fresh out of divorce like that, have some fun dating, but maybe avoid jumping into anything serious. Take some time out to actually process your divorce and what all really went wrong. Hate to tell you this, but lots of people have happy, healthy, successful marriages even though they don't share common interests. Look deeper and take a more honest look at your part in the demise of your marriage. It wasn't just lack of common interests.

 

Seriously...I really appreciate your insight and comments.

 

Woman 1-we've been talking/video chatting for like 6 months. Yea it did start of as using each other as a crutch to get through each others divorce. But we became very close in the past several months. We're pretty compatible I'd say. She wants to be married to the right person, and have kids/a nice life and likes to do similar things that I do. I'd like to take things slow and date her at the very least. We've been talking for so long I think it would be a shame to not at least go on a couple dates. She doesn't sleep around...she hasn't had sex in over a year. Shes not that kind of girl. Of course I have no way of knowing this for sure...I'm completely realistic and realize she could easily be pulling the wool over my eyes. It just doesn't seem likely.

 

For me, my relationaship was over years ago. I have zero hang ups about my ex. I've processed things plenty (maybe overly so). I understand that I am just as much at fauult for our divorce as she is. We both tried very hard (in various ways) and it just wasn't going to work out. We're just 2 completely different people...I've changed alot (for the better?) since we first got together when I was 25/26. She has too. We just grew apart. There are multiple other reasons that there isn't enough space on the interwebz for.

 

Woman 2-what red flags may I ask? I don't think my lower head is doing all the thinking. We go on dates once/twice a week and sometimes we don't even have sex. What really does it for me with this woman is the compatibility aspect. We just have so much in common and have so much fun together...just talking or going whitewater kayaking, camping, hiking, etc.

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Play the field and enjoy your freedom. Don't do the typical 'divorcing and replacing' mistake many people make. You haven't met jersey girl and she's talking marriage, babies, etc.? Yeah run. As far as local girl, go camping, roast marshmallows, but stay friends and keep it very casual.

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Re woman 1, I didn't mean std's more like ooopsies I'm pregnant. Talking for so long can create this sense of closeness and connection, but it's also a bit of an illusion. In reality, you don't actually know each other. You simply cannot really know another person without spending some serious face to face real life time together. Like I said, meet her but in public. Do not commit yourself to her coming over to your place and staying. At least not until you have met, spent some time, gone on some dates.

 

Re woman 2 - two divorces is kind of a red flag. Whether it's her, whether it's the men she picks - like it or not, she is the common denominator in that. The deal breakers of course is that you want children and she can't have any more. This is one of those, where the connection might be great and you have a lot of fun with her, but....the longer you stick around, the more painful it will be to part ways later. Going back to the red flag thing, this might have been my personal mileage, but I've noticed that people who have multiple broken marriages/long term relationships may seem all together initially, but after some time you realize that they were the problem, not the victim. Even assuming that she is the except to the rule so to speak, you need to be honest with yourself and think long and hard how important it is for you to have your own children. If it's important, I'd say bail before breaking up becomes that much harder.

 

Overall, soooo many women are outdoorsy. Hiking, backpacking, camping and so on. It's really not that rare of a find. Hiking groups are heavily dominated by women.

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I vote for you to continue dating. Honestly, is there a rush of some sort?

 

Especially after describing having been married to someone ill suited for you, how about you take your time, date and hold out for the right fit.

Not the 'right now' fits.

 

Take your time, be selective in your next choice and believe you deserve it.

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thank you for the advice guys. Sound stuff. Ugh....I am going to try to talk to woman 2 and tell her we should just be friends. It's going to be incredibly difficult to do so (bc I really like her) but given my wants/needs, it's probably the right decision. This is going to be very hard to do. Ugh.

 

Woman 1-when she gets back from her trip, she'll be in NJ and I'll be in Mass. So just going on a casual date or 2 is going to be difficult logistically. But I agree this is the best route and I agree that talking for months is much different than meeting in person, face to face.

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Absolutely no excuse for having not met no 1 yet. Drop her now. It's weird that you haven't met and ridiculous to be claiming love to a complete stranger. And besides, if she really felt soooo in love, she would've met you by now. I smell a catfish.

 

No 2. Say bye bye. She's not for you. There are too many exceptions, to many "buts".

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I vote for you to continue dating. Honestly, is there a rush of some sort?

 

Especially after describing having been married to someone ill suited for you, how about you take your time, date and hold out for the right fit.

Not the 'right now' fits.

 

Take your time, be selective in your next choice and believe you deserve it.

 

Well, there kind of is a rush in my view. If I do end up having kids, I want to do it soon (re: 37 years old). I have everything else I could ever want/need....except a life partner. I really want one. I'm ready....I know what I want and I know the type of person who I want to be with. Ive thought about these things extensively, in every facet imaginable. And I really feel like I am being selective....and woman #2, at least in my view, and besides not being able to have kids, is as close to exactly what I want as I think I'm going to ever find. We've been taking things slow...much slower than I am accustomed to. Man...breaking up with her is going to be very hard.

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Absolutely no excuse for having not met no 1 yet. Drop her now. It's weird that you haven't met and ridiculous to be claiming love to a complete stranger. And besides, if she really felt soooo in love, she would've met you by now. I smell a catfish.

 

No 2. Say bye bye. She's not for you. There are too many exceptions, to many "buts".

 

we've videochatted extensively...shes not catfish. After we both were getting a divorce and we had not met, I stopped texting her for a week or 2 because I was frustrated we hadn't mete yet. During that time, she had decided that as a result of her own divorce, she needed to figure things out and decided to go on her impromptu trip across the US. She hadn't said "I love you" until we started talking back up while shes been on her trip. She's actually cutting it short so we can meet.

 

Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out with either of them.....and I go back into the dating pool again I suppose.

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Neither seem like the right one to me. Woman 1 sounds crazy and woman 2 sounds like she's been around the block too many times. Don't lose out on children! They are absolutely wonderful!

Keep looking.

 

Thank you. Woman 2 hasn't been around the block. She married early (19) and got remarried at 26 (divorced 3 years ago). She hasn't been with anyone, hasn't dated or anything in about 3 years. She has been very skeptical to even trust let alone date any man for 3 years. Until I came along....because ya know, I'm awesome and everything. Lol.

 

And while woman 1 comments about loving me, babies, marriage COMPLETELY defies anything resembling a logical thought process in terms of dating/relationships, and while it does sound ABSOLUTELY crazy...I kind of dig it. Maybe it's just nice to be wanted again (to the Nth degree lol)

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I'm older, going through a (4 months now) divorce from an 18 year marriage, and I've just started looking at other women again.

 

I say stop! Go find other women and just have honest-to-goodness fun with them. Experience life for a while before you commit to giving half of yourself to someone else...AGAIN.

This is your chance to live for yourself dude. Live for yourself for a while!

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Please do not put all your apples in one basket! Date and have fun... if this number2 was for you, you wouldn't have all these BUTS. If number1 love you as much as she has said, she should have put you first instead of taking a road trip. So don't settle - you are free now to explore and date. Know what you want and have fun.

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Thank you everyone for your replies.

 

I'm going to tell woman 2 today that I think we're better off as just friends. I really do want to keep her as a friend to go adventuring with. We both need that...going whitewater kayaking....ya kind of need someone else there with ya. And we still get along great. So why not keep her as a friend....as long as she's willing (I'm pretty certain she is). And....I will have no problem being just friends w/o any sex or anything.

 

Woman 1-I'm going to tell her I think it's best if she just comes up to my place for the night. She has to drive 3 hours to get here....I do want to go out on a date with her and begin to evaluate if there is REALLY anything there. I don't want to send her back to NJ/drive back 3 hours after our date.....she really wants to go out on the lake and check out the area so a date somewhere between me and her isn't ideal. But I agree, a few days-week stay is a bit over the top. And then just take it relatively slow and see where things go....and I'll be open to dating other people too!

 

I'm not settling....EVER! Ive just happen to meet (well 1 is great but still need to actually meet her) 2 great women. But at least with woman 2, I don't think there is the potential for anything other than friends.

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Married twice? That's not great stats and she can't offer children and has trust issues...doesn't look good.

 

I know you think you're in love but you need to be reasonable as well. She doesn't sound like the right one for you.

 

I love her as a person for who she is, what she is, what she has gone through and overcome. I realize the differences between the 2 of us may be insurmountable. I really think she just wants to have someone to go and do stuff with/have fun. Which is not in alignment with what I want (plus the whole kids thing). So I realize a LTR isn't really in the cards for us.

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I'm older, going through a (4 months now) divorce from an 18 year marriage, and I've just started looking at other women again.

 

I say stop! Go find other women and just have honest-to-goodness fun with them. Experience life for a while before you commit to giving half of yourself to someone else...AGAIN.

This is your chance to live for yourself dude. Live for yourself for a while!

 

Great advice! I am definitely going to do my own thing and have fun/do all the things I want to do....but I'll always be on the lookout for "the one"

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Glad that you see that woman 2 is a no go. Since you are highly attracted to her, doubt that becoming close friends is such a great idea for you to be honest. You'll continue to develop a bond and you'll start measuring other women against her and they'll never measure up. You already mentioned that you are falling for her. If you want people to go do outdoors stuff with - go to meetup.com, you'll find plenty of active outdoors groups for all your camping, kayaking, etc, etc, needs. Might be a better way to go and yes, those groups are full of women as well. You might end up meeting someone organically like that who is a great fit.

 

Woman 1, why don't you drive to her neck of the woods? She is showing her cray cray....soo...yeah...

 

Honestly, whether you want to admit it or not, you are in a typical post divorce panic zone. I'm single, my life didn't pan out like planned, omg must find someone new, must get back on track. IF you succumb to that fear, you'll just end up with divorce #2. Slow down, relax and take some time to get your feet under you and not feel this panic. Trust that you will be OK and yes, you will find someone - but vet her properly and make sure you are in a place mentally and emotionally where you are capable. The fact that you consider either of these women a great option shows loud and clear that you are pretty far away from that place right now. Keep in mind that woman 1 is also in the same panic zone and so you two are liable to fuel each other - feels good in the short term, but doesn't make for a good foundation for anything else.

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Glad that you see that woman 2 is a no go. Since you are highly attracted to her, doubt that becoming close friends is such a great idea for you to be honest. You'll continue to develop a bond and you'll start measuring other women against her and they'll never measure up. You already mentioned that you are falling for her. If you want people to go do outdoors stuff with - go to meetup.com, you'll find plenty of active outdoors groups for all your camping, kayaking, etc, etc, needs. Might be a better way to go and yes, those groups are full of women as well. You might end up meeting someone organically like that who is a great fit.

 

Woman 1, why don't you drive to her neck of the woods? She is showing her cray cray....soo...yeah...

 

Honestly, whether you want to admit it or not, you are in a typical post divorce panic zone. I'm single, my life didn't pan out like planned, omg must find someone new, must get back on track. IF you succumb to that fear, you'll just end up with divorce #2. Slow down, relax and take some time to get your feet under you and not feel this panic. Trust that you will be OK and yes, you will find someone - but vet her properly and make sure you are in a place mentally and emotionally where you are capable. The fact that you consider either of these women a great option shows loud and clear that you are pretty far away from that place right now. Keep in mind that woman 1 is also in the same panic zone and so you two are liable to fuel each other - feels good in the short term, but doesn't make for a good foundation for anything else.

 

woman 2-I'm physically attracted to her, yes, but I CAN control myself. I think, at this point, being friends with her (or any woman/person) would actually be ideal! I'll be able to prove to myself that I can control myself, that despite my desire to be in a relationship, I know that it wouldn't work out and being just friends is the better option. I feel like being able to prove these things to myself would be really helpful in my personal growth....being able to just be friends with someone I'm physically attracted to but knowing it wouldn't work out because we want different things. I think I need to be able to do this so, next time I'm physically attracted to a woman, I'll be able to decipher lust vs my desire to be in a LTR...and make the right decision accordingly.

 

Woman 1-yea I suppose I could do that. I'm just sick of driving several hours every single weekend. I like being at the lake house and having guests over. I'll have to mull this over.

 

Post divorce panic zone-perhaps but I think you're making some uninformed assumptions. I've always REALLY wanted to connect with a woman and have a great relationship that lasts. This isn't the result of the divorce. I'm not panicking/freaking out "oh no I need to be with SOMEONE". I'm fine on my own...I've done it for everal years in the past....and I just need to get back into the swing of things I guess. I've been doing it. I've been on my own again since February/March....and I've only been seeing woman 2 once/twice a week max. I've had plenty of time by myself, and do my own thing. Yea I still get lonely sometimes but I'm working on that....and I have plenty of things to keep me occupied. Woman 2 has been through this post divorce loneliness thing...we've talked about it a lot. She has actually helped me with it a lot. And I'm in a good place mentally and emotionally (and physically...I've been kicking butt in this department).

 

Keep in mind that there isn't a prescription for a "good foundation" for a new relationship. For me, it's being friends, having similar interests, and enjoying each others company. I have that with woman 2 but there isn't anything to build on because we want different things....to go along with the foundation analogy...I believe she wants to build a duplex and I want to build a cabin in the woods. Won't work. But she is a great person and THAT is why I consider her a "great option"..regardless of her 2 divorces, her trust issues, and the fact she doesn't/can't have anymore children. Those negative attributes just mean she isn't a great person for me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just to follow up....it's over with woman -2. I told her I can't continue us dating if she can't dedicate more time to me. She actually got a job very close to me, like less than a mile away and on her way home. She stopped by once in 2 weeks for all of about 3 minutes. She went to a memorial weekend party at her sisters (who I have met a couple times) right from work...wish she asked if I'd go with her but she didn't. The day before I was having a MDW party at my house on the lake and she stopped by but we were across the street at the lake. We hadn't seen each other in a week+ and she couldn't even walk down the hill 100 ft to see me/everyone. The next week, after still not seeing each other, on Tuesday I asked her if she had to work the upcoming weekend. We had plans to go whitewater kayaking that upcoming weekend but I figured we wouldn't because of her new job. She knew I had plans I was putting off to spend time with her. She said yes, I have to work Sat 1-9 and Sunday 9-5. I asked if she'd be able to hang out at all. She asked if she could stay over Sat night. Given she in the months we were dating rarely made time for me, even though she didn't even have a job (by choice), and since I was becoming increasingly frustrated with her not making any time for me, it made me feel like she was only spending time with me out of convenience. I don't think she was consciously doing it, but thats the way it sounded/made me feel. When I told her we weren't spending enough time together for me to continue us "dating", she started to get frazzled, and she was getting ready to leave. I told her to calm down, don't freak out...it's ok...I'm just telling you how I feel. I then told her how her comment about staying over Sat/Sun made me feel like she was only doing it out of convenience she took it as me calling her selfish. She said, it makes me just want to leave. I told her in a fairly kind tone, I don't want you to be uncomfortable...if you want to go, I'm not stopping you. I really did want to stop her and tell her she was being irrational/immature. But at this point, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not going to stop someone from leaving who can't make any time for me and who is going to run away when ever I tell them how I feel...which I'm pretty good about doing in a calm, "nice" way. Besides this girl being "busy" all the time, i.e. not making me a priority what so ever, I REALLY liked her....probably more than anyone I've ever met. Which sux. But at this point in my life, I need my next partner to put in as much effort (or relatively similar to) as I am. If not, I don't care how much I like her....it's going to be a problem and I'll eventually break things off....which is basically what happened here.

 

So, woman-1 is coming up for the day next week. We'll see how this one goes!!! Wish me luck.

 

I've also gone on a couple random first dates...which went fine but for various reasons, no potential for a LTR. But it was nice to just get back "out there" and I was given several compliments about being a "nice guy" or "genuine guy with a good heart" and even being called "hot". lol.

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Just to follow up....it's over with woman -2. I told her I can't continue us dating if she can't dedicate more time to me. She actually got a job very close to me, like less than a mile away and on her way home. She stopped by once in 2 weeks for all of about 3 minutes. She went to a memorial weekend party at her sisters (who I have met a couple times) right from work...wish she asked if I'd go with her but she didn't. The day before I was having a MDW party at my house on the lake and she stopped by but we were across the street at the lake. We hadn't seen each other in a week+ and she couldn't even walk down the hill 100 ft to see me/everyone. The next week, after still not seeing each other, on Tuesday I asked her if she had to work the upcoming weekend. We had plans to go whitewater kayaking that upcoming weekend but I figured we wouldn't because of her new job. She knew I had plans I was putting off to spend time with her. She said yes, I have to work Sat 1-9 and Sunday 9-5. I asked if she'd be able to hang out at all. She asked if she could stay over Sat night. Given she in the months we were dating rarely made time for me, even though she didn't even have a job (by choice), and since I was becoming increasingly frustrated with her not making any time for me, it made me feel like she was only spending time with me out of convenience. I don't think she was consciously doing it, but thats the way it sounded/made me feel. When I told her we weren't spending enough time together for me to continue us "dating", she started to get frazzled, and she was getting ready to leave. I told her to calm down, don't freak out...it's ok...I'm just telling you how I feel. I then told her how her comment about staying over Sat/Sun made me feel like she was only doing it out of convenience she took it as me calling her selfish. She said, it makes me just want to leave. I told her in a fairly kind tone, I don't want you to be uncomfortable...if you want to go, I'm not stopping you. I really did want to stop her and tell her she was being irrational/immature. But at this point, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not going to stop someone from leaving who can't make any time for me and who is going to run away when ever I tell them how I feel...which I'm pretty good about doing in a calm, "nice" way. Besides this girl being "busy" all the time, i.e. not making me a priority what so ever, I REALLY liked her....probably more than anyone I've ever met. Which sux. But at this point in my life, I need my next partner to put in as much effort (or relatively similar to) as I am. If not, I don't care how much I like her....it's going to be a problem and I'll eventually break things off....which is basically what happened here.

 

So, woman-1 is coming up for the day next week. We'll see how this one goes!!! Wish me luck.

 

I've also gone on a couple random first dates...which went fine but for various reasons, no potential for a LTR. But it was nice to just get back "out there" and I was given several compliments about being a "nice guy" or "genuine guy with a good heart" and even being called "hot". lol.[/quote

 

I feel great for putting my needs/feelings first for once....and I feel like a complete for putting my needs/feelings first for once....she's single mom after all and I probably have little understanding for the lack of time she actually has. It's probably all for not at this point rendering whatever I feel about the whole situation moot. But man...this sucks. I really like(d) her.

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Glad you called it off with woman #2- Big deal breaker there seeing as she can't have kids

 

I think it would be wise of you to listen to the other posters about woman #1. I can't fault you for maybe turning a blind eye though... when I first started dating after a 2.5 year relationship I didn't have a lot of experience and I met a guy who sounds a lot like this woman. He professed his love for me veryyyy early on. Said he wanted to marry me. Spent tons of time with me. Compliments and gifts. He really swept me off my feet. I loved being wanted! Then? He dumped me out of the blue. I was crushed. From then on out, I never dated a guy that came in so hot and heavy like that, I learned my lesson.

 

For a person who has NEVER met you, to be telling you she wants to marry you and have your babies...is CRAZY! People are so different in person, so is chemistry. You don't know her and she doesn't know you. Just think about it, would you say that to someone you've never met face to face? Would you really say that? I don't think so. This kind of talk and infatuation implies this woman is either not well, or simply doesn't use her head and just jumps into whatever suits her fancy. Either way, I highly doubt a long term relationship will come of this. If the flame burns too hot to begin with, it usually fizzles out even quicker. You'll see that once you start to date more. Also, do yourself a favor and look up "lovebombing"...this woman reeks of it.

 

Lastly, I know you feel your vetting the woman you're dating and making more sound choices but in reality: You dated one woman who was totally incompatible with you in terms of long term goals (kids) and you're dating another woman who is off her rocker. Please understand I am in NO place to judge, I made a lot of mistakes dating wise. And honestly I made them because I was in a rush to find someone! I was lonely! So I totally empathize with your position.

 

All I can say is, keep dating. Keep looking but enjoy your life at the lake in the meantime! Great relationships are so wonderful to be in and I can't blame you one bit for wanting that companionship. But instead of leading with your heart while you date, think with your head. What is going on with woman #1 is not healthy.

 

I wish you the best of luck, you sound like a good person. Keep your chin up, date and use your head! :stung:

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Glad you called it off with woman #2- Big deal breaker there seeing as she can't have kids

 

I think it would be wise of you to listen to the other posters about woman #1. I can't fault you for maybe turning a blind eye though... when I first started dating after a 2.5 year relationship I didn't have a lot of experience and I met a guy who sounds a lot like this woman. He professed his love for me veryyyy early on. Said he wanted to marry me. Spent tons of time with me. Compliments and gifts. He really swept me off my feet. I loved being wanted! Then? He dumped me out of the blue. I was crushed. From then on out, I never dated a guy that came in so hot and heavy like that, I learned my lesson.

 

For a person who has NEVER met you, to be telling you she wants to marry you and have your babies...is CRAZY! People are so different in person, so is chemistry. You don't know her and she doesn't know you. Just think about it, would you say that to someone you've never met face to face? Would you really say that? I don't think so. This kind of talk and infatuation implies this woman is either not well, or simply doesn't use her head and just jumps into whatever suits her fancy. Either way, I highly doubt a long term relationship will come of this. If the flame burns too hot to begin with, it usually fizzles out even quicker. You'll see that once you start to date more. Also, do yourself a favor and look up "lovebombing"...this woman reeks of it.

 

Lastly, I know you feel your vetting the woman you're dating and making more sound choices but in reality: You dated one woman who was totally incompatible with you in terms of long term goals (kids) and you're dating another woman who is off her rocker. Please understand I am in NO place to judge, I made a lot of mistakes dating wise. And honestly I made them because I was in a rush to find someone! I was lonely! So I totally empathize with your position.

 

All I can say is, keep dating. Keep looking but enjoy your life at the lake in the meantime! Great relationships are so wonderful to be in and I can't blame you one bit for wanting that companionship. But instead of leading with your heart while you date, think with your head. What is going on with woman #1 is not healthy.

 

I wish you the best of luck, you sound like a good person. Keep your chin up, date and use your head! :stung:

 

Thank you DissyLu. "You sound like a good person". I LOVE hearing this compliment. It really means a lot to me.

 

Yea I read about love bombing. That's definitely part of the appeal...as well as we both want the same things (kids, life, etc). I told her it was crazy for her to say/want those things with me w/o even meeting. She acknowledges it does sound crazy. But based upon the months of video chatting and conversations, it's worth a shot in my mind. Believe me, I'm cautiously optimistic. And I'll be looking to see if her actions sustain for however long we date. My eyes are wide open. I'm TRYING to not be in a rush despite her advances. And I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I'm a man...I can take heartache. What I can't take is regret...the regret of not even trying. I put as much effort as I can into everything I do...especially relationships bc I want one....a good one! But I think I've learned a thing or 2 that will help me make better choices and know what to look out for.

 

WOman 2-I've thought long and hard about wanting kids. I think that if I find someone who I'm TRULY meant to be with, I can definitely be happy without having kids. I've talked to her a bit via text and shes upset with me because I hurt her feelings...when I was only trying to tell her my own...which I'm not the best at...OK I'm not good at it at all. But I did my best. It's really important to me for the person I love to be able to listen and understand that I am not a cyborg and I have feelings too without flipping out and getting upset/taking it personally when I express them. If the person I loved said in their best attempt to not be rude that I was making them feel like , I wouldn't get offended/take it personally...because I love them and their feelings are important to me. I want them to be happy!!!! For once in my life, my feelings matter and who ever I'm with is going to have to understand that. Ugh...this totally sucks and I miss her terribly. Again, I feel great for finally standing up for what I need, but I feel like bc it made her leave.,,,she didn't understand what I meant. Of course, when I finally can state what I need, it's with the person that I loved most and they can't handle it. fuuuuuuuuck!

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Good you are going to meet. Have a fun weekend. Since she's married and in the throes of divorce, make sure you don't get sucked into being her therapist/shoulder to cry on, etc. Enjoy dating! Now's the time not to put all your eggs in one basket and enjoy some freedom and sampling what's out there for you until you find a good fit and want to pursue that.

woman-1 is coming up for the day next week. We'll see how this one goes!!!
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