Just venting

I just DMed this girl I don’t really know on Instagram. It’s such a creepy move but I remember seeing her at a bar once and thinking she was extremely cute... I’m a female as well and have no idea if she’s even interested in other women but I figured I had nothing to lose and sent a message after deliberating for a while.

I’m freaking out a little bit because I’ve never done this before and I tried as hard as I could to not make it creepy but I’m sure it’ll come off creepy anyway because I know the feeling of random people sending messages and stuff like that.

Just venting and trying to get it all out..

These days, people use the Internet to do this all the time. It's how some people meet other people.

Hey, I saw you on Instagram and I liked your pics. Do you want to hang out?

I don't think it's creepy. It's the way people date these days. If she doesn't answer, don't give up and maybe try it again.

These days, people use the Internet to do this all the time. It's how some people meet other people.

 

Hey, I saw you on Instagram and I liked your pics. Do you want to hang out?

 

I don't think it's creepy. It's the way people date these days. If she doesn't answer, don't give up and maybe try it again.

I hope so... she’s like 3 years older than me getting her PhD at the university around here. I just messaged her saying that I know it’s awkward and creepy but I found her page through the locations tag of her most recent post and thought she was cute and felt like I had to say something and then told her that I’d love to get drinks or dinner if she was still around since she seems like she’s from around this area and gave her my number if she was interested

What does "DMed" mean?

I would not do it in your situation unless you were pretty sure she was interested in dating women. Maybe not directly analogous but I cannot stand when I get random messages on Facebook from people who I have mutual friends with but their underlying purpose in messaging is to see if I want to buy their skincare products or enroll in Beachbody, etc. Nothing in my profile suggests I'd be interested in being solicited/targeted for that kind of thing.

If this was a heterosexual situation and you knew the person was single I could see that more.

I hope so... she’s like 3 years older than me getting her PhD at the university around here. I just messaged her saying that I know it’s awkward and creepy but I found her page through the locations tag of her most recent post and thought she was cute and felt like I had to say something and then told her that I’d love to get drinks or dinner if she was still around since she seems like she’s from around this area and gave her my number if she was interested

I think this is too much too fast. Why not talk before jumping to asking her out?

I think this is too much too fast. Why not talk before jumping to asking her out?

Yes, this too. I think it's ok, if you know the woman is single and interested in dating women, to make that at least somewhat clear as to why you're contacting but yes, develop a rapport first.

There is no right answer. Go big or go home.

But I would lean on sending out a feeler message. A compliment. A topic of discussion.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. If she's interested she'll say so, if she's not, and she's a nice person, she'll let you know she's not in a very kind way.

If I had gotten a DM from a girl (I'm a straight female) expressing interest and asking me out, I'd politely say that I'm flattered but that I date men or that I have a boyfriend. Male/female, what's the difference?? I'd reply to a man in the exact same way.

Good luck!!

Thanks for all the responses. Yes I think my message was a bit forward and fast but I just wanted to get everything out there so she knew my intentions since we are both female.

To my surprise, she actually wrote back this morning saying that it’s nice to meet me and that she’d be down to hang out but my timing isn’t great because she’s leaving town in about a week for 5 months to do field research. She then asked me to tell her about myself which I did.. had some back and forth and am waiting for a response back currently. Not rushing anything at this point

That's nice that she responded. It sounds like she is not interested in pursuing anything, otherwise she would have asked if she could contact you when she returns or try to maintain contact. She seems pleasant and polite and I'd let it just politely fade out.

That's nice that she responded. It sounds like she is not interested in pursuing anything, otherwise she would have asked if she could contact you when she returns or try to maintain contact. She seems pleasant and polite and I'd let it just politely fade out.

You think so? I got the impression that she was open to the idea of it since after I told her more a little bit about myself, she continued to ask more questions about me. I figured it would’ve been easy to end things to without asking me more but I guess it’s just up in the air right now

You think so? I got the impression that she was open to the idea of it since after I told her more a little bit about myself, she continued to ask more questions about me. I figured it would’ve been easy to end things to without asking me more but I guess it’s just up in the air right now

I think if she was enthusiastic about potentially meeting you in person she would have made it clear that she'd like to do so when she returns. Right now she's interested in chatting with you and is probably flattered at the attention. Right now she is interested in chatting only.

I think if she was enthusiastic about potentially meeting you in person she would have made it clear that she'd like to do so when she returns. Right now she's interested in chatting with you and is probably flattered at the attention. Right now she is interested in chatting only.

I suppose you’re right.... 5 months is a long way out though to want to meet someone especially someone you don’t know at all. I figured she wanted to get to know me before deciding if she wanted to meet me in person. She takes a really long time to respond though and will read my message but not reply for hours so she probably isn’t interested. No hard feelings, she was nice for even responding

Yes I agree. Certainly she probably doesn’t want to meet right now and if she is interested she’ll get in touch when she returns and her tone plus her actions will tell you if she sees this as more than pleasant chit chat between strangers.

Well she just responded today to my message. And asked how my weekend was. She apologized for the delay in response, said she’s not good with her phone and things have been crazy since she’s leaving so soon.

Sounds like a positive interaction -I think you'll know more if you resume contact when she returns from her trip. Are you now friends on FB?

Sounds like a positive interaction -I think you'll know more if you resume contact when she returns from her trip. Are you now friends on FB?

No, we have been communicating through Instagram messages. That’s where I messaged her first... I didn’t follow her either. I didn’t want to follow her/add her before establishing more of a connection

I saw her at a bar tonight... pretty sure she saw me too. I was with my friends and she was with hers so neither one of us said anything to each other

OK. Sounds like that was her priority and yours -to be with your friends.