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Sudden Lost of Hope, suicidal thoughts, giving up


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i spent the last 10+days of my breakup thinking there's still hope, thinking that the problems we had were external, thinking it was all a misunderstanding. After posting my issue on here last night, i realized, everything, everything that has happened was my fault and my fault only. i had caused everything. It was wrong that my past , people that have hurt me have caused me to become what i am today. I believe they have got good rewards from that and have a happy life now while i'm here, more than 10 years later, after being hurt by more 5 people and i continue to hurt myself and people who i want to love. my greatest fear of being alone for the rest of my life, i have to live with it, but i can't, it is too lonely, too painful. i had a wonderful boyfriend who cared deeply for me, yet because of one innocent lie he made, my insecurities surfaced and he ended it. It was all my fault. all mine. i couldn't wake up this morning, i thought, let me go back to sleep and let life end here. how nice that would be? away from pain , away from life. I'm so tired.

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OP, please contact your family or a close friend and tell them you are having suicidal thoughts.

 

I know the pain seems overwhelming now, but this is a serious cry for help. Open up to a trusted person so they can point in the right direction of a qualified, compassionate professional who can give you the help you very clearly need in coping.

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Don't give up on your life because someone else isn't in it.

 

It hurts now but you can get through this. The pain of a break is excruciating. I know.... I had two major ones in 4 years. My 15 year marriage and then my very serious love 2 years later. I wanted to die.

 

Don't give up. Try to remember that you can have a life without this person in it. Just keep seeking healing and please talk to someone, a friend, a therapist. Reach out for help.

 

Sending you light and life and hugs.

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We always blame ourselves for a break up. You are likely minimizing his "lie" now. No one wants to be lied to. I hope you have someone to talk to - a friend, a family member. If not, consider a suicide hotline and therapy. Life can make us very sad. As I type this I am in a sad moment in my relationship as well. Know that things will change. Work on your issues with a therapist, if you aren't already. Know you are loved and valued, it's just hard to see that right now.

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i spent the last 10+days of my breakup thinking there's still hope, thinking that the problems we had were external, thinking it was all a misunderstanding. After posting my issue on here last night, i realized, everything, everything that has happened was my fault and my fault only. i had caused everything. It was wrong that my past , people that have hurt me have caused me to become what i am today. I believe they have got good rewards from that and have a happy life now while i'm here, more than 10 years later, after being hurt by more 5 people and i continue to hurt myself and people who i want to love. my greatest fear of being alone for the rest of my life, i have to live with it, but i can't, it is too lonely, too painful. i had a wonderful boyfriend who cared deeply for me, yet because of one innocent lie he made, my insecurities surfaced and he ended it. It was all my fault. all mine. i couldn't wake up this morning, i thought, let me go back to sleep and let life end here. how nice that would be? away from pain , away from life. I'm so tired.

 

I don't usually respond to comments (though do read a lot) on here. Simply because I don't feel in a position to offer advice.

 

However, I have experienced several break ups. Some I wasn't too fussed about, and 1 I felt like the world had ended and I just wanted to stop feeling the way I did. May I therefore offer some advice based off my past experiences? It does get better. It really does. You just have to ride it out. And once you come out at the other side, you're not quite as easily hurt/broken the next time. I promise, time does heal. And while you may never fully get over him, and you may always feel hurt or sadness when you hear his name, those feelings are short lasting and you crack on with your day.

 

It took me months of feeling utterly utterly depressed after my first heart-wrenching break up to crack a smile. Everything was grey, everything was depressing and I just didn't want to see or speak to anyone. I gradually accepted it, felt better, then met someone else. That didn't work out, and I met someone else, and that didn't work out. But what was cool about the following break-ups was that while I was very fond of them, I knew that 1) there were other fish in the sea; and 2) because I was able to deal with the break ups much better and get on with it, they both contacted me and attempted to rekindle (I declined both). Not everyone you meet is destined to be your life-long partner, and once you accept that, it makes this whole ride a lot easier to deal with. Most recently I lost a girlfriend who I was adamant was 'the one'. It seemed she felt it too. We were buying a place together, marriage and children. We had this future mapped out. However, like you say above, I made some mistakes and unfortunately it ended. Do I feel gutted nearly 2 months later? Yes, of course I do, I'm devastated. Do I try and avoid talking about her when possible? Yes. But this time, rather than wallowing in self pity, I picked myself up and got on with it just like the previous 2. I made further positive changes to myself. Not so much in the hope I'd win her back (I hope maybe one day I will), but rather to further develop my own sense of self-worth. You see, from where I am, this appears to be your issue. You don't have any? You feel all happiness is external and must be given to you by another party. Develop yourself. Find some new hobbies. Become a bad ass. Know your worth. And I assure you, this is the most attractive trait in anyone. Someone who knows their worth, is confident in themselves (not cocky!), and gets on with it not giving a damn about trying to impress anyone is very very sexy.

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i spent the last 10+days of my breakup thinking there's still hope, thinking that the problems we had were external, thinking it was all a misunderstanding. After posting my issue on here last night, i realized, everything, everything that has happened was my fault and my fault only. i had caused everything. It was wrong that my past , people that have hurt me have caused me to become what i am today. I believe they have got good rewards from that and have a happy life now while i'm here, more than 10 years later, after being hurt by more 5 people and i continue to hurt myself and people who i want to love. my greatest fear of being alone for the rest of my life, i have to live with it, but i can't, it is too lonely, too painful. i had a wonderful boyfriend who cared deeply for me, yet because of one innocent lie he made, my insecurities surfaced and he ended it. It was all my fault. all mine. i couldn't wake up this morning, i thought, let me go back to sleep and let life end here. how nice that would be? away from pain , away from life. I'm so tired.

 

Please don't give up. I obviously don't know you or your situation BUT I have been there. 6 years ago I went through the worst breakup of my life. I loved her more than anyone but like most couples, we had our fair share of problems. We broke and and the months to follow were the worst of my entire life. I cried and screamed all the time.Almost lost my job. I stopped eating/taking care of myself. My apartment was littered with trash (couldn't see the floors), I got addicted to sleeping pills and alcohol. And thought about killing myself constantly. The pain was just too great. But I am here to tell you it does get better. 6 years later that ex is married with a kid on the way and when I see pictures I don't feel a damn thing.

 

It took a lot for me to get out of that hole but I took baby steps. I got a personal trainer, I gave up drinking, I forced myself to eat twice a day,take vitamins, journaling I started going to Meetups, I moved to a different city, I read self help books etc. etc. . At the time, none of those things helped me right then and there but combined together...I slowly and eventually got over it. At some point you'l realize that no person should have that type of control over you especially when they're not in your lives anymore. They are not worth it.

 

And I also have to say this (and I hate doing so) but you need to hear it. A lot of time what we miss in another person is just our biggest insecurities/fears shining through. I could be wrong but I sense this is more about you not wanting to be alone/low self esteem than it is about him. Terrifying thought...I am wrestling with the same thing. But what I can tell you is that when you truly believe how wonderful/unique you are (which you are), you won't care about this guy or the people that you make you feel this way. There are people in your life that love you still and there are more to come! They will be attracted to your good qualities and will embrace the bad (as you do and will them). They won't give up on you. Don't give him the satisfaction and starting sharing yourself with the world. Life is short...be happy that he came into your life and learn about yourself and move on. As long as you become stronger for it, it was all worth it in the end.

 

And we all have in securities. It's what makes us, us. I've never met one person on this earth that didn't have a bad quality that they didn't like about themselves or others didn't like about them. Just how it is. If it's bugging you that bad, then see a therapist and start working through it. No one is perfect...we're all just imperfect humans and that's ok.

 

Baby steps....if you can't handle the pain, please call a loved one or 911. We are here for you and please message me or post here any time!

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....yet because of one innocent lie he made, my insecurities surfaced and he ended it. It was all my fault. all mine..

Well maybe you could reflect on 'why' your insecurities surfaced. Something he did obviously triggered it, so it wasn't 'all' your fault then was it...?

 

BTW: What is an 'innocent lie'...??

 

As for suicidal thoughts, take it from me, suicide is neither painless nor easy.....And you run the risk of serious health problems if you fail.

 

Only 1 in 30 attempts is successful and my birth father spends his life in a wheelchair now after his failed attempt....

 

Now, consider that you can always kill yourself tomorrow. You are dead a long time so keep it as a fallback plan and delay it a few days and see what you can do to just get through today, the next hour, the next 10 minutes. And then do the same tomorrow...Usually it will pass....

 

I have also come to learn that a breakup leading to suicidal thoughts is tapping into deeper wounds and beliefs...It's not just about the other person otherwise everyone would react the same to a breakup...and they obviously don't....Abandonment and Attachment trauma are usually the biggest culprits of deeper wounds that have been opened..

 

Try to drink water and eat what you can. Getting out of bed is hard but force it if you can. Do you need to go to the toilet or go to work...? These will force you out of bed...

 

Do not listen to anyone that says "Just snap out of it!" or "Don't be depressed. Be happy!" or 'Don't do anything 'silly'.." etc....If it were that easy we'd all just do that and every counselor in the world would be out of business....

 

I'm so sorry for your pain. But please know you are not alone right now. I'm holding you*

 

Carus*

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Well maybe you could reflect on 'why' your insecurities surfaced. Something he did obviously triggered it, so it wasn't 'all' your fault then was it...?

 

BTW: What is an 'innocent lie'...??

 

As for suicidal thoughts, take it from me, suicide is neither painless nor easy.....And you run the risk of serious health problems if you fail.

 

Only 1 in 30 attempts is successful and my birth father spends his life in a wheelchair now after his failed attempt....

 

Now, consider that you can always kill yourself tomorrow. You are dead a long time so keep it as a fallback plan and delay it a few days and see what you can do to just get through today, the next hour, the next 10 minutes. And then do the same tomorrow...Usually it will pass....

 

I have also come to learn that a breakup leading to suicidal thoughts is tapping into deeper wounds and beliefs...It's not just about the other person otherwise everyone would react the same to a breakup...and they obviously don't....Abandonment and Attachment trauma are usually the biggest culprits of deeper wounds that have been opened..

 

Try to drink water and eat what you can. Getting out of bed is hard but force it if you can. Do you need to go to the toilet or go to work...? These will force you out of bed...

 

Do not listen to anyone that says "Just snap out of it!" or "Don't be depressed. Be happy!" or 'Don't do anything 'silly'.." etc....If it were that easy we'd all just do that and every counselor in the world would be out of business....

 

I'm so sorry for your pain. But please know you are not alone right now. I'm holding you*

 

Carus*

 

Excellent post especially the bold

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i spent the last 10+days of my breakup thinking there's still hope, thinking that the problems we had were external, thinking it was all a misunderstanding. After posting my issue on here last night, i realized, everything, everything that has happened was my fault and my fault only. i had caused everything. It was wrong that my past , people that have hurt me have caused me to become what i am today. I believe they have got good rewards from that and have a happy life now while i'm here, more than 10 years later, after being hurt by more 5 people and i continue to hurt myself and people who i want to love. my greatest fear of being alone for the rest of my life, i have to live with it, but i can't, it is too lonely, too painful. i had a wonderful boyfriend who cared deeply for me, yet because of one innocent lie he made, my insecurities surfaced and he ended it. It was all my fault. all mine. i couldn't wake up this morning, i thought, let me go back to sleep and let life end here. how nice that would be? away from pain , away from life. I'm so tired.

 

I was having similar thoughts a few days ago. Today I'm staying at my sisters house with her family and feeling much better. Believe it or not, it's not the end of the world, only a setback.

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