How to Stop Constantly Doubting Myself

I am a shy person. I’m interested in someone, but I’m not sure if he likes me back or not. Sometimes I think he might, but he can come off as being a bit aloof; he’s hard to read. Anyway, I find myself being very nervous whenever I talk to him and I’m always saying “stupid” things. Or at least I feel like I’m saying stupid things... I’m constantly overanalyzing and/or regretting things I say. I’m always thinking things like, “Oh that sounded like I was gossiping about someone. I don’t want him to think I talk about people behind their backs!” Or, “Wow that comment sounded so selfish. He’s going to think I’m a total snob.” It just feels like everything I say is the wrong thing.

I’m sure that I’m thinking about what I’m saying way more than he is. Trust me, I’m very aware! But I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m saying the wrong things. I guess my question is how can I calm down and stop being such a spazz all the time? The constant self-doubt and questioning is draining.

I hear ya.

Have you ever noticed that a lot of people say that the people they like don’t like them back and that the people they are not interested in pursue them like crazy? Not to add more pressure... lol... but I think it’s because of this.

When we like someone, we analyze every little thing they say and do and every little thing we say and do. I’m sure it lets off a nervous vibe and those vibes are contagious and put people on edge. Similarly, when you don’t care, it’s super easy to be yourself because you aren’t trying to impress anyone. That laid-back vibe is also contagious and attractive.

I think you just need to find a way to tell yourself not to care. The less you care and worry about impressing him, the more attractive you will likely to be.

But yeah, it’s hard. For everyone. Not just us shy people. Lol!

Well, guys sometimes find spazzy girls charming. And once you get to know him, you'll calm down. You need to go on a few dates. Why don't you ask him out to a Starbucks, or an event, or the movies and get to know him better. He might be as shy as you are and is just looking for an opening too.

I am a shy person. I’m interested in someone, but I’m not sure if he likes me back or not. Sometimes I think he might, but he can come off as being a bit aloof; he’s hard to read. Anyway, I find myself being very nervous whenever I talk to him and I’m always saying “stupid” things. Or at least I feel like I’m saying stupid things... I’m constantly overanalyzing and/or regretting things I say. I’m always thinking things like, “Oh that sounded like I was gossiping about someone. I don’t want him to think I talk about people behind their backs!” Or, “Wow that comment sounded so selfish. He’s going to think I’m a total snob.” It just feels like everything I say is the wrong thing.

 

I’m sure that I’m thinking about what I’m saying way more than he is. Trust me, I’m very aware! But I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m saying the wrong things. I guess my question is how can I calm down and stop being such a spazz all the time? The constant self-doubt and questioning is draining.

How do you think and behave in a non-relationship type situation?

I could've written this a few years back. You might be lacking self confidence, even if you might think you are not. If so, you need to start seeing yourself and the world from your point of view rather than relying on how other people see you. If someone finds something you say stupid,well, it's their problem, even if you're crushing over the guy. I know, it doesn't make it easier when you're interested in someone, but I do think that this is the case. If he thinks you're gossiping when you're not, than again, his problem; the reason he might think you're gossiping when you aren't could vary, but it really isn't your problem. So just be yourself, have faith in your character and your beliefs and whoever "gets you", gets you. Therapy helped me A LOT unraveling things like this.

Don't change who you are for somebody. It will never work.

Be yourself. It's your world. Don't second guess yourself because this is the first time you've lived this life and are yourself. Forgive and just be!

Is this the same coworker you have a crush on?: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=547838&p=6966107&viewfull=1#post6966107

Thanks for this; you’re right about the not caring thing.

Thank you for that, @Cope. Honestly, I have considered some kind of therapy. I am 27 years old and I feel like my social issues aren’t normal.

In non-relationship situations, I don’t overthink quite as much, but I find myself stuttering a lot and tripping over my words.

It sounds like the anxiety is already there, and that the crush intensifies things.

This is an interesting point, and probably sound advice.

If so, you need to start seeing yourself and the world from your point of view rather than relying on how other people see you.

You could start in small situations, that you are most comfortable in. Therapy could help you work through this nervousness in a structured way.

Yes the anxiety is definitely always there.

Thank you. That is good advice.