ex left me for someone else?

My ex left me for another girl. We had a conversation and he apologized and said he didn’t think she was better than me and they probably wouldnt last long. I forgave him and wished him the best. Then i went no contact. He messaged me the day after saying someone reminds him a lot of me. Then a month later he just sent me a link to something he thought i’d find interesting. I didn’t respond to either of these. Then on his birthday he messaged me at around 11 at night. I hadn’t wished him a happy birthday or anything. He sends me this message “ I'm really sorry to message you if I you probably hate me or have my number blocked idk but I just wanted to tell you I'm extremely sorry for the way things ended and I appreciate your place in my life and I really want you to know that I haven't just forgot about also I want to know youre alive” I didn’t respond but i would love insight into what he’s thinking. I already forgave him so apologizing again seems repetitive. Any input would be greatly appreciated!

He feels guilty, and he doesn't want to lose you as Plan B in case his new relationship doesn't work out.

He's not in love with you, though. Please tell him to stop contacting you, and then block him. You need to move on so you don't hold on to false hope.

Won’t he stop messaging if he just feels guilty? Given i already forgave him what’s the point in apologizing over and over?

I agree with MissCanuck. People pull these guilt trips in a stupid attempt to get your to answer back. Keep ignoring him. He has a guilty conscience. He'll go away eventually.

This is three months after i forgave him. How long could this go on?

Good for you for maintaining no contact as well as you have. Any contact from you will extend the time he reaches out to you. Until and unless your contact is kind and accepting... then he might go dark for a while until he needs redemption again.

He is self absorbed. His apologies to you are cries for validation. He wants to know you APPROVE of him... a whole lot different than forgiveness.

Don't give in. Stay on your own path. The only person who can approve of him is himself. You can't give him what he needs, and that is why he downgraded to a lower quality gf. They are a better match.

Thank you no contact has been easier than i thought actually! Mainly because of how much he hurt me. But i do know him to be very insecure so the validation idea makes a lot of sense. Thanks for your input!

Thank you no contact has been easier than i thought actually! Mainly because of how much he hurt me. But i do know him to be very insecure so the validation idea makes a lot of sense. Thanks for your input!

I know what you mean. When youve been treated badly, no contact does wonders for your soul. And did you say insecure man? My gosh, I'm sure he did everything in his power to tear you down. Just hang in there. Do you really think anything will be different if you give in and break NC? I can assure you, he will only change temporarily. Then the same bad behaviors will resume. And you have to start NC all over again.

Stay in no contact so you can break the "ties that bind" you to him. Time and distance will also allow you to see him for who he really is, and allow you to heal. Please hang in there because it gets better. Its a process.

He definitely did try to tear me down a few times. Although i do care for him a lot. We went through a lot together. He is extremely immature and i wouldn’t consider taking back into my life unless i knew he changed for good. Which is unlikely. I’m not planning on breaking no contact, i honestly just wish i knew what he was thinking. Partly just from curiosity. And because i can’t seem to figure out a concrete answer. Thank you for your response, i’ll continue with no contact and bettering myself and one day i know it’ll be worth it!

These sort of guys don't change. And he cheated on you. I suggest blocking him from everything and moving forward

He's texting you to get attention and validation. He wants to know you're still pining. He doesn't deserve anything, but your complete and utter silence.

This is three months after i forgave him. How long could this go on?

Until you give him confirmation that you will be his backup plan if his new girlfriend breaks up with him.

My guess is that it's not going well and he's sniffing around you to see if you'll take the bait.

I'm impressed. It really sounds like you handled a difficult situation very gracefully! Likely, he is sniffing around wanting validation via you being upset or jealous about his new partner. The fact that you've maintained NC communicates that you have good self-esteem and are above all the bull he is trying to spin. Keep to NC and you'll be just fine. Sounds like who you got rid of is hardly a loss.

He is still the same insecure jerk you've always known looking to you to boost his ego. He wants validation, he wants to know that you are still pining for him, he wants to know that you are willing to be his back up girl. If he cheated with her on you, he may well be looking to cheat with you on her. Effectively have two women competing for his attention - ultimate ego boost for a pathetic loser. Stay away and stay NC no matter what bs he sends you. You might actually want to go ahead and block him, because really, do you need this bs from him?

This is three months after i forgave him. How long could this go on?

It will go on as long as you continue to allow him to throw you a crumb every now and then. In addition to that he feels he has you as a spare, sitting on a shelf while he shops around.

You're apparently accepting the role of sloppy seconds, and he's running with it. Respect yourself, and refuse to sink to his level. You can do this...

Thank you! Honestly i’m impressed with myself how i handled it given how hurt i was. I forgave him and wished him the best and immediately went no contact. Just don’t know how i could’ve been any clearer that i’m not waiting around for him than that.

Do you think that’s the case for the last message only? What about the messages a day after, and a month after. I wouldn’t think he would message the day after i wished him well because things weren’t going well with his new girl. Otherwise he wouldn’t still be with her three months later!

I forgave him and wished him the best. Then i went no contact. He messaged me the day after saying someone reminds him a lot of me.

How was he able to message you after you chose to go NC?

I didn’t block him or anything. I just stopped reaching out/responding to him.

Look at it this way - If you broke someone's heart and left them for someone else, wouldn't you want to just leave them alone so they can heal and move forward?

After all the `forgive you's' and him still reaching out is purely selfish.

He has to know it's much like picking a scab that is starting to heal.

He does it for selfish reasons, whether he's assuaging his own guilt and trying to keep a door open to have you as a back plan. . .it's just not ok.

Plus he made the breakup the most difficult as far as giving me my stuff back (he never did i had to take multiple trips myself) he would curse me out then apologize saying he was hurt because he thought i would disappear forever. He said he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to be with someone else or just be alone. Frankly i have no clue what was going through his head then or now. We were together for three years. I miss him but seeing how he’s acted through the breakup i don’t know how i was with him that long!

Sorry to hear this. Agree that it's about guilt and of course, keeping you in the loop as a backup. He'll stop when you block him. What do you owe him?

This is three months after i forgave him. How long could this go on?

I don’t owe him anything. I honestly just don’t think i can block him at this point because i would be wondering if he messaged and what he said. i obsess less when i can clearly see what he’s doing instead of constantly wondering if he’s tried to reach out or not. I know i shouldn’t be thinking about it at all but hey i’m trying my best. This has been really hard he was my best friend :/

Did you know there are studies out there that show repeated exposure to people in your life like him, lights up certain areas of your brain? These are the very areas of the brain that also light up with alcohol, drug and nicotine addictions.

As long as you keep this door open, obsess and allow him to contact you, the longer it will take you to move forward.

I’ll jusf constantly wonder if he tried to reach out again if i block him. Pathetic i know....

I’l

l jusf constantly wonder if he tried to reach out again if i block him. Pathetic i know....

Then consider yourself still attached. Meanwhile he's in another relationship.

Is your goal to move on? or stay attached?