Pain at work

Last year, I made the biggest mistake of my life and had an affair with a woman at work. A few months ago we ended it and confessed to our spouses, who forgave us. We both continue to work our respective marriages.

However, I’m feeling incredibly jealous at work. Our office is small - 25 people, split between 2 locations. She is in the other office, miles away (she comes down to our office once a month).

I used to be the one that she would email... send pictures to... share secrets. Now, she’s doing all of that with another guy at work. I know this because we share a desk, or sit together in meetings. I don’t intentionally look, but I’ll seeing messages in his inbox from her. She calls him “cutie”, he calls her “beautiful”. She sent a selfie of herself to him that she later used as her profile picture on Facebook. They’ve become close.

I can’t get past the fact that I used to be the guy she did all of that with. Even though I have no romantic interest, it hurts... a lot. And I miss our friendship more than anything. She will joke around with people at work, but with me with it’s cold and all business.

It’s too much to handle.

Do I think something is going on with her and this other guy at work? I don’t know. I don’t think so as he’s in a committed relationship and she said that she is 100% committed to her husband.

How do I let go of this?

Please help.

Time to find a job some place else.

Hold on - so is she still married and trying to have yet another affair? With another guy who is in a "committed" relationship? Who is this woman? Good for her for not having a conscience and having the gall to have affairs with people in the workplace and getting away with it, but as for you, just stay away from her, be glad you are no longer in that situation, and be happy that your poor wife/girlfriend forgave you. You are lucky to have a nice forgiving person to go home to. And don't do it again.

I used to be the one that she would email... send pictures to... share secrets. Now, she’s doing all of that with another guy at work.

So she's 100% committed to her husband, but is working her way round other guys in the office with saucy messages and selfies? What a catch!

Poor guy.

Just thank your lucky stars that your lady took you back after all that. How do you think the one you used to 'share secrets' with would have treated you once she'd got bored?

As Seraphim says, time to get a new job.

Put your effort and attention into your marriage, not outside of it.

Just keep saying to yourself: "She's the office floozy and now it's his turn". It's fortunate you got out of this. Next time she may cry harassment and the next dude up on her rotation will get fired.

What's going on at home? No sex? You supposedly confessed to your wife? What's with the ongoing obsession and stalking this work tart?

had an affair with a woman at work. Now, she’s doing all of that with another guy at work.