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Is he using me for sexting?


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I met a guy online 2.5 months ago. We hit it off straight away, and saw each other nearly every day for 3 weeks. He then had to travel back to the Caribbean, as he splits his time between there and the UK (due to his family’s business). I have no concerns whatsoever that he is leading a double life, and before he left we had a heartfelt chat agreeing that we would keep in touch while he was away and pick up where we left off when he gets back. My concern now is that the vast majority of the messages he sends, are either sexual or have sexual connotations. He doesn’t show any interest in asking me how I am or how my days been etc, it is all either jokes or sexts that he sends me. My friends are getting really cross with me saying they don’t like the sound of him and I should forget him, but I can’t!! I feel that the best thing to do is to see how he is with me when he gets back, and then have a discussion if needs be. In the mean time I’m feeling anxiety over the situation. I would really like to hear an outsider’s perspective on this, or if anyone had experienced anything similar? Thanks

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Have you tried to redirect him and is he at all interested in being anything other than sexual with you?

If it were me, I would tell him that I would be dialing back the sexting. If he's at all interesting in talking to me, to let me know.

See what his reaction is. .

Definitely do not continue doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.

How soon until he returns?

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Yes I have experienced this. I am upfront that I want my relationships to be about more than just sex... like I love sexting as much as the next person but not all the dam time... for me their needs to be a balance... if the other person isn't willing to accommodate by dialing back on the sexting then I assume it means they just want me for a booty call and I tell them I am not interested.

 

Unless of course you ARE interested in being pretty much purely sexual with this guy... then go for it! Because that can be fun too :)

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If you had sex with him after just meeting him then he's going to expect to keep that dynamic going with you. If you don't like it then by all means tell him that you'd rather save that sort of thing for when he returns (if he returns).

 

You don't even know this guy except for three weeks of him telling you whatever he wanted to that he thought would be what you wanted to hear. Don't be too surprised if he stops talking to you altogether once you lay down some boundaries... and, whatever you do, don't be afraid to lay down boundaries because those are what keep you safe from being taken advantage of by strangers... he IS a stranger.

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Last time I had a guy texting me primary for sex (sexting, phone sex or whatever) , he turned out to be a sex maniac(he was LD too). I'm not saying that your guy may be one, but the lack of personal questions would definitely rise my concerns. A person who is genuinely interested in you as a person, would not keep the conversations just around sex.

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He wouldn't really be leading a double-life if he hasn't committed to you. He might be seeing other women there, and that would be his prerogative if you two are not a couple. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but it doesn't appear you two made a commitment to each other, unless I'm missing something.

 

But in any event, yes, it sounds like this is primarily a sex-driven connection for him. I would stop engaging with that if you don't like it, and I can totally understand why you are uneasy with this. Be honest with him. You will know very quickly if he has any interest beyond a little adult fun.

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It's up to you what you want. If you want to sext with him until he stops by and visits again then that's ok. Keep in mind, you're not in a relationship and both agreed to "keep in touch" until you see each other. It sounds like you are trying to build a relationship but he is trying to maintain the fling feeling so there's a bit of confusion about what "keep in touch" means. If you don't want sexts, then don't respond to them.

agreeing that we would keep in touch while he was away and pick up where we left off when he gets back.
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