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4 kids and trying to date?


Red88

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That’s what I’m saying. I feel that exact same way. Guess I’ll focus on work.

 

Is it wrong to date and just leave that part out till I think it’s serious?

 

How would you go about that? If a woman asks if you have children, you're going to respond "I'll only answer that question if I think we may become serious"??

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I’m giving up lol. Enough said.

 

I guess I’ve completely f**kd myself. Guess rosy palm is gonna be getting a lot of attention haha

 

I edited my post earlier because I felt it was inconsequential but I can tell you from observation men have a much easier time dating with children than women do, and honestly the older we get the harder it is to find a man or woman who doesn't have at least one kid another plus. I honestly do not see the number of children you have being an issue for you at all. But that should not be your concern right now. You're literally days out of a serious relationship. You already put your ex through the ringer, now you want a woman to be your rebound. Jesus man, I thought you said you grew up.

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I edited my post earlier because I felt it was inconsequential but I can tell you from observation men have a much easier time dating with children than women do, and honestly the older we get the harder it is to find a man or woman who doesn't have at least one kid another plus. I honestly do not see the number of children you have being an issue for you at all. But that should not be your concern right now. You're literally days out of a serious relationship. You already put your ex through the ringer, now you want a woman to be your rebound. Jesus man, I thought you said you grew up.

 

Put my ex through the ringer? She’s done with me. It’s over. What’s wrong with me trying to date ? She is, I can’t? How am I not acting grown up ?

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We split . She was kinda weird . The relationship dynamic was odd. She was odd.

 

I just wanted a piece of tail, to help get over the EX, but the s** was weird to. BUT, we were on the same page. She was recently divorced, didn’t want anything serious. She never asked if I had kids. I would of told her the truth.

 

I guess I’ll keep to myself. I don’t understand how trying to date is not grown. She is, why can’t I .

 

Why is it men have an easier time dating than women? Curious .

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I dated a guy once who had 4 kids. We have since broken up and I know he’s with someone else now... so... it’s fine.

 

I would say you should be upfront about it. Either it will be a dealbreaker or it won’t.

 

For me, at the time, I wanted to know that he would be willing to have one more so that I could have one biologically of my own. (I am no longer interested in having kids of my own).

 

For me, the bigger dealbreakers would be the age of the kids (I don’t want to do diapers and crying... anything over the age of about 7 is about right for me) - and you would need to have a good job to be able to afford them all and to also be able to have a bit of a life outside the kids. But - that’s more because I don’t have kids of my own.

 

The reason I think it might be easier on guys is that often they don’t have full custody and the responsibility of the day to day activities. Having the kids every second weekend and occasionally during the week (which seems to be the norm) feels less taxing than having the kids on a day to day basis. Also, women stereotypically are more nurturing so it may be less foreign for a woman without kids to date a guy with kids. But - of course - those are all stereotypes. Lots of guys are loving and nurturing too :)

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Put my ex through the ringer? She’s done with me. It’s over. What’s wrong with me trying to date ? She is, I can’t? How am I not acting grown up ?

 

I will repeat what I just said, you are D A Y S out of a long term relationship. If she's with someone else she is rebounding if you do the same you are rebounding.

 

An adult who has learned from his relationship mistakes would try to make sense of his new status as a single dad and coparenting rather than trying to heal yourself by jumping into something with someone else.

 

Again, 4 kids, whatever. Baby mama drama? get the heck away from me!

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Ok. I was just trying to see What my future holds as far as having 4 kids and dating. Yes my baby mama is drama and always will be.

 

But I figured if she was dating (she said she’d date if the opportunity arose) then I figured I should .

 

Idk. I can’t get away from drama. Lol I’ll just wrk my azz off and forget about girls. I just like having one around . Even if it’s just to chill with. Anyhow, I’m moving in 2mths to be closer to my kids.

 

Maybe then I’ll start testing the waters.

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What are the chances of finding a girl while having 4 kids? Is it possible or is it gonna be as hard as I think?

 

I’m 29

 

Well I have a good friend (female) that has four kids and has no trouble getting dates... has yet to find a suitable BF though... and I think that’s more to do with the fact that she would rather focus on her kids than have a serious relationship.

 

The biggest challenge for you is probably going to be finding a woman that is selfless enough to be totally okay with you putting your kids first.

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She is, why can’t I .

 

Do we really need to answer this? Of course you can do whatever TF you want... which also means you could choose to be the bigger person and behave with grace and dignity in this situation and focus on your kids and the feelings they might be having about the breakup instead.

 

My ex rushed right into another relationship after ours ended... they broke up a month ago and now he is not only grieving that one but ours as well cause he never did. And his kids were pissed at him for rushing in so quickly... and he will never get a redo on that cause the time has passed.

 

I chose not to rush in to anything and am now happy and well adjusted and got to be there for my kids while they were sad.

It was super hard to do but worth it.

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If I was a single woman and a guy told me he had 4 kids all you would see of me is a cartoon outline of smoke as I dashed away...

 

But I'm a guy. I would still react the same if it was a woman with 4 kids.

 

There are some extenuating circumstances though.

 

If you had them all with the same woman and were married then I wouldn't be the same way but I would still be super cautious.

 

To me unless you have a good excuse I would just think the individual is incredibly irresponsible. Which is why I wouldn't date them.

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I think that you should focus on being an awesome dad to your kids instead of "chasing tail." Honestly, if that is how you think of women, i feel sorry for your daughters. You are too young for a woman to really want to date a man with 4 kids (i mean, if you were 40 and the kids were 14 and up and you were divorced for a decade - okay -- but you have little ones, do you not? Unless you started having babies in high school, these have to be very young kids. If i was on the dating market, i would never date a man with tiny kids. i would think "well, he couldn't even try at his relationship with a baby on the way?" If you were widowed, that would be different. If you were actually married to their mother and divorced that might be something different to.

 

When you have kids, even if a woman is not going to meet them until you are serious about committing to eachother - who you eventually expose your kids to, etc, is an important consideration.

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Why is it men have an easier time dating than women? Curious .

 

Because the kids are usually with mom. if he is an every other weekend dad - he has a lot of freedom without the kids to go on dates. It doesn't mean he will get a relationship out of it, but he doesn't have to be home in the evenings to put the kids to bed

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I think that you should focus on being an awesome dad to your kids instead of "chasing tail." Honestly, if that is how you think of women, i feel sorry for your daughters. You are too young for a woman to really want to date a man with 4 kids (i mean, if you were 40 and the kids were 14 and up and you were divorced for a decade - okay -- but you have little ones, do you not? Unless you started having babies in high school, these have to be very young kids. If i was on the dating market, i would never date a man with tiny kids. i would think "well, he couldn't even try at his relationship with a baby on the way?" If you were widowed, that would be different. If you were actually married to their mother and divorced that might be something different to.

 

When you have kids, even if a woman is not going to meet them until you are serious about committing to eachother - who you eventually expose your kids to, etc, is an important consideration.

abitbroken, I agree. I have been reading this thread but able to really say all the issues.

 

op, if you find yourself having to ask how you are being immature, you really don't see it.

 

Your four children really need their dad.

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I agree. And your right. Sometimes I wonder what she is going to have to deal with. A lot of guys just wanna get in a girls pants regardless of children. Then when they get tired of the day to day struggles kids being upon a relationship they bounce.

 

I’m currently 8hrs from my kids. Made a decision. When my company gets bought out I’m moving to a city 1.30 hours away to be closer to them.

 

Currently NC . Strictly email. I’m at a point where I need to do what’s best for ME and my kids.

Fu** the whole family unit, fairy tail bs I had in my mind growing up. I was young and super irresponsible. The relationship with my kids Mom is important, in a sense that I want it to remain open and positive. Reconciliation? I’m taking it day by day. Doing NC and strictly email over issues related to the kids. She sends me pictures of them and throws in one of her. I’m not buying it anymore. The past couple days I’ve gotten pictures through email of the kids. That’s great. I replied “thank you for sending pics of the kids!!” That was it. I’m nobody’s safety net or second choice

 

Got an email that kids need shoes and she needs $100 for food and gas . Boom. Sent $150 and bought shoes from finish line for the kids. On top of $350 in summer cloths for this month alone.

 

What I’m saying is I’m strictly Co parenting rather than being stuck on this whole idea of reconciliation. I’m over that. Does it hurt day to day. Yes very bad, but from what I can gather it gets easier . At least that’s what I’m hoping for.

 

Yes text and call could go on all year and it wouldn’t mean jack. We are not on the same page. She doesn’t want to be together, I DO. So I have to do what’s best for ME AND THE KIDS to get over my feelings and co parent. It’s hard to give up on her and being together, YES, will it hurt when she finds someone new, YES very much. But it’s gonna happen regardless of anything I do or say so I might as well just prepare and do what I can so when that day comes it won’t be SO bad.

 

Does that make sense. Am I taking a more mature and grown way to handle this thing or does everyone still think I’m immature and need to grow up?

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