He begged for me back only to dump me again

Back in January my boyfriend of a year and I were getting into a lot of arguments and I ended things with him. The arguments were always small little things. We just knew how to push each other’s buttons.

On Valentine’s Day about 2 months later he begged for me back. Wouldn’t take no for an answer. Said he’d do anything to be back with me. I agreed to meet up with him and we got back together.

Everything was great! We got along fantastic and even told each other we loved each other. I was head over heals for him. He had to leave for Dallas for a month and a half for training for his new job and when he got back we planned to move in together.

While he was in Dallas he was super busy. When he got back to the hotel he’d always say he was “too tired” or “with his colleagues”. I would see on social media a bunch of people in his hotel room. Mostly women. I got super possessive and jealous. Getting angry when he wouldn’t call. At one point he lied and said he was still in class to avoid calling me. A whole week went by without hearing from him. And eventually he texted me saying he’s just not ready for a relationship because he had such a huge life change. But he still loves me and hopes our paths cross again someday. He also oddly enough asked if he could call me the next day to “hear my voice one last time”. I thought this was weird and I told him no. What was the point? I’d only be making it harder if I accepted his call.

I’m heart broken. It’s been 3 weeks. After a week I texted asking if he’d met another woman in Dallas and he said absolutely not. The second week I texted again begging him to reconsider when he came back home and asked him to meet me to talk. His response was only “today is a bad day to talk, I’m in a bad mood.”

That was the last I heard from him, a week ago. My heart is broken. He begged for me back only to leave me broken hearted. I can’t eat (I lost 15 pounds), can’t sleep, can’t concentrate on anything except for him! I’m going crazy. My friends are bored of hearing about him but I can’t help but talk about him.

His flight home was last night, so he’s back in Illinois. His last text was very strange. He said it was a bad day to talk, does this mean I should reach out again now that he’s home? Or should I stick with no contact and hope he comes to me if he’s ever ready to talk? He was always a good guy and I feel so terrible for becoming so needy while he was away. He worked SO hard to win me back just to change his mind it just doesn’t make sense. Do you think he will come around? My birthday is next month and I wonder if we are still apart if he will even wish me a happy birthday :(

I don't know what the specifics of your relationship was, or your age ranges. It sounds like your ex boyfriend had an issue with being dumped. He begged you back, only to turn around and dump you. He wanted to be the one to dump you, not vice versa.

He is also either just not that into you and treated you unfavorably (which probably caused you to dump him first) or he is playing mind games. He is getting a kick out of seeing how needy and insecure you are acting. You are hoping to hear from him, eager for any crumbs of attention he might toss in your direction. It seems that you initiate contact with him more than he does with you. Why are you allowing yourself to be treated in this manner? He does not share the same affections for you, that you do for him. If he did, he does not now. Pay attention to how he's treating you presently.

A guy that truly adores you cannot go days, much less weeks-- without wanting to hear your voice or see you. No contact this guy and move on. If he really wants to talk to you, he will contact you. You deserve so much better.

Hope he never contacts you again. He isnt ready to settle down. He also was very disrespectful of the relationship right before he ended it again.

This actually happens a lot. people rush back into dating again only for the dumper to leave again.

Guy either wants what he can't/doesn't have or has commitment issues or BOTH.

Guarantee he will re-emerge again at some point, once he's gotten enough "space'" feeling lonely, needs attention, whatever.

Please don't allow this!

Best to block and delete so you won't be tempted, guys like this can really screw your head up, IF you allow it.

To soecify I am 23 and he is 24 years old! And another something I left out is that when we got back together we were back together for about 3 months until he left for Dallas.

When I first texted him asking if he’d met another woman he proceeded to ask me how I was doing, trying to make small talk. I told him I was good and had been apartment hunting and signed a lease to my own apartment (which was true). The small talk seemed pointless and I stopped responding. He also told me he understood my pain because he was not handling the breakup well, however this still did not change his decision.

I had hoped his returning to Illinois would bring back old memories of us (being in the bed we shared etc, seeing the closet of clothes I bought him, seeing the restaurants we used to go for dates to). He had promised nothing would change when he went to Dallas. In fact he said he got this new job for me so he could take care of us and we could get a nice place. Just lost and confused.

Never beg & plead with someone to be with you. He’s not worth giving up your dignity.

Hope he never contacts you again. He isnt ready to settle down. He also was very disrespectful of the relationship right before he ended it again.

 

This actually happens a lot. people rush back into dating again only for the dumper to leave again.

he said it was not a good day and he was in a bad mood. then it's up to him to contact you.

could you imagine saying this to someone and just going silent? not anything a normal person does...

I'm sorry he doesn't care. he went and had a party in Dallas and is feeling pretty good about himself. playboy.

you'll find someone else. you dumped him! and you were right to do it. that guy was the real him.

that super nice guy, was something he couldn't continue because that's not him.

we can all pretend to be whatever until we get what we want. then once we feel we have the power, our ego stroked, and don't need that anymore our true selves come out.

acknowledge you should not have taken him back, but had some good times.

I agree that he really did want what he couldn’t have. Thinking back, things that I thought were cute and funny at the time were actually kind of emotionally abusive. When I finally took him back he’d say things like “you can’t ever break up with me I’d like to see you try”. He would laugh and say “yeah, you can’t leave me. You WONT leave me.” It was like a turn on for him to know he had power over me. He and I made some provocative videos together and he would always say if we ever broke up and I met someone new he’d send them to my new boyfriend.

At the time I thought he was playing around but it was so often he’d say these things I became irritated. At least once a day he would say something like this, especially in bed together, it was like a fantasy for him to punish me for breaking up with him. Looking back, I wonder if the sting of rejection was all he was scared of. Maybe he never really loved me in the first place he just wanted power over me and when he felt he’d won, he didn’t care anymore. (sorry if this was too much info!)

When I finally took him back he’d say things like “you can’t ever break up with me I’d like to see you try”. He would laugh and say “yeah, you can’t leave me. You WONT leave me.” It was like a turn on for him to know he had power over me. He and I made some provocative videos together and he would always say if we ever broke up and I met someone new he’d send them to my new boyfriend.

At the time I thought he was playing around but it was so often he’d say these things I became irritated. At least once a day he would say something like this, especially in bed together

All of the above is plain weird and really not appropriate of him.

Perhaps you didn't want to see it at the time, but this a lot of red-flag behaviour.