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is she letting me down easy or just need time?


cruzer

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were 28, been together 5 months. she spends at least half the month at my house. everything has been almost perfect.

 

i have a son from a previous partner whom she and i split when he was about a year old. so he has no memories of us being together. he doesnt even understand when he brought up something and i tried to explain to him.

 

my mom and dad did the same. my mom held on to some pictures of us as a family and when i turned 18 she gave them to me. so i thought i would hold onto all the pictures i had of us as a family and do the same for him. if he chose to not look, or delete them, that would be his choice and i would be fine with it.

 

i showed the pictures my mom had held for me and explained it to my girlfriend. she was curious what my mom looked like. and while or after viewing them i told her i had pictures saved for my son one day, to do the same.

ive always let my girlfriend use my computer or phone and repeatedly told her help herself, its all there, do anything she pleases. while i was out she found the folder titled "pics for (sons name) when hes older". she threw a fit texting me saying i still have feelings for my ex and to never talk to her again. when i got back she wasnt there. she left the key i had given her. she left a note saying "Give me one reason to believe you"

 

that was sunday night. she never text me back monday or tuesday. i just text asking if i could come see her. she hasnt read it yet. but im not expecting a reply.

 

tuesday i text saying how i didnt know what to do. am i supposed to leave her alone because she needs time, or if i leave her alone is she going to think i dont care, or that i dont want her/us. she didnt reply

 

so what do i do? i dont want to push or annoy her but at the same time i dont want her to feel like i dont care or dont want her. she has been crazy about me since day 1. we were fixing to reserve a hotel for our vacation together. this is so out of the blue. my ex lives 2 hours away, 125+ miles, a different state. if i wanted her i would move closer to my son, and to her. but instead im here, giving my girlfriend my time and attention. i cant help but feel its a way out but i cant understand why when she has been crazy about me. things have been almost perfect. we were planning our vacation. she told her roommates she almost didnt renew the lease with them because things have been so great with me

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She's being ridiculous, immature, and letting you go so easily over nonsense means that no, she doesn't really love you. Leave her with her childish tantrum and change the locks. Whatever you assumed she felt from the beginning is no more. The present is what you need to pay attention to.

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She's being ridiculous, immature, and letting you go so easily over nonsense means that no, she doesn't really love you. Leave her with her childish tantrum and change the locks. Whatever you assumed she felt from the beginning is no more. The present is what you need to pay attention to.

 

you may be right, but its crazy because that sounds nothing like her. i had given up on dating but i wanted to try with her because she seemed the complete opposite of most women ive encountered. she spent 9 years with her ex. she has always said she doesnt give up easy. but this just seems like her giving up too easy? just doesnt make sense :(

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Pretty much what Hippy Andrina (peace and mungbeans) said. If she goes off the rails over a folder of photos from the past, and one that is labelled in the right way, then there is something not quite right there. Sure, she might have seen them, and brought it up in conversation, which you could explain away. But she explodes, throwing accusations, and a tantrum without bothering to talk to you about it, then that is just crazy. You don't want to be with someone this irrational.

 

Bullet dodged. Move on.

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So instead of doing the adult thing and asking you what that folder was, she picked a drama to unpack her crazy on.

 

I'd leave her alone. You're right at the point where bad foundation relationships fail and this failed spectacularly. She's not mature enough to conduct a relationship.

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you guys are right. i just wish i understood why the sudden flip of a switch? literally a couple hours before we were trying to pick the hotel for reservation. if this was a planned thing why would she be at my house?

 

if it wasnt planned how could she really believe i want someone so far away? or what else could be why?

 

the worst part of a breakup for me, and the reason i had given up dating was all these unanswered questions. i never understand or see the logical reasoning of why they leave. they just suddenly leave with no good explanation

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you guys are right. i just wish i understood why the sudden flip of a switch?

 

She was never who she really is until this happened and now you see how the real her is.

 

If she came in with this level of crazy on display from the get-go, would you have wasted your time with her?

 

She set her hair on fire over nothing and instead of first trusting you enough to be truthful with her, she instead invested in "OMG!!!!! You're cheating!!!!! You're a liar!!!"

 

Sit with that and think on it for a bit.

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OP, it may seem sudden, but the crazy was there all along. When you first meet and start dating, people keep their psycho under lock and key, hide it, contain it, but they can only contain it so long. Sooner or later, the psycho breaks out and runs you over. So that's what you are facing now.

 

If this is a constant experience for you, then you need to examine more closely what kind of women you are getting involved with. For example, if you always fall for fast moving, quick to proclaim/show love type people - you are falling for people who are perhaps emotionally unstable or otherwise have issues. True love takes a long time to develop - it's a deeper bond than just the initial lust we all feel. It's ye olde what burns hot, burns out fast.

 

Maybe try dating women who are a little bit more reserved early on. It might not be as exciting, but it might net you a much more stable, lasting relationship.

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This is her problem not yours. She sounds very immature, how old is she? It sounds like she's crazy or has major baggage. Don't contact her, if she comes to you, don't defend yourself about anything. After all you were (over) trusting and gave her access to poke through your devices.

she spent 9 years with her ex.
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