Am I overreacting ?

I recently started getting to know this guy I've known for a few years. We've been growing closer on a friendship level & I really enjoy his friendship, he's super loving and sweet. However lastnight we got into a huge argument and I told him to leave my house.... becauseeeeeee

On several occasions he's randomly started talking about pedophilia ? Which I'm okay with the topic but some of the things he says makes me concerned for the safety of my child. He first begin telling me that there are some people out here with really sick minds, but that we shouldn't be so quick to judge because alot of the time they were also hurt as children. I'm like at some point if you realize you have an issue you should seek help for it. There isn't really an excuse for that kind of behavior... etc

He admitted to me the following day that he was molested by an older cousin as a child. And told me he doesn't know why but he felt comfortable opening up with me about it. He went into details on alot of things & that just because it happened to him doesn't mean it made him homosexual or want to do things that would be hurtful to a child...

A little later that night he bought it up again, saying hes very open and can understand the thoughts of a pedophile. That he probably should be a lawyer because he's open to seeing everyone's perspective & yes people normally would be mad he got a pedophile off the hook but he said we need a better understanding of why they are the way they are..

I proceeded to speak on how I know there are some men that target single moms to gain access to their children his statement was well men can sense certain things about a woman. If she's weak, or doesn't have any men around her... and we will try to get at her... That part blew me off... The fact that any other time I speak of men like cheating etc he doesn't like to be compared to that but was perfectly fine saying he knew how to pick women he knew he could easily manipulate ?? He says you know what pedophiles need to do.... I'm going to tell you a pedophile needs to learn control...

By then I was super upset because I've been taken advantage of alot & I sure would hate to give anyone the impression that I'm weak and can't protect my child... He got very mad & started generalizing all women as crazy & retarded which flipped my switch. I made him leave... He was yelling & became very disrespectful.. Saying my child's father ed my head up etc...

Was I wrong for getting upset ? Should I have been more open to what he was saying or understanding ?

He is creepy, disgusting and has abusive tendencies (yelling, being disrepsectul). The way he talks about pedophiles I would not be surprised if he was one. I would be gone in a heartbeat, and never let him be able to contact me again. Please dont engage with him anymore, and do NOT let him around your child.

I would not say you are overreacting, no. You did the right thing. He did have a valid point though, not everyone who was sexually abused becomes an abuser.

I was a sexually abused child and I have never harmed a child in my life. I have my own child who is now an adult and I work in a daycare and youth centre and am fabulous with kids.

I would try to avoid generalizations that men are horrible. Everyone is an individual . There are crappy men, good men and there are crappy women there are good women .

He admitted to me the following day that he was molested by an older cousin as a child. And told me he doesn't know why but he felt comfortable opening up with me about it. He went into details on alot of things & that just because it happened to him doesn't mean it made him homosexual or want to do things that would be hurtful to a child.

Absolutely valid points. Sexual abuse is awful enough without stigmatizing the victim or assuming they will necessarily become abusers themselves.

A little later that night he bought it up again, saying hes very open and can understand the thoughts of a pedophile.

But this - this would have me extremely concerned and creeped out.

He got very mad & started generalizing all women as crazy & retarded which flipped my switch. I made him leave... He was yelling & became very disrespectful.. Saying my child's father ed my head up etc...

And this would have given me further confirmation that this man has no place in my life. He's a hothead, rude and has some very worrying perspectives on sexual abuse.

I would block him and not even think twice about doing so.

A little later that night he bought it up again, saying hes very open and can understand the thoughts of a pedophile. That he probably should be a lawyer because he's open to seeing everyone's perspective & yes people normally would be mad he got a pedophile off the hook but he said we need a better understanding of why they are the way they are

... and this is where your post started to get scary.

There is a HUGE difference between an explanation and an excuse.

Having been molested as a child can explain why some pediphiles do what they do. It doesn’t excuse the behavior, though. As humans, we have the capacity to understand right from wrong.

To give a much more benign example, you can understand why someone would steal if they are hungry. That doesn’t mean that they can go around stealing and can go unpunished. They have an obligation to find other ways to fix the problem.

The fact that this guy sees it as an excuse, and then talks about being able to suss out vulnerable women, etc...

No, you did not overreact. This guy is creepy and your obligation is to your child.

Plenty of fish in the sea. This one is not worth the risk.

Who cares! ANYTHING to protect your child.

listen to your gut.... this is weird. i fully recognize some pedophiles were molested but why does this topic keep coming up?

that in itself is weird.

bashing women and sayng we are all crazy is a well known manipulation tactic. convince the woman she's the crazy one.

be strong and if he tries to apologize just say that's all well and good, but you don't want his kind of friendship or anything else.

you will never forgive yourself if he hurts your child.

If I was you, I'd never let him in my house again, or around my child, in fact I'd sever all communication with him. Your kid is much more important than potentially dating this guy.

 

He got very mad & started generalizing all women as crazy & retarded which flipped my switch. I made him leave... He was yelling & became very disrespectful.. Saying my child's father ed my head up etc...

 

Was I wrong for getting upset ? Should I have been more open to what he was saying or understanding ?

No!! You were not wrong, his behavior was unacceptable!! All of it.

NEXT. Nuff said.

Oh except for he has a thing or two to learn about the criminal justice system and why defense lawyers do what they do.

NO, defense lawyers do not represent criminals (pedophiles, murderers, etc) because they "understand" the behavior, they do it because according to constitutional law, everyone is entitled to fair process, equal rights and a diligent defense. No matter how egregious the offense.

Most defense lawyers know their clients are guilty and feel disgusted by it, but nevertheless, they understand the law and equal rights and chose this line of work to protect those rights.

Re your guy, not judging clearly what happened to him affected him in a really bad and negative way.

He needs therapy, not a relationship!

I wouldn't give this a second thought, as this is your child whom you have an obligation to protect.

Also, if he has a copy of your house key, change the locks. I would have them changed anyway. Can never be too safe.