Texting, But No Second Date

I have been texting with a man I met online for a few weeks now. It took us nearly 2 weeks to meet up for a first date since I was traveling and he has kids. We live only a few freeway exits from each other, but both have fairly busy schedules.

We have texted daily. Before we went on our first date he said that unless I hated him we should get together again later that weekend. I'm not quite sure how the first date went. I wasn't quite myself as I was more nervous than usual and honestly I probably could have made a better impression. We went to a bar, it was fairly late, and I'm small. I was enjoying being with him so in order to continue the date I probably had a little more to drink than I should have. It was a 3 hour date with a lot of kissing. I realized it was getting too friendly and too late so I said it was my bedtime and took a taxi home. He asked if I wanted to go to his place, but I declined. He offered to drive me home, but I said I would just grab a car. He said the next time we would have a real dinner.

The next day he texted. Teased me about the third cocktail. Asked about my plans, but didn't make any with me. He said he would rather be "netflix and chilling" than doing what he had planned. The following day we texted briefly and he said he wished he had just stayed in the night before. That he hadn't been with the right company. Today he texted and said it was a busy day, but that he just wanted to say hi to me.

I have plans most of this week and he has a lot of plans with his kids. I will also be traveling next week/weekend. I would love to go on a second date with him. If we don't put it on the calendar soon it won't happen, but I don't want to be too pushy if he isn't interested.

Well, I would be leery about a guy who you barely met wanting to get you up to his apartment alone on a cheap date. I think he's looking for nookie. And already it sounds like he's losing interest because you're not a pushover. If he doesn't ask you out on another real date, move on.

He clearly wanted sex, and unless that's what you're all about too, I wouldn't be giving him anymore attention.

He clearly wanted sex, and unless that's what you're all about too, I wouldn't be giving him anymore attention.

He definitely wanted sex. I wanted sex. There was a lot of chemistry and things got a little physical at the bar. I really can't blame it all on him as I was at least an equal participant and might have even touched his hand first. It never went past kissing and a bit of cuddling and then I said I should call it a night. I ended the evening mostly because I wanted to jump his bones and I knew that was a bad idea. I don't actually think his original intention was to make it all about sex even his follow up texts have involved him sending me pictures of his kids.

He wanted you to come to his and he says he'd rather Netflix and chill. Showing u pics of his kids doesn't exactly mean much. He's a complete stranger. A guy interested would want to get to know you without mentioning coming back to his so much.

Sounds like he was out for sex and since you didn't go along with it he's not too keen on a second date.

And agree with Honeycomb, he is again trying to set up a date that would be best for a hook up,... Netflix? Sigh...if you want an actual romance and not just a cheap hook up, you're going to have to look elsewhere.

I imagine this is just the type of man he is.

You wanted sex? You two are virtually strangers. You don't know if it will be a one nighter and then a dump or what. Give it time.

If you do go on another date, make sure it's an actual date that doesn't involve going to one another's place, at all. And skip the alcohol. Take the time to actually have some kind of romance.

But truth be told, it doesn't sound like he wants to make those kind of efforts for you.

I have been texting with a man I met online for a few weeks now. It took us nearly 2 weeks to meet up for a first date since I was traveling and he has kids. We live only a few freeway exits from each other, but both have fairly busy schedules.

 

We have texted daily. Before we went on our first date he said that unless I hated him we should get together again later that weekend. I'm not quite sure how the first date went. I wasn't quite myself as I was more nervous than usual and honestly I probably could have made a better impression. We went to a bar, it was fairly late, and I'm small. I was enjoying being with him so in order to continue the date I probably had a little more to drink than I should have. It was a 3 hour date with a lot of kissing. I realized it was getting too friendly and too late so I said it was my bedtime and took a taxi home. He asked if I wanted to go to his place, but I declined. He offered to drive me home, but I said I would just grab a car. He said the next time we would have a real dinner.

 

The next day he texted. Teased me about the third cocktail. Asked about my plans, but didn't make any with me. He said he would rather be "netflix and chilling" than doing what he had planned. The following day we texted briefly and he said he wished he had just stayed in the night before. That he hadn't been with the right company. Today he texted and said it was a busy day, but that he just wanted to say hi to me.

 

I have plans most of this week and he has a lot of plans with his kids. I will also be traveling next week/weekend. I would love to go on a second date with him. If we don't put it on the calendar soon it won't happen, but I don't want to be too pushy if he isn't interested.

I will apologize in advance as I have no input but i am curious what kind of job you have that has you traveling every weekend?

Unfortunately he's only interested in hookups, unless that's what you're also looking for why bother texting?

He asked if I wanted to go to his place, but I declined.

He said he would rather be "netflix and chilling" than doing what he had planned.

There seems to be something strange with online guys where they text and text and text and sometimes never ask you out. Honestly I find that to be a turn off because after a while I can’t keep up a texting conversation with someone that I don’t even know. I suggest that you ask him out on a real date where you’re going to be outside of the house-maybe go on a hike or something-and then see how he reacts.

Eh, I have to agree with the others who say he's looking for a hookup.

His preference to "Netflix and chill" was a not-so-subtle invite to you to do just that. I suppose you could see if he invites on you on a proper dinner date, as he mentioned, but I am not sure I'd hold my breath for this one.

There seems to be something strange with online guys where they text and text and text and sometimes never ask you out. Honestly I find that to be a turn off because after a while I can’t keep up a texting conversation with someone that I don’t even know. I suggest that you ask him out on a real date where you’re going to be outside of the house-maybe go on a hike or something-and then see how he reacts.

I don't think it's just on line guys and she met him in person. I think people who text in that situation are simply not interested enough to put in the time and effort to make a time/place plan for a date. To an extent I find that with new friendships too - lots of enthusiastic talk about getting together but down to the nitty gritty there's no follow through or reliability. For many people, me included, it takes great effort to make a plan that works and stick to it (not out of lack of wanting to do it but because of busy schedules). A number of times now a mom has posted in my mom's group about being lonely and wanting friends to meet in person, etc. And I can see that the person doesn't follow through when plans are offered -including with me (so it's not about me).

I would stop texting with a man who, after a first date, is not stepping up to the plate reasonably soon to make a time/place plan -even in advance- for another date. "I really enjoy texting with you but I'm so busy these days -if you would like to meet up again, let me know"

I have been texting with a man I met online for a few weeks now. It took us nearly 2 weeks to meet up for a first date since I was traveling and he has kids. We live only a few freeway exits from each other, but both have fairly busy schedules.

 

We have texted daily. Before we went on our first date he said that unless I hated him we should get together again later that weekend. I'm not quite sure how the first date went. I wasn't quite myself as I was more nervous than usual and honestly I probably could have made a better impression. We went to a bar, it was fairly late, and I'm small. I was enjoying being with him so in order to continue the date I probably had a little more to drink than I should have. It was a 3 hour date with a lot of kissing. I realized it was getting too friendly and too late so I said it was my bedtime and took a taxi home. He asked if I wanted to go to his place, but I declined. He offered to drive me home, but I said I would just grab a car. He said the next time we would have a real dinner.

 

The next day he texted. Teased me about the third cocktail. Asked about my plans, but didn't make any with me. He said he would rather be "netflix and chilling" than doing what he had planned. The following day we texted briefly and he said he wished he had just stayed in the night before. That he hadn't been with the right company. Today he texted and said it was a busy day, but that he just wanted to say hi to me.

 

I have plans most of this week and he has a lot of plans with his kids. I will also be traveling next week/weekend. I would love to go on a second date with him. If we don't put it on the calendar soon it won't happen, but I don't want to be too pushy if he isn't interested.

I bolded 3 times in your first post that he mentioned sex. No, he didn't use the word "sex", but trust me, that's all he wanted.

It's good that you wanted it too, as it would be consensual. If you want sex with someone who will only see you when he's horny, then go for it. But a relationship to build? Don't count on it with this guy.

I bolded 3 times in your first post that he mentioned sex. No, he didn't use the word "sex", but trust me, that's all he wanted.

 

It's good that you wanted it too, as it would be consensual. If you want sex with someone who will only see you when he's horny, then go for it. But a relationship to build? Don't count on it with this guy.

He didn't use the word netflix, but instead used a TV show we both watch before bed. It doesn't matter though we all know the meaning.

The date was later in the evening because he had to go to one of his kid's events first. I was tired and nervous and thirsty. We kept extending the date because we were having a nice time, but the drinks weren't hitting him the same way since he is more than a foot taller and double my weight.

I would love a do-over date without alcohol. I don't usually drink or if I do it's very little. He said when I was leaving that our next date would be real dinner. A couple of his texts have implied that he plans to ask me out again, but he hasn't done it yet. I'm impatient. He also doesn't realize how busy I am. I have some conferences that I'm speaking at in the next few weeks.

I would say no to a netflix and chill date. I told him I wasn't that type of girl when he invited me back to his place to "watch TV" after the date. After that he got me in the cab and said that the next date would be a real dinner.

He texted after the date. The next morning, afternoon, evening. The following day I texted and he was a bit cryptic but kind of said that his previous night wasn't fun because he had been out with the wrong company and he planned to fix that in the future. Then yesterday he texted to say he was busy at work, but still wanted to say hi to me.

I'm in my 30s and he's in his 40s. We're both successful and attractive. We're extremely local to each other. I want a relationship and I think that he wants one too. Maybe having 3 drinks over 3 hours at a bar took me out of the running. Is there any way to get a second date so that I can salvage this?

Agree he wants sex. He's attracted to you, then this is pretty standard, in my experience.

The question is, is that *all* he wants? Literally impossible to say at this point.

You gave him a taste of what sex might be like, so of course sex is what's on his brain!

He is pushing boundaries for sure, as many men will do, it's up to YOU to maintain *your* boundaries if you'd prefer to wait.

You want to wait? Then suggest you do something fun outside the house, limit the alcohol, he may continue to push (don't fault him for this he's attracted to you!), and tell him you'd prefer to get to know him better first..

Just don't be a *tease* cause that isn't fair.

On the other hand, if YOU are attracted and want sex, then heck, have sex!

If he's into you, he is NOT gonna lose interest just cause you had early sex, unless the sex sucked or you become overly needy, insecure and pushy afterwards.

Don't fault him just cause he wants it, again when a man is attracted, sex is his first order of business. Even when a man takes you on "proper" dates and all that, trust me he still thinking about having sex with you!

Just maintain your own boundaries if you want to wait. Your body, your call.

If he drops you because you want to wait a little while (a few more dates?), then he was never all that into you in the first place.

Did he put something in your drink? He seemed quite eager to have you sleep over/drive you to your place on the first meet which was of course late night and involved drinks..

the drinks weren't hitting him the same

If he had put something in her drink, she'd know it!

She wouldn't be able to remember a damn thing let alone get herself home.

Speaking from experience.

Did he put something in your drink? He seemed quite eager to have you sleep over/drive you to your place on the first meet which was of course late night and involved drinks..

I don't think so, but of course I could never rule it out. He went to the bar to get our drinks. I stayed seated. I am very small and he is very large. I took a taxi there because the place we went is only an exit from my house and parking is $25, but also because of my size I know I really shouldn't drive after more than one drink. He waited with me for my taxi back and said he was going to pay and maybe grab one more drink before heading out. He said he would likely leave his car too, but it seemed like he was probably going to drive as I know he had an early morning with his kid and he seemed just fine. He is literally twice my size. I mean his feet are actually twice as big as mine. His weight is double my weight.

It was a 3+ hour date and even with drinking water between drinks and trying to pace myself, there just wasn't really food so I was less composed than I would have liked. I wasn't slurring or anything, but I was probably a bit ditzy. We were talking politics and religion. I don't think I was offensive and we were on the same page. I didn't pry, but we touched on the subjects. Then I realized the drink was getting to me and I called it a night.

Ugh, I had that happen when I was young at a house party. I knew I wasn't drinking alcohol. Thank the lord my good guy friend was with me because I told him I didn't feel right, sleepy, dizzy, foggy. We left I blacked out in his car. He panicked and took me to his house which was about 10 minutes away instead of the hospital because he had been drinking. Not drunk but anyways I have never once since accepted a drink from anyone that I didn't see poured, and this was many years ago, but it made a lasting impression.

I'm sorry that happened SG, and as I said when your drink has been spiked you know it.

My experience was a bit more egregious, and has probably affected me a lot more than I was ever willing to admit (even to myself) and accept.

What do you want out of this situation? It sounds like he wants hookups, not dates with activities or food etc.

It was a 3+ hour date and even with drinking water between drinks and trying to pace myself, there just wasn't really food

What do you want out of this situation? It sounds like he wants hookups, not dates with activities or food etc.

I want to date. He has also said that he's looking for a partner. We talked about whether he would be open to more kids and things like that.

To be fair, he did ask for a menu and said I could order whatever I wanted. It was pretty late by then and it was just late night small bites by then so it really wasn't anything of substance. I don't actually think he was trying to be skeezy. That might be where things went, but I don't think that was the intention. I'm sure he easily spent a good $100-150 on the evening since it was an expensive bar and I was ordering nice cocktails that I could sip. We didn't kiss until we were well into the date. It's just that there was a lot of chemistry.

I'm sure that I will hear from him today. I hear from him every day. What I want to know is how to secure a second date on the books. When he texts today can I ask about his Friday plans? Or ask if his daughter will have him all weekend?

Why not plan a date that doesn't include drinking, late nights, etc and see how he responds. Why only Fri nights? It sounds like you want to hook up and that's why you want to plan another late night Fri hopefully into Sat date, no? Do not fish or hint with questions about his daughter, etc.

 

What I want to know is how to secure a second date on the books. When he texts today can I ask about his Friday plans? Or ask if his daughter will have him all weekend?

If it were me I would wait until he suggests getting together again, even if it's just Netflix and Chill.

Then tell him I would love to see him again but suggest doing something outside the house.

I would not mention anything about not being ready for sex or anything to do with sex, your actions will speak for themselves.

Limit your alcohol intake and if it seems he pushing you to drink more, that's a red flag and would turn me off.

At that point, I would politely excuse myself and get a taxi home.

Next!

I agree with this. Plus it's sloppy to drink so much on a first date. My ex cut me off from shots lmaooooo , but I was fine with it since I'm such a lightweight it's just better I didn't do them anyway. Any man that sees you're getting tipsy and watches you drink more isn't someone who cares that much for you nor your safety. Unless he couldn't tell you were bombed.

Honestly, he wasn't pushing me to drink. It was my poor judgement and I'm old enough to know better and embarrassed. I was enjoying being with him so I ordered a third drink. He teased that it would be putting me over my drink limit. I certainly wasn't doing shots. I was sipping one drink an hour with water in-between.

The reason I'm only free Friday night is because I work and I volunteer after work and have meetings every night during the week. His daughter has an out of area sporting event this weekend. He's going to drive to her event each day, but isn't staying overnight at her event (it's an hour and a half away). I don't have sex outside of monogamous relationships. So I do want to have sex with him, but I don't plan on having sex with him right away.

Honestly, he wasn't pushing me to drink. It was my poor judgement and I'm old enough to know better and embarrassed. I was enjoying being with him so I ordered a third drink. He teased that it would be putting me over my drink limit. I certainly wasn't doing shots. I was sipping one drink an hour with water in-between.

 

There is no need to get defensive, no one said or even suggested he pushed you to drink more, not from what I've read.

It's good you're taking responsibility for your own behavior; next time no matter how great a time you're having, if you know you get drunk easily then limit your alcohol, that's all.

And if you are ever out with a man (whether it's him or another man) who does push you to drink more, then excuse yourself and leave. Nothing good or positive ever comes from that.

I just told you what I would do - wait for him to suggest getting together, and if it's Netflix and chill (i.e. sex) and you don't want that, maintain your boundaries and suggest something outside the house.

But you have to do you, if you're comfortable with proposing a second date outside the house, then do so!