What do you do when they completely disregard you?

Been together 1.2 yrs. She wants marriage and kids bad. Have worked so hard to learn to get to know each other and come this far and are very passionate.

Currently on an international trip in a foreign country were speaks she speaks the language I speak nothing. She made appointment to get photos taken and we have been here for five hours. It’s far away and not easy to get back to the hotel. I have been so patient but now I just want to go. She won’t cut short and she’s being so selfish. She is completely disregarding my needs, interest and I feel very disrespected. To the point of I want to break up with her when I get home. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

It’s bigger then this circumsrance to me. I’d never put her in this much of an uncomfortable posistion. I’d drop what I am doing in a heart beat if she was this upset, even if it cost my a few hundred dollars. I’d put her first. She isn’t even close to doing that. She’s putting her photos, ego, need to show off her beauty far ahead of my happiness.

I’m stuck on this trip for 2 more weeks but I saw a side of her that is so ugly. Am I being fair? Am I being unreasonable to drop her photos after we have already been here 5 hrs and 2 outfits. When there are 2 more outfits?

Pleeeeese help me :(

I can understand why you don't want to stay, but also understand why she doesn't want to go. She likely paid a lot for this shoot and doesn't want to squander it, plus she's doing it for her own reasons. You are waiting for a very long time for her to get this done, which I don't think many people, besides those getting paid to do so, want to be there unless if she's a celebrity.

Did she or you bring up the discussion of how long this would take? Or even anything about it? It would have solved this beforehand, although in hindsight it's easier to state after the fact. I do know professional photoshoots can take a very long time. Sometimes they can be quick if it's a more laid back place. You didn't get lucky on this one. Perhaps if you knew more about what it entailed, you could have decided to go or not.

It is a little unfair to ask her to cut the shoot she paid a lot of money for short just because you're bored after agreeing to be there. You should just go home by yourself if you can't stand it. I don't blame you, that's a long time. Or you could just explore the area a bit and come back later. That's what you're there for right? To explore another country? Go to a pub, a restaurant, walk around, look at the shops, venues, markets, the entertainment, and then tell her about it later.

What is the ugly side of her you saw?

Did you know ahead of time that this was planned for the day? Or, did she just drag you along and now has just left you sitting in the corner waiting?

And if it is only the one day and you are already losing your s*** then something is not right here.

Honestly, it sounds like a communication issue between you both. If she wants to get these photos done and while she is on vacation, then fine, but did you need to come? Did she give you the option? Does the same happen the other way around, if you really wanted to go see some sports team and it was going to take a bunch of hours, would you drag her along or give her the option to do something else?

And, sure, it is a joint holiday away together, but you do not have to be joined at the hip the entire time. The best way to know if a couple is going to work in the long term is for them to go on vacation together for a month in a foreign location and see how they compromise together. Oh, you want to go do a photoshoot for 8 hours because that is the thing you are into? Nah, I'll just hang around the hotel or go for a wander along this street and check out these things. To expect to be joined at the hip the entire time is very needy and uncompromising.

Honestly, you are showing your own ugly side with this. And if you two are not able to compromise better, then it is likely for the best that this relationship ends after your vacation.

I don't understand. What exactly are these photos, and why does it bother you so much?

You need to provide more details because I don't see the connection between her getting photos done and you wanting to break up with her and go home.

I agree with the others.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask her to cut her photo shoot short. She paid for it and it’s what she wants to do.

I also don’t think it’s reasonable to expect you to sit there for 5 hours with nothing to do.

The answer is to do your own thing. These things will almost always come up in just about any relationship.

If you don’t speak the language and it’s complicated to get to the hotel, can you ask her to help you get a cab or something and tell the driver where you are going?

I know you are upset but I guess I don’t really understand why this is a relationship dealbreaker? Unless you both expect to be tied to each other’s hips all the time and to never be annoyed by it (which, IMO, is an unreasonable expectation).

Well, a relationship comes with compromise . Sometimes you have to do things the other person likes and sometimes you get to do the things you like . I don’t want to go see the Blue Jays either but I am going with my husband just for the sake of him wanting to be together with me at the ball game . It is something special to him so I’m going . I hate sports with a passion . For the sake of what is good in our relationship I am going with him .

If you can’t do something for the sake of the other person for even five hours then the relationship is probably over .

It's too late now but why didnt you go somewhere while she was doing this? Take a walk, see the sights, get lunch. Yeah I'd be PO'd too but what is the reason behind all these photos?

Thank you so much everyone for roping me back into reality. That is why I came to the group to vent and ask for advice. I had a feeling I was being a bit over-the-top. But in the heat of the moment it is hard to step out of the situation and see it differently. It is a cultural thing here to dress up in costumes and get your photo taken. This is China. I was told you were just going to a photo studio 45 minutes away from our hotel and I was thinking it would take an hour or two and I don’t think she knew it was going to take this long either. I should have never come and she should have never brought me here. It wasn’t until the five hour mark that she said why don’t you take a cab home. But I was already upset by then. I tried to get a taxi but I could not get the phone application to work, it is very complicated here you can’t just hail a cab. The subway can be pretty difficult when you’re 45 minutes away that’s three transfers and I didn’t want to take the subway. The other option was to go for a walk but I’m in a commercial district and I just like walking around business Parks it’s not really that interesting to me. We fought it out and she finally realized how upset I was. I think I was more upset than you might imagine because something similar happened yesterday shopping and we got herself in the same situation where I was ready to head home after 45 hours and she wouldn’t give up. I like your idea of just doing our separate things on certain days so she can finish up what she wants to do and I don’t have to be dragged along. I am used to being extremely independent but when you go to some of these foreign countries I am dependent on her for the language and even paying for things. I had barely any cash and she has a phone app to pay for everything which we Won’t work on my phone. You have to be a citizen here. I have traveled through Africa and Europe and other parts of the world but it has been much more complicated here in China and if you do not have a local phone number among other things you just get trapped without a tour guide.

Anyhow we worked it out and I will go do my own things on some of these days so she can get done what she wants to and she understands that we cannot get ourselves in the situation in the future.