I Can't Accept It

Please refer to my last post.

In a nutshell, I found my bf om a dating app. He denied it and I gave him the option to be honest or leave me alone. He chose to leave me alone.

I haven't heard from him and I haven't text or called him since Tuesday evening.

As hurt as I am by my discovery, I'm even more hurt at the fact that the reality I was living in wasnt real. That the future I had envisioned will not come to be.

I'm struggling today. Part of me wants him to snap out of this and realize I'm the one for him and have him fully commit to me. But, I know that's very unlikely to happen. And if it did, I'm not sure it would be enough to make me feel secure enough to be with him.

I still love the man I thought he was...this is torture. I'm writing here so I won't contact him.

Obviously he doesn't feel the same way about you as you do for him. Sorry. We've all been there. Of course, if you were snooping on him, you felt there was something wrong with the relationship. So at least you know now rather than later.

Hang in there and keep writing away.

You already know that by contacting him you lose any credibility. By the looks of things you have no choice here but to keep moving forward.

I can only imagine how devastating it must be.

One foot in front of the other.

do you have any friends or family you can lean on for the time being?

Wait, so you were dating a few days ago and now your not? How long were you together?

He seemed to have trouble coming to visit me and sticking to plans. He was out of state for a week for work and was supposed to come see me when he got back and flaked on me the whole day. Kept saying he was coming but has things to do and would head over soon. And he's been doing that a lot, lately. I guess it set my alarm off.

^^From your previous post.

Not only would this set alarms for me, I would have have ended it here.

The single most important quality I look for in someone is consistency. The moment things get weird, I am out.

Be grateful for your intuition and hang onto that. It guided you like it's supposed to. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some much do credit.

Good job on not writing him! He was on a freaking dating app?! That is just wrong. Not to mention he didn't have enough respect for you to explain himself; just left. Your'e better off without him and good job on staying strong enough to not contact him!!!

Sorry this happened. Good you are staying no contact and realize it was a sham. Now you're free to be on dating apps and start talking to and meeting men who want the same things you do.

I still love the man I thought he was...this is torture.

Wait, so you were dating a few days ago and now your not? How long were you together?

We were together nearly 9 months.

I have my mom to call when I'm really feeling low. I'm just trying to keep to my normal routine and keep my mind busy.

It's so hard, though. Everything reminds me of him.

The hardest part is that I not only lost him, I also lost his children whom ive grown attached to. I guess I shouldn't have allowed myself to so soon, but I honestly thought he was genuine. Just a bit flaky. I guess I was in denial.

I go back and forth wondering if he's really lying. Doubting myself, I guess. I mean, it has to be him on there. And even if it wasn't, if he cared, he would have contacted the site and has the acct removed and shown me.

He would have tried to keep me....not just walk away.....

I go back and forth wondering if he's really lying. Doubting myself, I guess. I mean, it has to be him on there. And even if it wasn't, if he cared, he would have contacted the site and has the acct removed and shown me.

 

He would have tried to keep me....not just walk away.....

If you need to hear it. .then hear it is ~

If he cared he wouldn't risk losing you and he'd be on your doorstep fighting for the relationship.

I am sorry. Don't second guess yourself.

If you need to hear it. .then hear it is ~

If he cared he wouldn't risk losing you and he'd be on your doorstep fighting for the relationship.

I am sorry. Don't second guess yourself.

I know this is true. And I do keep telling myself this. And I still have the fake acct up and he's always on there. I know he doesn't regret losing me, he's too busy looking for someone else.

I know this is true. And I do keep telling myself this. And I still have the fake acct up and he's always on there. I know he doesn't regret losing me, he's too busy looking for someone else.

Just remember, this says a lot about him and how he conducts his life.

It's very shady and down right cowardly.

I know it's hard at the moment, but you need to thankful you found out now, rather than 2 years from now.

I get that 9 mo's and kids is not an easy thing to put behind you, but believe you deserve better.

I'm still in disbelief. I guess its gonna take some time for the shock to wear off.

It's not just me, the few people I've confided in were shocked, too.

He would have tried to keep me....not just walk away.....

Exactly this OP. The fact that he chooses to stand in his lie and not own it, despite it being blatantly obviously true, is pretty telling and cowardly.

I know it's hard but every time you think about wanting to go back with him... remember how this feels, remember this stupid dishonest thing he did, so you can stay strong.

What are the odds that he'll try to come back?

its very difficult to go thru this.... hang in there.. you really don't want him back. you are better off.... keep telling yourself that... every time he pops in your head say it

i dodge a bullet. i am better off.

What are the odds that he'll try to come back?

I almost said it earlier. The odds are high he'll make a return visit. But you don't want him to, right???

If he is contemplating a return visit, how is it he is putting things into motion while he's simultaneously on line shopping?

Someone who is considering what it would take to win you back doesn't do this.

Well, kookie people do maybe.

He lied to you, was shopping for your replacement behind your back and then walked away without so much as an apology.

There are some things you can't come back from. This is one of them.

Stay strong

We were together nearly 9 months.

 

I have my mom to call when I'm really feeling low. I'm just trying to keep to my normal routine and keep my mind busy.

 

It's so hard, though. Everything reminds me of him.

 

The hardest part is that I not only lost him, I also lost his children whom ive grown attached to. [/b] I guess I shouldn't have allowed myself to so soon, [/b] but I honestly thought he was genuine. Just a bit flaky. I guess I was in denial.

I'm sorry Mizz, I agree with the others it's better you found out now. I know it still sucks though.

In reference to the kids. I would say 9 months is rather quick to become attached to kids, and yes maybe you should hold off in the future. I wouldnt worry too much about them, they are young and they have a mommy and a daddy, they will recover, just like your daughter. If you're more upset about them than him well maybe that's where your connection was.

Sorry again.

I almost said it earlier. The odds are high he'll make a return visit. But you don't want him to, right???

 

If he is contemplating a return visit, how is it he is putting things into motion while he's simultaneously on line shopping?

 

Someone who is considering what it would take to win you back doesn't do this. Well, kookie people do maybe.

 

He lied to you, was shopping for your replacement behind your back and then walked away without so much as an apology.

 

There are some things you can't come back from. This is one of them.

Stay strong

I just want to be prepared. He does have to contact me eventually because we have to exchange stuff. I have a weedeater here that belongs to his job.

I just want to be prepared. He does have to contact me eventually because we have to exchange stuff. I have a weedeater here that belongs to his job.

Worry about that when the time comes.

Arrange to leave things on someone's porch or have a friend do it for you.

I'm sorry Mizz, I agree with the others it's better you found out now. I know it still sucks though.

 

In reference to the kids. I would say 9 months is rather quick to become attached to kids, and yes maybe you should hold off in the future. I wouldnt worry too much about them, they are young and they have a mommy and a daddy, they will recover, just like your daughter. If you're more upset about them than him well maybe that's where your connection was.

 

Sorry again.

It's not more them than him, they're just part of it.

I guess a positive from this relationship is I learned how to manage my anxiety better.

My first relationship, post divorce I became very attached to his daughters.

One in particular and her to me. I felt very guilty and selfish after I left. Noone more surprised then me.

Since that time I have kept my distance from SO's kids and kept mine away as well.

It's not fair to them to bring people into their lives just to have them disappear.

As if a divorce wasn't difficult enough.

I've had bf's that were a little offended that they didn't have access to my sons.

It didn't change my position. Short of marrying them, there just wasn't the need. I think we do it, at least initially out of convenience. You want to include everyone so you have more time together when we have custody time with our kids.

I just learned to manage my personal life when my sons were with their dad or at the friends house.

I didn't mix the two.

Plus, I saw what my sons went through when they were exposed to their fathers flavor of the week.

Kids are children for such a short time. Put them first. Don't underestimate the impact it has on them.

It's not more them than him, they're just part of it.

 

I guess a positive from this relationship is I learned how to manage my anxiety better.

It's funny you say that I got so much better with my anxiety with my most recent relationship even though it ended. It actually was very beneficial for me because I learned to manage it much better than I had before and I saw the benefits.

I'm actually taking a dating break right now and just learning who I am and what I want out of life. I would deffinetely take a break at least to heal.

Plus, I saw what my sons went through when they were exposed to their fathers flavor of the week.

Kids are children for such a short time. Put them first. Don't underestimate the impact it has on them.

I feel bad for his girls. They really enjoy coming to my house. They were helping me with my garden and its almost ready to harvest. :(

I just put my whole self into this relationship and that included treating them as my own.

I'm so confused. I dont understand why he would involve his children if he wasnt serious about me. Someone mentioned me may have used his children to make me feel secure and that thought sickens me.

Figure, I'm definitely taking a very long break. I keep having the same results, it's time I focus on me.

He should worry more about his kids and less about going from woman to woman. They are probably very confused as to what happened.