Paralyzed with Anxiety

My ex broke NC in person yesterday and then through text message last night. She throws out scraps like she was considering reuniting but really likes this new guy she's seeing and that she has "always been a person who does everything for other people" but "now needs to do something for herself"... A month and a half ago she was begging me to marry her.

I had a difficult time sleeping last night and just tossed and turned after 3am. Just getting my daughter off to school was a chore. It's hard to act happy when inside you're body is numb with anxiety.

So I drove her to school and now I'm home. The weather is miserable, pouring rain outside and the power has flickered a few time as it might go out.

I'm paralyzed with fear with everything from jealousy, anger, remorse, sadness to worry.

I know bed is not what most people recommend for healing, but sleep to me often makes the pain go away for a few hours.

I'm dropping pounds pretty quickly because I haven't ate much this week. A couple bananas and water. I am a drinker but I've had no interest in booze this week. A 12 pack of some really good IPA has sat untouched in the fridge all week.

Thanks for listening to me whine, I know I need to get up and do some things but right now sleep seems so much easier and more rewarding.

Hello,

I am sorry that this has happened to you. From what you said , she doesn't sound like a very reliable person...especially when it comes to investing feelings. Why don't you do the same and do something for yourself like she did.

Keep her out of your life...to keep your troubles away.

Block her number

Sleep is fine but drinking is a depressant. Please stay off that for as long as possible.

Block her number but ask her for NC first and to respect your wishes.

Sorry to hear that you are struggling so. Sounds like your ex is trying to save you as a backup while she explores other options. This woman may care for you but she is selfish and undecided about you, and may feel like can do better than you. You are hurting deeply and she's out whoring around and youre struggling to make it through the day. Block her and cut her off completely. If she knows she has you as a safety net, she will play around on you indefinitely. I know this game all too well. Give her a reality check and make her develop a new level of respect for you. We do NOT respect men that allow themselves to be safety nets. It's not a dominant quality. Your absence from her life on all levels will 1)make her realize she either wants to be with you or 2) make her realize she not that into you and she will leave you alone completely. Either way, this will allow you to heal and move forward so that you can have the peace and mind and eventually meet the special woman that you desire and deserve to have in your life. Good luck.

thank you all

The anxiety and wanting to sleep is pretty normal. Of course not giving into any of it is whats recommended but sometimes just accepting that it's a normal phase to pass through makes is somewhat less difficult. Just roll with it and take baby steps on moving forward.

Getting frustrated that you are where you are is somewhat like fighting quicksand.

You make it that much harder on yourself because you can't will it away or you think you could do better.

Just accept some days will be worse than others and by all means, block the girl!

Every time she contacts you it sets you back.

I don't know about you, but getting to the other side never comes fast enough.

Don't make it harder than it needs to be.

Hang in there

I know this isn’t what’s recommended but I love a good IPA. Look at my other posts. I’m going through the same shi*. I’ve been in this cycle for a min. I just finally went NC except for email due to having kids. What the other poster said about safety net is true. Don’t be that guy. I was and it’s worthless. This part is true though, if you have email, do that. If she wants to play games, make the rules. Don’t text, don’t call. It’s all gonna mess you up.

There’s those times when you are so mind fu*cked you don’t know what to do. Thinking about her, wondering about her, just crazy mind games. Just tell yourself that your thoughts are in a destructive loop, think in your mind to stop it, stop the destructive mind cycle. It works to a degree.

When you get to a low low low point like your mind is just going n nuts, fight it with everything you got. DO ANYTHING. Make it through the day. That means having one to many IPA. Fk it bro. Keep from calling or texting, do anything. Like I said go email. Don’t send , receive. They will contact, trust me, go no contact it’s fks them up. Then stay ghost. Cut the bit** off. Just do it.

Get through two weeks NC. See how you feel. It’s night and day. It’s easy to play text and call games. You could play that all year. Don’t waste your life.

Like one poster said, watch how many problems fix themselves without doing anything. It hurts like fkn hell , it’ll make you hit your knees, but stay strong.

You got this. Keep your head up. Stay strong. We’re here for you bro

Also I saw you wrote this on another thread.

“I'm no expert at this but I think were supposed to stay NC. I broke down last night and sent a barrage of texts, I don't think it did anything other than alert the authorities that they have a suicidal lunatic to watch out for.”

Bro I almost went to jail for showing up at my ex place wanting to beat the h*ll out of her new fk buddy. Yes I’m that guy. Granted this was long ago but still. SHE AINT WORTH IT. I say it again, she’s not worth it.

My ex broke NC in person yesterday and then through text message last night. She throws out scraps like she was considering reuniting but really likes this new guy she's seeing and that she has "always been a person who does everything for other people" but "now needs to do something for herself"... A month and a half ago she was begging me to marry her.

 

I had a difficult time sleeping last night and just tossed and turned after 3am. Just getting my daughter off to school was a chore. It's hard to act happy when inside you're body is numb with anxiety.

 

So I drove her to school and now I'm home. The weather is miserable, pouring rain outside and the power has flickered a few time as it might go out.

 

I'm paralyzed with fear with everything from jealousy, anger, remorse, sadness to worry.

 

I know bed is not what most people recommend for healing, but sleep to me often makes the pain go away for a few hours.

 

I'm dropping pounds pretty quickly because I haven't ate much this week. A couple bananas and water. I am a drinker but I've had no interest in booze this week. A 12 pack of some really good IPA has sat untouched in the fridge all week.

 

Thanks for listening to me whine, I know I need to get up and do some things but right now sleep seems so much easier and more rewarding.

We're here for you. Talk to us. What kind of person would play with your mind and heart like that?! I'm sure she has her good qualities but she definitely doesn't have your interests at heart. I know it doesn't seem like it but you're dodging a bullet right now.

Please do me a favor and continue staying away from the booze. It'll be great for a few hours and then you'll spiral downhill even more.

And if you're not fueling your body and mind, it's no wonder you're feeling the way you are. Depression is a rabbit hole. I know it sucks (trust me, I'm there with you) but you need to force yourself to go to the gym and and eat 2-3 times a day. Also take multi-vitamins and go for walks out in the sun (Pro tip: Wear sunglasses so you can hide your non-stop sobbing...Trust me on this). You need to take tiny steps to take care of yourself, it'll help. We need you at your best so you can find the person you're meant to be with and not have to deal with the BS she is putting you through!

Ok so listen. My ex email me tonight ( she need a 100$ on a Friday ?? ) not on child support nothing. Hmmmmm let me guess why she need that money ?? To go out with her new bf ?!? F*k that. Let her send me some stupid sh*t like fk that. Bro be smarter.

It’ll get down to money . Cut her off. All that. I’ll send her money on a Monday, but don’t tell me you need money on a Friday. If you wan go get stupid with your bf, you ain’t doin it on my dime.

Get smart. These females choosing. Don’t fall to there games. She wan put me on child support do it, but I provide EVERYTHING for my kids. Not no fun Friday nights.

Know these hoe**s . It’s cut throat out here. You can find another, just the same. Nobody irreplaceable

Also enjoy a good IPA. But don’t text don’t call . Like Robert dinero says “ it’s the discipline “ don’t be weak. Don’t be a weak dude. Have strength. Know that she losing. Look at it this way. Many girls can spread they legs. Ooooooooo well. They weak. Keep your composure. Say ok that’s fine, look at what I can do. Then boooooooom. They feeling stupid.

Trust me, the girl you had/got is nothing. She’s the one losing not you, just find some pu**y that better. It’s all the same without a face.

Your good bro. Stop

Stumbling on something so small.

LMAO! Awweee snnapp! Preach it reverend Red88! You get it

Thank you one and all, my divorce three years ago threw me down a hole I have not yet been able to get out of. I let the first girl I met after that move in with me just months after our separation, she's been in my life for three years. She's the one who just dumped me, so I've got two women who have abandoned me in the last three years. I let this depression ruin my life, put my life on hold and damage my health.

There were certainly outside factors that sent me in this direction - but only I can get myself out of it. Sleeping all day and anti-depressants aren't going to save me.

I have tried a number of things to date with limited success. Anti depressants - I've been on five different meds over 3 years. I did not notice a difference on any of them. I just started back on Lexipro, I know it's not going to make a big difference but may help in combination with other things.

I have spent time with two therapists. Neither made much difference, I get just as much sharing here as I did driving half an hour to an office and shelling out $100 an hour.

I have tried to work out on and off but have found it difficult to stick to a plan. This week I've been on the treadmill every day for about 40 minutes, I'm going to start walking and riding my bike at a local park.

In the past I have Drank too much. I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic (I had a therapist tell me I wasn't) but I do drink often and actually even brew my own beer 5 gallons at a time. I rarely drink to the point where I feel drunk but I have been drinking since I was 17 and I'm now almost 48. I rarely drink the hard stuff. If there's not booze in the house I can easily go a week or two without it, but if it's there I usually drink it. Even with 5 gallons of beer in my fridge I've stayed away from it this week and I'm at my sisters house for the weekend which is booze free.

i have some anger issues, when people argue with me I can say mean things that I don't mean.

Since the divorce I've been lazy, but I also came down with a heart condition that made me take it easy.

I mentioned I'm over weight but the last month has eaten away a lot of that flab. I'm a tall guy at 6'2" at my heaviest I was 280lbs, now I'm down to 250 and a realistic healthy weight would be around 225 lb Which means I only has 25 lbs to go.

The IRS back taxes suck. $40,000. I'm on a payment plan but at his rate it will be years.

I'm caught up on my current child support payments so I won't be sent back to jail, but I owe nearly $25,000 in falsely calculated "retroactive support" from while my kids and wife were still living with me. Doesn't matter weather I agree with it or not, I guess I owe it.

Right now I don't have a nice car and I'm a sales person (Realtor) I own 2 old work vans, a rusty jeep and an old Porsche 944 that needs engine work. Not one of these vehicles is worth anything or pretty enough to be a real estate agents vehicle.

My current job is fixing a flip house with about $15,000 in profit and I'm 2 months away from finishing the work, I run a small real estate team of two agents, three if you include myself. I used to be our prime sales person but have only sold a few homes since the divorce. My team brings in about $2500 a month for me as income so I don't have to work much if I can live on close to nothing.

I need to get back out there and start listing and selling again.

One of my team members made $160,000 last year the other made around $60,000. I made around $35,000 without doing anything in Real Estate and another $30,000 flipping homes.

Some of the reason I was not working as much was to keep the child support payments low. The ex wife and I have been playing the game "Who can make less money" Although before the divorce we were both capable of making over $100K a year. I wish she would just go back to work and quit trying to milk me.

I need to get my balls back and remember I am a man,

So there we go, I know what I have to do, I just need to get the balls to do it.

I have to get out of bed every morning, go for a long walk, get back to the office, list and sell some homes and come up with a new mission/purpose/reason to be alive. Much easier to say than do because I know in 10 minutes I'll just be missing the girlfriend again.

It's so much easier to talk a good game than perform it.