Ex boyfriend broke up because he felt trapped

Hi

Me and my boyfriend were together for a year and a half, when he broke up with me, which shocked me alot. Before he broke up with me he was still all loving and we have seen each other everyday for most of our relationship. A lot of which he slept at my house.

The other night we had a small argument over text where he broke up with me saying it was because he is tired from the relationship. He also said work and the relationship just aren’t working at the moment.

The following day I replied saying I respect his decision and I finish him the best in the future. He said ‘ I love you and if you don’t mind, in the near future I would like to remain friends’

I said friends would hurt me too much but for closure, I asked for the honest reason for the break up. He said he honestly just felt trapped. He said which is really just his own issues but he got scared of being in a relationship and it made him feel trapped. He also said he knows the grass isn’t greener on the otherside and he has been really upset. The last thing he said was ‘so I have not left you to be with someone or because I like someone, I just want time by myself and that has cost me a lot’

We has a very strong connection on an emmotional level and to me this seems out of the blue. I am unsure on what to do, I love this guy a lot. Do you think he will come back?

Sorry to hear this happened. Did you ask him if there was someone else? What was the argument about? Did you have the same goals regarding commitment? Don't be friends. Just stay no contact and don't beg or plead or ask for more reasons why.

The other night we had a small argument over text where he broke up with me saying it was because he is tired from the relationship. He said which is really just his own issues but he got scared of being in a relationship and it made him feel trapped.

Hi Wiseman 2,

The last message he sent to me was that he knows the grass isn’t greener on the other side and he doesn’t want to be with someone else. He just wants to be by himself at the moment.

The argument was something really stupid, it was just that we hadn’t been to the gym with each other in a while. He said I was rude to his friend when I wasn’t which was weird but it wasn’t like a bas argument or anything.

It is actually really weird because he has been planning to get a house with me in the future and saying he is saving for one and stuff. Like it was him talking about the future not me.

I am not going to contact him for now and I don’t plan on being friends as that would never work for me.

Unfortunately it sounds like he was looking to leave for a while and simply picked a fight to get out. Obviously going to the gym had nothing to do with it. Why would he volunteer information about grass is greener etc, if you didn't press him for reasons?

The argument was something really stupid, it was just that we hadn’t been to the gym with each other in a while. He said I was rude to his friend when I wasn’t which was weird but it wasn’t like a bas argument or anything.

Oh I don’t think I am not being clear enough. I did ask him for a reason why we broke up and that’s when he said about the grass isn’t greener ect. He basically said he wants to be on his own because he feels trapped, but he still loves me but I am so confused about it all. He said it was an issue with himself and he is scared.

"Trapped and scared" indicates that he was not on board with moving things any further. What were your goals vs his? Moving in? Marriage? Kids? Why was he constantly at your place? Where is he living and why was no time spent there? Why did you spend every single day together for all this time with no breathers or time apart? It sounds a bit suffocating.

We both had plans to move in together in a few years and talked about a future. He gives with his mum and her husband (his step dad). He always came over mine because he wanted to spend time with me and he didn’t like his step dad. We went around his sometime but his parenrs never let us stay there so he stayed at mine. I never pressured him or anything. I often asked him to not come over because I was busy or needed time. I am just a bit confused with it all tbh

How old is he? It sounds like you dodged a bullet if he didn't even have his own place. Sadly it sounds you were a convenience, an escape and pseudo mom for him.

He lives with his mum and her husband (his step dad). He always came over mine because he didn’t like his step dad.

He is 19, nearly 20. He is saving tor a house. Thanks for your help. Not what I wanted to hear but probably but probably what I needed to hear. Others said he may be scared of commitment but who knows

He is 19, nearly 20. He is saving tor a house. Thanks for your help. Not what I wanted to hear but probably but probably what I needed to hear. Others said he may be scared of commitment but who knows

He is only 19?

It makes perfect sense that he would feel trapped by commitment at so young an age.

Let him go, he is neither emotionally prepared nor desirous of a committed long term relationship, at least right now.

Believe him when he says it's not another woman, but he needs to sew some oats before tying himself down.

And kudos to him for his honesty and being straight with you!

Sounds like a good guy, just not prepared or ready for commitment, which again makes sense given his age.

I'm sorry. (

When you say that the breakup was triggered by an insignificant fight over the gym, who initiated that argument, and who was upset about not enough time spent together there?

I initiated the argument, as I brought it up. I wasn’t upset we didn’t spend enough time together. I was upset that we wern’t going to the gym together anymore which was the thing we did together and became closer through it

I initiated the argument, as I brought it up. I wasn’t upset we didn’t spend enough time together. I was upset that we wern’t going to the gym together anymore which was the thing we did together and became closer through it

Sounds like ex wasn't blaming you for trapping him, but rather he felt trapped by a need to be accountable. He's at an age where flexing one's adult muscles for independence means freedom from accountability to others, and that's part of what's meant by enjoying young adulthood. Otherwise, we just leapfrog from being accountable to parents to being accountable to a lover. Explaining oneself is tiring, and defending against assumptions is a drag. Sure, it's behavior we all adopt once we're ready to settle into adult relationships, but at 19, it's premature.

Head high.

He's very young, and won't really be ready for a commitment for quite a while yet.

I don't think this is about you personally, OP, but rather the need many young people feel to be free and independent and not accountable to a partner.