Feel like a failure compared to my ex

My ex and I used to work for the same company (I’m a flight attendant for a small regional airline), and that was where we met. We always talked about going to one of the bigger airlines together. We applied to one and neither of us got it, and he continued to apply to others. I took the rejection from the first airline pretty hard. (I still wanted to try for other potential big league airlines after the sting of rejection settled).

When he got a job at another one I was of course happy, but a little jealous and sad he was leaving me. (We used to fly and travel the country together for work). Then when he went away for training and he dumped me I just feel like such a loser. I feel lesser than him. :( my self esteem dropped so low. I can’t stop comparing myself to him and I wonder if he left me because he feels he’s better than me.

We always talked about visiting other countries together and now I picture him in Rome and Thailand, living it up. It makes me feel like someone is stabbing me in the heart. And now I feel like I can’t apply for the airline he got into because it would be like I followed him.

Now I’m stuck up in all the hotels we used to spend nights together in, but I’m laying here by myself. I can’t even enjoy my travels because everywhere I go reminds me of him.

I’m trying my best to improve myself since the breakup. I started therapy, got a beautiful new tattoo, a brand new 2018 car, signed a lease to an apartment. All of these things to make me feel better and fill the gap where he used to be. I want to feel like If he can do good, so can I. But I still feel empty and basically like a failure. And now I hate my job because of him, too. Even my MOM sis liking his facebook posts of his successes and it irritates me, like I don’t want my mom to be HAPPY of the guy who got my dream job then dumped me over a text from 800 miles away. Is that selfish? I just don’t know if I should still go after my dream, anymore. I feel very badly about myself.

It also doesn’t help that every time I go to the airport I get intense anxiety just trying to go to work for fear I’m going to run into him. I’m miserable.

Well, it is common for women to feel this way, particularly when they've been emotionally abused. I saw your previous post and you mentioned you both had been arguing with each other. Arguing is usually about control and manipulation and when you acted all jealous when you saw him with other women, that sounds a lot like an emotional dependency rather than actual love.

I would urge you to hang out with friends and other people who are supportive of you. Try to distract yourself from thinking of this jerk by going out and having a life. Exercise can help with depression and sadness as well as going to parties, concerts, movies and other events. If you feel really bad, think about talking to someone at an abuse hotline. They can help you clarify things in your relationship. You are not to blame for this, rather your boyfriend has created this situation. You can get yourself out and be happy again. Google emotional abuse and emotional dependency for more information about what you might have suffered through.

I've just stopped talking to my mom because she does the same and even wished my ex a happy bday the other day!

I txtd her and said that my ex hurt me a lot and my mom basically told me to suck it up!

Wow! If someone hurt my kids I wouldn't be wishing them a happy bday..!!

My ex just bought a house whilst I still grieve the loss of mine...

You are fresh into the breakup so it's going to sting for a while unfortunately.

But take care of yourself and eventually you wont care so much what he's doing.

It's all about you now.

Sending You Strength

Carus*

Carus, I get that you're still healing but I hope and pray you reach a point where you can look outside of yourself and realize a break up is no reason to lose contact to the woman who brought you into this world. Our relationships are ours, we cant force anybody to pick sides because it ended.

Noelle, first off Im sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it stings, allow yourself time to heal and then you go and you get your dream job. Don't ever let a boy hinder you from reaching your dreams.

I wish you luck on your journey.

Thanks FigureItOut* ~ I understand but this is not an isolated incident. This woman gave me up for adoption when I was born and since knowing her again for around 30 years now she has hurt me, abandoned me and not understood me over and over and to be honest...I'm pretty done with it. We are very much different people...

Perhaps in the future we'll talk again but for now I don't need to be in contact with her for more reasons than this last one....

I do hope that if you had kids, or have kids, that you would not side with someone that hurts them....I'm sure you wouldn't....

PM me if you'd like to discuss it further as I don't want to hijack Noelles thread, and I do hope you're doin' better, and you too Noelle*

Regards

Carus*