Having trouble with my elevator pitch, and explaining 5 months out of work.

Warning: long post, but I would be grateful to anyone who manages to read it all. Key themes: pushy recruitment agencies, ageing parents, work life balance, long commute times, hoarders, bad bosses, and managing perceptions.

I'm a 41 year old woman, (in Australia) currently looking for work, after taking a five month break, since quitting my job of the past ten years, and while I am happy with my choice to do this, it doesn't look great on paper. It is a long story, and I'm having trouble finding the right way to frame it to potential employers (as well as people in general). In particular, I'm trying to think of what to say at an interview I have next week with an employment agency.

Here's the long story. If anyone has time to read it, then I would welcome any advice on how to frame it and explain it in a more concise way and which also doesn't overshare personal details or take 15 minutes to explain.

* As mentioned above, my reasons for taking time out are complicated, but I'm likely to be asked a lot of questions next week when I meet with an employment agency. The guy who I will be interviewed by is very pushy and asks a lot of questions. He is fresh out of uni, and I think he might not realise how much power he has (as the gatekeeper to a lot of jobs). He will suggest jobs that are too far away for me, but I will find myself saying "yes, I'm interested" just so I don't sound like I have a bad attitude, but really I don't want them. I want to be more picky.

* My main reason for quitting my job was so I could relocate to the same city as my mum, after she was diagnosed with stage three melanoma (cancer that had spread under the skin, and showed a high risk of spreading to vital organs in future).

* I also wanted to relocate back to my hometown because it's an awesome city.

* Fun fact about Australian cities: they all have terrible urban sprawl, and this contributes to long travel times. (this will become relevant as you read on).

*Due to getting a good payout (about a year's wage) when I took a redundancy with my last employer I have been able to afford this time out.

*My mum lives alone, and has no other closer family to help her if she becomes very ill.

*I'm staying with her in the outer suburbs, and once I get a job, I will be required to move out in order to live closer to work, because most jobs are very far from where she lives (most jobs are on the fringe, but mostly the western fringe, and she's on the eastern fringe where there are few jobs).

* Whereas most people in my field (urban planning) would accept the need to relocate to regional cities or outer suburbs where the jobs are, my need to be close to my mum (at least a 40 minute drive) limits which jobs I'm able to consider. But it looks bad when I say (e.g. to an employment agency) that I won't consider certain locations. It makes me seem less committed.

* If I mention to potential employers that my mum's health is a consideration for me not wanting to go too far west, they might think I have a carer role, and this could work against me.

*My mum is a hoarder. This puts her at risk of becoming overwhelmed if she gets sick. (I've seen it before with my dad). She is up for making changes, but it is a sensitive issue that needs to be done gently and over time. (I can't just blitz her house in a couple of weeks. Doing a little bit each week is how it needs to be approached). So spending a long time here with her, where I have time to help her once a week is very valuable.

* After watching my father (who also lived alone) become overwhelmed by health issues and inability to cope alone at home amongst his clutter last year, I don't want the same thing to happen to my mum. I want to be able to visit her at least once a fortnight, and also to be able to get to her house easily in case of an emergency.

* Because I'm starting out in a new city, I know I am going to have to work twice as hard when I start, because I'll be working in a very different legislative environment, and will have a lot to learn. This will also mean that I'll be on the back foot, and find it harder to negotiate for things like part time or flexible work hours. Because of this I am expecting that I won't have much free time once I start working, so anything I might need to do over the next couple of years (buying my first apartment, buying a car, learning to drive again after not owning one for the past 12 years, helping my mum get her affairs into order, or figuring out what I want to do with my life) needs to be done now or otherwise I might not get time in the future.

* The past six years of my career were spent in a job that did very little for my professional development, (due to me being a bad fit for the role, and due to management that was apathetic about my career progression). I stayed in the job because I needed the money, and for other personal reasons that made moving on more difficult. As a result of this, I am extra fearful of ending up in another job that causes my career to plateau any more than it already has. This also makes me seem picky, (which could be perceived as lacking in drive, or a bad attitude).

* Even though it might seem like a town planner with ten years of experience and a masters degree should be able to get a decent job, it's not this simple, and so the time that I have taken off has been (in my opinion) vital for giving me time to read up on and study the planning system of my new city. (It really is a lot to learn).

* Since I moved out of home at the age of 19, I haven't had much contact with my mum. I was always so busy surviving and trying to build my life (either studying full time and working part time, or vice versa). My mum won't be around forever, and spending time with her now is something that will help ensure I won't have regrets.

* When my dad became unwell (dementia and other complications) in 2016, I had to fly over and take over his affairs on my own. It was the most stressful three months of my life, and left me with physical injuries that required I spend extra time looking after my health. (specifically, I had nerve strain caused by leaning over a laptop and carrying heavy bags around while standing around hospitals while managing stress), and this caused me to not be able to use my right arm for about six months. After six months of physiotherapy, yoga, tai chi and regular swimming, I got my body back to normal, but I fear a relapse, and now making time to take care of my health is extra important, which is another reason for not wanting to take a job that will require that I spend four hours a day commuting if I can avoid it, but again, this makes me look picky.

* Another thing that is making me more picky with jobs is that my last job saw my career plateu, and (at risk of generalising), I think this was partly due to the sexist attitudes of my male managers, and so for this reason, I am hesitant to work for a male boss or in a male dominated environment, if the men seem like they might be a bit macho in demeanour. (This is probably the case about 50% of the time).

Most people expect that you will look for a new job ASAP after leaving a previous job. But for me, it's complicated.

I'm now looking for work (albeit only in certain areas, and prefarably only where the culture seems positive), and because of this I am concerned it may seem like I'm not committed to my career.

If you have read to the end of this post, then you deserve a medal. Thank you. And any tips on how to put this into a concise elevator pitch would be most welcome.

Thank you for reading.

Well, in the United States you could easily say that you took 5 months off to help your mum through chemotherapy and everyone would think you're very caring and a hero. If they ask how your mum is doing, just say she's in remission and now I'm looking for a job. You don't have to go into detail or give out too many personal details. And everyone would understand why you took the time off. You don't mention any of this other stuff you wrote, about having a bad arm or male harassment, your father dying, or anything else. If the interviewer wants to know why you won't take a job 1000 miles a way, just say you want to stay close to your mum.

As for working at a job, around Boston it takes an hour to get anywhere. It took me an hour to commute in the morning and an hour at night. So if we can do it, you can do a two-hour's commute a day.

Again, I don't know how it is in Australia, but where you're a professional, you should send your resume directly to the department heads of area planning departments, and you should be calling them up and asking if there's any jobs. Since you're in these fields, you should know who and where you need to be calling.

You should search online recruiting sites (here in the US Indeed.com is the main job site). Our government is required to advertise all jobs in the Sunday newspapers, so you should check there for similar ads. And you should chat up anybody you know in planning to see where you should be applying. Don't rely on an employment agency to find you a job.

Thank very much for responding to my post Dan,

It would be a lie to say she was on chemotherapy (she wasn't) or that she's in remission (she isn't), but I take your point, that mentioning my mum's health may be enough to satisfy some peoples' cuiosity. It still feels like a lie to make it all about her, since there's more to it than that, but I'll see how I go.

Just to clarify, it's a four hour a day commute, not a two hour commute that I'm concerned about (which is what I'd be facing if I'm not too picky).

Well, you wanted an elevator pitch. I was going for maximum sympathy, but you can just say your mum was sick and you were taking care of her. (I hope she got some kind of treatment.) You really don't want to into negative issues especially if you're interviewing with a guy. He'll roll his eyes and not be able to deal with the drama of your life. You want to stay positive. Good luck.

My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. The reason for the 5 months out of work: relocation for elder care.

Don't go into details beyond, "This is why I accepted a redundancy release from my last employer and have I've since made arrangements for parental care so that I can work full time."

Make sure that the above statement is true by contacting your local hospital for a referral to a case worker. Ask for this help to line up the resources you will need to care for Mom AND for any counseling to which your redundancy may have entitled you for handling your life changes emotionally and financially.

Tell recruiter that you'd like to begin your job search within a 40 minute commute from Town Name. This doesn't need to be the name of your Mom's town, it can be the town to which to you will move once you've established proper visiting or live-in care for Mom.

Don't go into details. It's not necessary to explain your travel scope to anyone--we all have one. If recruiter doesn't have any jobs open within your radius, ask him to keep you in mind should an opportunity arise within it or near it. Understand that most agencies don't have open jobs lying around--they place active applicants as jobs come in. Your interview will make you an active applicant.

Next steps would be to set up more interviews with more recruiters--they don't all work with the same employers. Schedule with both temp and perm agencies, 1 per morning, at least 3 per week starting with the closest agency and working your radius outward.

Consider temp work for 2 reasons: income and the ability to learn company cultures and whether they are a good fit. If so, you can apply for better jobs from within. These are the jobs that never make it to the public.

Everyone has a complex family life at some point. The only thing your future employer needs to know is that you have competently recruited the resources to support you in being a dedicated employee. You can disabuse yourself of the idea that employers are invested in hearing any personal details beyond your reason for separation from your last employer and the gap in employment that has followed. Five months is not that long. Relocation for elder care is a valid reason for the time.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

The word "mom" in resumes/interviews should never happen. Keep focus on your skills and the company's position. Stay professional.

You are way over thinking things.

Do not discuss personal or family matters. Regarding the 5 months, the only thing you need to say about it is that a close family member became ill and required assistance. That is now completely taken care of and under control, so you are free to return to work and are looking for a full time permanent position.

Be honest about your travel radius. Everyone has one. If you lie and say you are OK commuting to where you aren't OK to commute to, quite frankly you are wasting everyone's time and there is no faster way to burn bridges with recruiters and employers than to quit shortly because the drive is too far for you after all. If it's too far - just don't waste people's time. Be upfront with what you will and won't do. That's not a bad attitude, that's being respectful. You don't have to explain why you aren't willing to drive for 2-3 hours, simply that you aren't. Be careful with being so nervous that you spew too much information. You don't need to justify yourself, only inform.

Other than that, stick to discussing your work experience and qualifications. Also, don't rely on one agency to get you work.

Finally, please take this recruiter guy off the pedestal. He is not all powerful. There are other agencies. You can apply for work directly as well. You should use all sources to find work, including your old bosses and colleagues in case they know of an opening in your area. I would think that after 10 years and leaving for legitimate reasons, you'd have made some friends and allies in your profession or at least people willing to recommend you.

*Due to getting a good payout (about a year's wage) when I took a redundancy with my last employer I have been able to afford this time out.

does a redundancy mean that you were laid off due to the restructuring of the business? you can say this and during that time, you took the opportunity to relocate back to your hometown to be in closer proximity to relatives and the opportunities in the area.

If its a recruiter with an agency, shouldn't they be TRYING to get you a job. can't you tell them the real reason and then ask them how to best frame it?

Well, in the United States you could easily say that you took 5 months off to help your mum through chemotherapy and everyone would think you're very caring and a hero. If they ask how your mum is doing, just say she's in remission and now I'm looking for a job. You don't have to go into detail or give out too many personal details. And everyone would understand why you took the time off. You don't mention any of this other stuff you wrote, about having a bad arm or male harassment, your father dying, or anything else. If the interviewer wants to know why you won't take a job 1000 miles a way, just say you want to stay close to your mum.

 

As for working at a job, around Boston it takes an hour to get anywhere. It took me an hour to commute in the morning and an hour at night. So if we can do it, you can do a two-hour's commute a day.

 

Again, I don't know how it is in Australia, but where you're a professional, you should send your resume directly to the department heads of area planning departments, and you should be calling them up and asking if there's any jobs. Since you're in these fields, you should know who and where you need to be calling.

 

You should search online recruiting sites (here in the US Indeed.com is the main job site). Our government is required to advertise all jobs in the Sunday newspapers, so you should check there for similar ads. And you should chat up anybody you know in planning to see where you should be applying. Don't rely on an employment agency to find you a job.

I can not agree with your statements on the first part of your post about the interviewer would give you sympathy and would be something that they would understand. At the end of the day, they may say it to your face that you are a hero, a good person, a person with morals and high value for their family. Though they will consider and ask the question to themselves to see if you are a really good fit for the company. Meaning, they will wonder if you would have to take another leave of absence or quit due to having to take care of your mom in the future if something ever to happen. That means the reward has to be great for them to be able to hire you vs the risk that they are taking. Your resume and recommendations has to be over the top, literally to see any kind of value out of you. I know this because I have asked these questions and had to weight the risk vs reward. Generally I would pass on you due to the fact that you may be required to not work due to the circumstances, while I would still commend you on the things that you are doing but you must be an all star if I were to take the risk and take on that baggage that you carry. The outcome of the unknown is what would stop from you being hired.

Instead of the sympathy route, I would just go with a vague explanation that you had to take care of some family emergency and now that is over and ready to get back to work. I would spin it so that they understand that you had financial means to be able to do this, knowing that it was short term and now that is over you are ready to get back. i would also explain that through personal changes and progression that you have made over the past 5 months that you would not work in X location or name other criteria that is not right for you. When you do it this way and spin it like I did here, you are now confident, aggressive, know what you want, and will look like you are not willing to settle.

I don't know much about Australia but here in the U.S these agencies only want to know the most about you so if there is a possible employment they can be prepared to ask a range of questions that they might ask about you. Remember they get paid once you are placed in X company. There may be some clauses that you may have to spend X amount of months for them to get paid at all but the important thing here is that they want to place you some where so they get paid. I don't think the range of questions or aggressiveness that you are talking about is in relation to know more about you for their personal benefit. It just revolves around money and they want to place you soon as possible. That is why they are asking if you could work at X city or some other location. More companies means more potential to place you fast as possible so they can make money fast as possible. They will just generalize the requirements for each job and set you up for a real interview, they won't even look to see if it's a good fit.

So be specific in what you want. It may take a little bit longer for them to find something for you. However if they know you are specific on job categories and location while they might not be actively searching for that area but once they come across that area you will generally be the first long as someone else doesn't have the same criteria, then it becomes first come first serve. So it's okay to be specific and don't worry about what they think about you. They want to place you to make money, they are not there to judge you on if you are being difficult to them because they need you to make money.

Thanks again Dan Zee. Again, if I said "she was sick" it would be a lie, and if I said "I was taking care of her" that would also be a lie. Fortunately, she hasn't been sick. Her last scan came up clear so it's just a matter of wait and see, and then if it spreads she will most likely seek treatment. But before I came over, she was planning on going on a year long trial that would have made her potentially very sick. This may happen in the future. So I came here to help her prepare (by helping her get her affairs into order, as well as form better healthy habits).

I certainly don't want sympathy. Not from a potential employer / recruiter. I want to seem reliable and not like someone who will need time off in the future.

Thanks so much for your suggestions and feedback cat feeder. Lots of great practical suggestions.

with regards to your suggestion that I say I relocated for elder care, and that I've now made arrangements for further care, unfortunately this isn't true, so I wouldn't be able to say it. I came over to help her get her affairs into order and also to be around in case she needs me. At present, she is healthy, but has been told there's a 60-80% chance her cancer will spread. But that is a good suggestion to get advice on what kind of care / support might be available. I will do that. (In Australia, we have an agency called My Aged Care which is a government run one stop shop for advice regarding aged care support.

You make a very good point about doing temp work to shop around for the best employers.

Many thanks for all the suggestions. Very helpful.

Thank you Dancing Fool. Unfortunately, there are two main recruiters in my field, and the recruiter I'm meeting next week is responsible for about 50% of openings. My worries were triggered by him asking a lot of questions that I'm not used to being asked by potential employers. (He seemed to want me to explain my reasons for things). But all this advice from all of you is helpng me with my wording. Thank you

You have a point

Corretion: It was a voluntary severance. (I was not made redundant).

Thank you Dan Zee.

I'm definitely not looking for sympathy. That won't get me the job. Looking capable and committed and unlikely to ask for time off is the look I'm going for.

Thank you catfeeeder. I wrote a response but I don't think it's here anymore. Lots of useful suggestions suggestions.

Thank you. I absolutely agree about the red flags that potential caring role could set off with employers. Great advice. Thank you.

Hi all,

I just noticed that my repsonses aren't being posted under the messages I'm trying to reply to. I haven't used this site in a long time so I'm a bit rusty with how to reply. My apologies. But suffice to say I very much appreciate all your suggestions, and will take many of them on board.

Many thanks

 

with regards to your suggestion that I say I relocated for elder care, and that I've now made arrangements for further care, unfortunately this isn't true, so I wouldn't be able to say it. I came over to help her get her affairs into order and also to be around in case she needs me.

What's untrue about it? Assisting a parent IS elder care. There are no bedridden implications to it--seniors remain active these days, and any arrangements you make to aid that in remaining so are as much about responsible care as tending to a sick parent. If you're more comfortable framing it as a family matter, then do so, but the point is, you didn't part from your last job on bad terms or to go play on the beach--you relocated to assist a parent, and the details about that are not necessary to disclose.

Don't spin yourself into a hole to climb out of. Your personal matters are not only allowed to remain that way, it's more professional to keep them so. The more info you volunteer, the more defensively 'guilty' of 'something' you sound, and the good folks on here are trying to talk you down from that ledge.

Head high, enjoy your time off, and don't invent some judge and jury that doesn't exist.

Thank you Catfeeder. Very good words. I think you've identified the neurosis that is responsible for this tailspin that I'm currently in.

Thank you for your help in framing this. Haha. I'm such a flake.

Thank you Catfeeder. Very good words. I think you've identified the neurosis that is responsible for this tailspin that I'm currently in.

 

Thank you for your help in framing this. Haha. I'm such a flake.

Mature discretion means learning what is appropriate to reveal to others versus what is wise to keep private. It's a learnable skill that requires removing yourself from the witness stand you carry in your own head.

Practice changing your inner critical voice away from the harsh judge and start speaking to yourself with the voice of an encouraging coach. It will change your default defensiveness to a more optimistic lens.

Head high, and best wishes for a rewarding transition. I hope you'll keep us updated.

Thank you Cat feeder. Very wise words; very relevant for me at this time.