Forcibly moving on?

Hi,

I posted a little while ago in the 'getting back together' section about my situation.

Long story short(ish):

Nearly 5 years, she's unhappy, "loves me but not in love", not attracted. Not a terrible break up, but hit me hard nonetheless.

We were living together in a flat we bought, which needed doing up before a sale, so she would come over on the weekends.

Second weekend in, we technically become FWB. She instigates, I don't stop her. (I know, I know...)

5th week in, she pulls away. FWB ends.

I accept, and have always accepted and respected her decisions. I know if I pull, I'm actually pushing.

We're still cool. She flirts or is friendly, I try not to mix up the two. We went out to breakfast together, watched a few shows together when she didn't need to be there.

She fast forwards the sale of the flat. Valuations, agents etc. To which I agree. I'm not in a position to hold things up (see point above) and we were pretty much finished doing stuff anyway.

Now... The other day I moved all of her stuff away, hidden if you will, and there's no real trace of her being here. I know she'll be in the flat soon when I'm not there. How do you think she will feel?

A friend mentioned it could look like a revenge/spite tactic, or it could hurt her - which I don't want to do.

To add to the story, I've (annoyingly) listened to some friends advice and tried to force moving on, which has actually made me feel worse. I'm far more comfortable and doing better with the slow burn. Putting her stuff away kinda feels like a forced move...

Any thoughts are much appreciated.

Further info available upon request.

R

PS. wasn't really sure which forum to post this in, sorry apologies in advance Admins.

PPS. I do tend to over think things, hence me reaching out for other opinions to mull over.

The standard advice is to always block your ex and move on. I'm a little unclear. Did you sell the flat or not? Are you sharing it? Are you going to hide your things when she's in the apartment?

She moved back to her parents as we thought it'd be best. We haven't sold yet. She's popping in to get pictures of the place.

I'm a firm believer in moving on. I imagine if I were with a guy who "loved, but was not in love" with me, I would gladly move on. Simply because I think i deserve it all. I want to be with someone who loves me wholly and completely. Why dont you think you deserve that? Why are you dragging this out? Just cut it off nice and clean! That's my advice.

Guys, I get it. I've read through this site enough to know the spiel. Most of us do. Yet, doing and knowing are distant ideals with fresh break mindsets, most of the time.

I'm not saying I won't move on. Call it dragging it out if you will, but ultimately I've got a couple months of contact with my ex and I'd like them to be as easy as possible, for her and me.

I originally wanted some perspective from her view, as I only asked one question.

I was once in her shoes.

I had been with my ex for 5 years, and I knew it wasn't going to work out. We'd lived together for about 3 years. I cared about him, but had to end it. We didn't own the place, but decided to break our lease so we could both move out and move on. I stayed with my parents in the interim, but went to the apartment a few times when he wasn't there to pack up my belongings.

I'd finished a lot of that when one day I went to get the rest, and found he'd put it all in boxes and left them in a large storage space at the back of the apartment. Honestly? I didn't really think much of it. I assumed he didn't want to be looking at my things, and that was it. I moved my boxes out and didn't mention it, because I really didn't care. Your ex? Hard to say. Her ego might take a hit but if she ended it, she was already quite emotionally detached so it isn't likely to bother her too much in the end.

Thank you SweetGirl28 and MissCanuck, I recognise you from these parts and I appreciate your considered responses.

Here's to the future, eh?

The dark, bitter, abyss that we all swirl towards...

I'm kidding on the last part.

Thanks again.

R