My Friend (Frenemy?) The Harsh Critic

I've been a young looking guy my whole life. Bouncers didn't want to let me into bars without micro-analyzing my driver's license up until I was 35 yrs old. I also do some acting work in which I usually play younger roles. I have a friend, let's call him "John" who harshly criticized my last film. He says things like "You're too old!" and "The truth hurts doesn't it?!" He is also infatuated with my female co-star and heaps praise on her. He adds statements like, "She's a better actor than you!" Allow me to add that when I sometimes date younger women, John is demanding of all the details. I don't get the sense he is not really in my corner. John is sort of the opposite of me in appearance. He went bald in his early 30's, but he enjoys telling me "You're too old." and "You are full of vanity, taking these younger roles." John insists he's being a true friend with his direct criticism. Sometimes I get along with John, but "John the Harsh Critic" always comes out when he sees me with a younger woman. Could jealousy be at the heart of John's wrath toward me?

Your friend is trying to feel better about himself by criticizing you. I wouldn't listen to what he has to say, and if he's affecting your confidence, dump him. You don't need someone who is always putting you down. Have fun, and if you're dating younger women, who cares? He's just jealous. Maybe find some new friends.

Why do you keep this person as a friend? I agree he's trying to make himself feel better but it's at your expense.

Constructive criticism is fine at times, but that's not what he's doing. He's verbally attacking you. It's up to you if you want to remain friends or not, but if you remain, you need to teach him how to treat you. You can tell him that his verbal attacks, no matter how he will attempt to sugarcoat them as helpful in his eyes, are toxic to the relationship, and if he does it again, you will end the outing with him by walking away or making him leave your home, or end the phone conversation. If he loses the pleasure of your company, he will come to the realization that either he needs to stop the nonsense or lose your friendship.

Sounds like a bad bromance you need to end.

Thanks a lot for the feedback. That's the sense I got from the whole situation. He used to be cool. But over the past year, he's either tried to guilterize me or play Devil's advocate all of the time. Who need that?

Yup - "verbal attacks" are precisely what they are. Yes, he's toxic too. I've been friends with him for a long time. But his level of hate toward me may end up in me jettisoning this frenemy. Thank you for the advice!

Because we've been friends since we were teenagers - and he used to be cool. Yes, you are right. He's morphed into a full & complete hater. The unfriending process has begun. I haven't responded to him since creating this post - which what shortly after the zenith of his nastiness & cover hatred toward me. Thank you for replying.

Im going through this... but with a friend who has turned mean... passive aggressive and gossips! Its hard but dude you deserve better. You will feel better once you decide you don't need that in your life...