Are we too different?

Heya!

 

My boyfriend Mike and I have been together for just over a year, living together and both working full time. He works in a family business and im a front end developer.

 

since we have been together he has always partied and drank alot. I didnt mind, i was getting on with my own life and not worried about his, since then...its just got so tedious. ill do all the housework, i cant get him to do a thing and he parties every weekend and spends sunday hungover and monday grumpy.

 

He cant see why id be annoyed. Okay, i get it- time for himself ect., hes always done this- this is the way he is, but this is binge drinking- its not the way anybody should be.

 

I dont want to give up on everything- hes blaming me for bringing it up, im asking him to grow up.

 

I feel like the decision is being made for me and its horrible

Binge-drinking every weekend wouldn't work for me, either. It comes with too many other problems and isn't conducive to a healthy and stable relationship, more often than not. I realize college kids indulge in this, for example, but at a certain point it's immature and can point to deeper problems.

 

Yes, it seems you knew he was like this. But now you also know he's not interested in adjusting his lifestyle. This is what he likes. So you have a decision to make, and it would seem to me that the answer is pretty clear: if drinking and partying is a priority, I'd be out the door.

Unfortunately you need to move out asap. At this point you have a very unhealthy mother-child, party animal enabler situation. Stop arguing, etc. it will never work. Nor will playing mom or martyr. Actions speak louder than words. Move Out or kick him out. Why did you move in so quickly knowing all this? You are making all the decisions, not him by staying and condoning all this.

I have been together for just over a year, living together. since we have been together he has always partied and drank alot. ill do all the housework, i cant get him to do a thing and he parties every weekend and spends sunday hungover and monday grumpy.- hes blaming me for bringing it up, im asking him to grow up. I feel like the decision is being made for me and its horrible

but this is binge drinking- its not the way anybody should be.

Yes, you could very well argue that this isn't how someone "should" live, but I think you've gotta stop prioritizing this thinking. Whether anyone should live that way, he in fact is. "Should" is no longer relevant. Now you have a regular binge drinker. He's content (or at least unwavering) with that habit. He's a grown man. You're not his mother. I'm sorry to say, but you either learn to be happy with a regular binge drinker or you pass.

 

Any time you look at your partner and think they should or need to "grow up," you'd do best to leave them. Legitimate reason for it or not, you respect that individual as a partner as much as you would a child. The detriment there should be self-evident.

To answer the title of your post - yes. Maybe it's not how he should live, but it's how he chooses to live and he is a grown man. Either you respect it and can live with it, or you need to end things and get out of this relationship because you don't want to live with someone like that. Don't get involved with a person hoping to change them or fix them because all you are doing is wasting your time. Next time when you meet a guy, look at his down sides and be honest with yourself whether you can deal with them easily or whether they are deal breakers. If deal breakers, just end things right there and then.

I'd ask myself, "Since this is the best that I can expect from BF, do I stay or go?" If the answer is stay, then here you are. If the answer is go, the next question becomes, "When?"

Bottom line: Long lasting change in someone's habits is voluntary.

 

Therefore, as harsh as the following may be, you either accept him for who he is or you let him go.

 

It's a difficult place to be in and you seem to really care about him. I wish you the very best!

Heya!

 

My boyfriend Mike and I have been together for just over a year, living together and both working full time. He works in a family business and im a front end developer.

 

since we have been together he has always partied and drank alot. I didnt mind, i was getting on with my own life and not worried about his, since then...its just got so tedious. ill do all the housework, i cant get him to do a thing and he parties every weekend and spends sunday hungover and monday grumpy.

 

He cant see why id be annoyed. Okay, i get it- time for himself ect., hes always done this- this is the way he is, but this is binge drinking- its not the way anybody should be.

 

I dont want to give up on everything- hes blaming me for bringing it up, im asking him to grow up.

 

I feel like the decision is being made for me and its horrible

 

Having to ask a grown man to grow up should be the huge, bright, neon red flag.

 

You want this relationship more than he does so you've gone wifey mode----play maid, cook, laundress, sex partner, etc.---- to achieve those ends without the license--- and he's more than willing to let you do all of this because he's got his... and he knows that you want this relationship more than he does.

 

Him and his binge drinking? That's who this guy is. No amount of whining or complaining from you is going to change that. This is the type of change that has to come from him and unfortunately, it's not going to come any time soon if he feels there's nothing wrong with how he's choosing to live his life. So, that means you have two choices: either stay with him and be happy, quiet and content that you have a man or you leave and don't set up household with someone who has fundamental habits which are a deal breaker for you. I'm sure he didn't spring this binge drinking thing on you this past weekend---it's more than likely been going on before you moved in, but you chose to ignore the signs when you could have steered clear of this wreck of a man.

I dated a guy like this in my early 20's after moving back to the area I grew up in, and didn't know anybody at that time. I left him after two months when we were suppose to go to the movies one night, only to call me from Las Vegas saying he joined some bachelor party of a friend of a friend. And while he owned his own home, he lived with his mom who cooked for him! And he was in his early 30's. So, you've got a man-child on your hands. And we still are FB friends, and have spoken from time to time over the years, and he's now just about 50, and still a big partier, and single. He's got a heart of gold, but his FOMO keeps his from a settled life.

 

The takeaway here; stop cooking and cleaning for him; stop playing housewife and mom. Stop being a doormat.

He doesn't need to grow up. He needs to choose to get help for his drinking problem. He does, not you. I wouldn't stick around unless you accept this, as Catfeeder wrote. I wouldn't stick around.