Am I wasting my time?

Been dating a guy for over one year. During that time, I have taken him to many family functions out of town and paid for the hotels and gifts to go along with it. He has met my inner circle of friends and my family on numerous occasions. While he seemed generous and thoughtful during the first year he has not been the same for the last five months. We talked about living together several months ago and he seemed in favor of it. As a result, I have taken steps to ready my home for sale and plan to list it in about a month. I’ve also started to look for places to live which is located between each of our homes parentheses we live 75 miles apart and parentheses. Only see him on Saturday afternoon until Sunday after dinner because he works Monday through Friday and Saturday morning. This is one of the reasons I thought we both wanted to live together. He promised me during our first year that we would go away on weekends go on day trips and go to concerts. However the only trips we have taken have been the five trips that I have brought him on including a cruise to Alaska and one night that we went to Florida to see his son perform his son perform in a musical at school. During the first year he would find me little gifts and send flowers on occasion but he hasn’t bothered with anything since the holidays last December when I he bought me a discontinued piece of costume jewelry. He he earns a good living but I feel like I’m the only one always taking care of things I’ve hinted that I’d like to go away on my birthday this year since it’s on a weekend and he said he is better planning trips so I should do the research but if he is presuming we paying for it how am I to choose? He used to tell me that he loved me but he doesn’t tell me those things anymore he does however hold my hand and shows me some affection. Needless to say I’m always the one paying not only for the trips that also all the gifts for the various events even though I put his name on the gifts which I’m OK with but he has never invited me to any of his family functions and I have never met any of his friends. I’ve met his adult kids a few times and his sister in elderly mother once but he sees them all the time. He promised my son to dinner at a restaurant he chose for the holidays last December but despite reminders for my son he never takes in and despite me buying gifts for the holidays for his kids. Then he was supposed to go to New York The day with my son for his show and I put the bus tickets which were nonrefundable and cost $60 per person. He canceled at the last minute and hinted at it I hinted I lost the bus ticket money but he never offered to reimburse me. He has been divorced for many years and his ex-wife is remarried. I do have two adult kids like him but my son has Aspergers so he can be a bit of a handful it my son is sweet but he does need some attention from me and I think maybe that’s turning him off? My son does live independently and has a job. He still pays for dinners when we go out Thoughts ?

Well, I think you know what's up, you just need some confirmation. His actions are probably the reason he got divorced. He's taking you for granted, not putting any effort into the relationship, and is basically putting everything on you. And that's what your life will be like with his guy if you move in together. I would urge you not to put your house up for sale and think about ending the relationship because things aren't working out. He's not much of a boyfriend.

It really feels to me like he doesn't take you seriously and is clearly using you. There is no need to be so generous. That should be a two way street.

Well, I think you know what's up, you just need some confirmation. His actions are probably the reason he got divorced. He's taking you for granted, not putting any effort into the relationship, and is basically putting everything on you. And that's what your life will be like with his guy if you move in together. I would urge you not to put your house up for sale and think about ending the relationship because things aren't working out. He's not much of a boyfriend.

On the money. He's just cruising through it without putting in any effort.

I hinted I lost the bus ticket money but he never offered to reimburse me.

Don't hint. Tell him straight out that you need to be reimbursed for the bus ticket money.

He has become complacent in this relationship, and considering you have been with him for just over a year, it's not going to get better anytime soon.

I think you deserve far better.

It is very hard to tell your partner to contribute financially so I would just stop paying anything. I would tell him I would be very happy to spend a weekend or go on vacation and it would be great if he organize it this time. I would tell him directly I miss very much the time when he was so kind to me and made me happy with small gestures of attention. If nothing changes - walk away before he asks you for some cash........ Good luck!

Sorry to hear this, but it sounds like he's checked out of the relationship. Unfortunately it sounds like you are keeping it on life support by pushing everything forward unilaterally and making all the plans, paying for everything, etc.

Take your home off the market, pull way back and stop all the planning, paying, etc and see if he steps up. Then you'll have your answer.

I have taken steps to ready my home for sale. I’ve also started to look for places to live which is located between each of our homes. I’m always the one paying not only for the trips. he has never invited me to any of his family functions and I have never met any of his friends.

He's backing up off of your relationship. He isn't interested in investing any more of himself than he really needs to to keep you lulled into the sense that you have something with him.

What you think you have with him? You don't. He doesn't think so, either. His actions are proving that.

If he was 100% present, this thread wouldn't have been started.

I think it's time to stop investing in "what you wished would be" and start focusing on "what is".

Unlist your home and stay where you are. His actions are telling you that he doesn't want you living with him, despite what he's saying to you---that's for him to not feel so badly about how he's dealing with you.

I just read your topic here. As far as i understated the girl is cheating with you. It is very bad for every man. So you should leave her.

Please do not sell your home. If you choose to move in with someone, keep your home and rent a place together. you have not known him long enough anyhow. I think your instincts are good and that you should not go forward. Its okay that this guy doesn't buy gifts, but the fact that you seem to foot the bill for everything is disturbing. he should be reciprocating in some way (ie, when you are in his town, he foots the bill for dinner and when he is at your house, you buy the food and he sometimes brings something) If he is not including you in family functions at this point, you aren't enough in his inner circle.

I think he *will* move in with you if you do ALL the work - sell your home, find a place to live, perhaps, but its not worth it. Stay in your area near where your kids are and either continue to date him and set better boundaries or find someone else.