Can anyone offer there view and thoughts on my relationship status

Hello,

I am a middle aged family man, i have children and a female partner i have been with for 15 years. My relationship with my woman was always strong and felt like we could weather almost anything and come out the other side. Couple of years back my partner started acting strange, she would come home from work and seem quiet and distant. Her attitude towards myself started to change, she became aware of all my minor imperfections & faults that never bothered her before. She would spend a lot of the time on her phone, playing games and didn't speak much. One minute it's like she was my partner, the day after she could be distant with me all over again, in the end i flat out asked her was it me she had a problem with and she said no. I asked her was there someone else and she said no. Her sudden personality change really started to get me down as she would not admit something was up, or give me any answers. I logged into her GPS and noticed she was in another area from were we live, i asked her about this and she denied being there. There is a coworker of my partners that seemed to act smiley & smug when driving past me when i picked my partner up or dropped her at work. Last year i logged into my partners shopping account and i found 2 items mp3 player and something else purchased, and delivered to her coworkers address. Due to the constant gut feeling i have in my stomach that something is wrong i pulled my partner up again, i flat out asked her is she seeing her coworker behined my back - she replied no. My daughter came to me concerned explaining a phone case was in my partners underwear draw that would not fit any phones in our home, this case turned out to be for her coworker. At this point i lost my temper and drove up to her work and fuming for an explanation, my partner told me she was just doing her coworker a favour because his bank account had been hacked so he could not order his own phone case. I asked her well why was it in your underwear draw! I also asked well how come half a year ago the was items ordered and sent to this mans address, she again responded with i was doing him a favour - i said well he has a wife, why couldn't she order his case. In the end i asked my partner to switch from night shifts, to day shifts as i did not trust her with this coworker. She switched to days yet her and her coworker cross paths when starting and leaving a shift, the first time this happened my partner looked really upset and i said you look like you seen a ghost, i really got the sense this was because she was not in work on the night shift!

The other day i was picking my partner up from her day shift and the coworker was driving in to the car park to start his night, he looked over at me in a shocked kind of way when he spotted me. Few months before i was in the same carpark talking to my partner and this coworker was glaring at us both before he entered the building, i asked my partner who the hell is he he glaring at and she said oh i didn't seem him.

My partner can get up and sharpen herself up for a school run and come back 3 hours later. She can just like this morning, come home distant, giving me the odd sly look here and there, seeming bothered or very quiet flushed almost. I asked her what was wrong and she said YET AGAIN nothing is wrong, her personality is usually like this for the day once it starts! See this ex-coworker of hers finished his shift this morning same time as the school run so i cannot help but wonder..

Since all this has started our sex life is none existant, in fact the last time we had sex was three months ago. I have sat her down and explaining the lack of intimacy is getting me down and i feel rejected and sex starved - she has put zero effort in place following numerous sit downs and talks!

One of my freinds was doing some work on her ex-coworkers house, and he said to my freind - So how do you now - i will use the name Kelly, and my freind replied i am good freinds with her partner and the coworker replied YE and smirked while walking away. My freind called me up and told me he found what the ex-coworker said to be a bit strange!

My partner knows i am stressed with all this but she is happy just watching the TV despite she said we will talk later. This situation is effecting my mental health as i don't no were i stand. I have asked why everything seems to point to infidelity and she just says it's not true!

I feel so fed up with this i have no words to describe the level of stress and frustration..

Any help and advice would be amazing, and much appreciated.

Thank you

You may not have blatant evidence she is cheating, but you do have evidence that she is being shady and hiding things from you, and that her behavior has changed.

Don't accuse her of anything you don't already know about... but point out what you are observing, the behaviors that are hurting you, and let her know you aren't okay with that behavior in your relationship anymore. She will either do something about it or use it as an excuse to walk away.

It's a risk I understand... I took that risk a few years ago with my ex and said... either we work on our relationship together or I walk away... he didn't want to work on it... so I walked away. We were together for 15 years like you were. It was a very difficult decision and I was devastated but at the same time, I felt enormous relief not to be in that situation anymore.

Thank you for the advise. I have offered to split up with her, but she refuses to part ways, i have sat down and talked things over with her but she just repeats nothing is the matter. I will move on in time if this continues ;)

I welcome more responses please, thanks :)

Well...you do know you don't need her permission to end the relationship right? You're not going to get any answers out of her, and your threats of leaving are toothless. What are you willing to do to for peace of mind?

Hmm, that’s interesting that she doesn’t want to break things off. She is being rather shady and keeping some sort of secret. Do you want to end it with her? If so, end it. If not, then if you can live with this situation, live with it, but know that if it’s not her sending presents to another man, it’ll be something else and you’ll always be questioning her. I hope this helps.

She's pretty happy with the status quo, because you must provide her with stability. She is obviously cheating and has been cheating for a long time =/. I'd be filing for a divorce.

I think everything you wrote is very telling.

She is not in your marriage anymore, she has become a roommate who has a boyfriend on the side.

Hmm, that’s interesting that she doesn’t want to break things off

I'd assume she's not wanting to break things off because they have a daughter together and who knows if the bf wants anything more than just an affair.

I'd assume she's not wanting to break things off because they have a daughter together and who knows if the bf wants anything more than just an affair.

This. It's not strange at all for a wayward partner to not be interested in ending their relationship under these circumstances.

OP, you know she isn't being honest with you. Do you have access to phone records? That might give you a better idea of how much they are communicating. But really, you already know something is definitely wrong with this picture and she has checked out of your relationship.

I would tell her, in no uncertain terms, that unless she wants to make an concerted effort to repair the relationship, there will be no choice but to separate. You could also consult an attorney to get a better sense of what your (and her) rights and obligations are in the event of a split. She doesn't take you seriously now, but she might if she knows that you are serious about ending it if nothing changes.

I wouldn't need evidence. She's not communicating nor is she honest with you.

It takes 2 to make it work and she isn't.

You don't need her permission to split. Make her leave or leave yourself. Time away changes people. You need the truth.

Sadly, with everything you've described, I wouldn't call it shady, I'd say she is very much cheating. If you need concrete proof so you are more certain and comfortable making decisions for yourself, then go ahead and hire a PI. Get the information that you need to proceed forward and make decisions instead of sitting around talking, wondering, and feeling awful about how things are.

When people cheat, they aren't going to come out and admit it to you. If you press them because it's kind of obvious that they are doing it - they'll make you feel bad, like you are crazy, imagining things, nothing is wrong, you need to back off and stop making up fights, etc, etc, etc. Except that you are not. However, unless you can put clear evidence under their nose, the lies won't stop and even then, they'll try to squirm out any way possible. The difference is that you at least KNOW the truth and know you aren't crazy or imagining things.