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Thread: He doesnít read my message for 12+ hours

  1. #1
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    He doesnít read my message for 12+ hours

    Okay,

    Iím going to call this guy Jay. Jay checked out my profile on EHarmony. But by the time I returned to my profile almost 2 weeks had passed.

    I sent Jay a message because we have a ton in common.

    We have been messaging back and forth for 5 days now. At first his responses were hours apart. We trade maximum 1-2 messages a day. Always balanced in length and questions.

    It might be because it is mid week now, instead of the weekend, but it often takes far more than 12 hours to hear back from Jay.

    Example, if I reply at 6:00 AM to a message he sent at 10:00 PM, I likely donít hear back until 9:00PM and the message will be unread all that time.

    Iíve heard people say not to read into messaging intervals but Iíve also heard people say it reflects interest...

    All I can think is that maybe he isnít that interested. I also messaged him first which also camouflages his interest level.

    I know you will all want me to chill. I get all in my head. Mainly I just want peace of mind :)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Well what if he can say the same of you.

    You donít read his messages for 8 hours.

    Also, you werenít active for two weeks.

    Also, maybe heís bored of messaging.


    Stop over thinking.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Well what if he can say the same of you.

    You donít read his messages for 8 hours.

    Also, you werenít active for two weeks.

    Also, maybe heís bored of messaging.


    Stop over thinking.
    I wondered if this would come up. I wouldnít care if he were silent for 10 PM to 6 AM ó Iíd assume he was sleeping :)

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You are waaaaayyyyy over thinking. You are trading messages via this dating site. This means he is not logging except at times that he does and then he responds. Do not expect a stranger you've never even met to be all into you. Only psychos act like that. What he is doing is actually normal. Arrange a meet and greet, aka coffee or drinks, in real life and see if there is enough chemistry to warrant an actual date in the future. Messaging and all these online exchanges mean exactly nothing until you meet face to face and decide mutually that there is enough real life attraction to proceed.

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  6. #5
    Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    Hey Firstdates,

    I can't really speculate as to Jay's specific circumstances, but I recently decided to actively scale back my text or message interactions with people I am interested in. I have traditionally been extremely chatty and talkative over text, (and I still am with friends) but I have realised this hasn't served me well in forming romantic relationships - it is too difficult to convey intent or interest through text without stuff like body language or tone. Not only that, but I realised that the notion of 'getting to know someone over text BEFORE the first date' is actually very new and I'd much rather learn about someone face to face. I do still reply relatively fast to text messages, usually within 2 hours, but thats because I can given my circumstances. I don't really worry too much about someone reply to me (although, conversely, if someone took a day or more to reply to an invitation, they may find I have made other plans in the mean time).

    My overall point is that given there was a long time between his initial message and your reply, and the way the conversation seems to taper off over text, if you are interested set up a coffee date or something.

    Hope that helps,

    T

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    My first thought? He's not as interested as you would like him to be. People take their phones with them everywhere, it takes two seconds to look at a message and reply.
    You could be at work or on a break or whatever, and if you are into this person, you'll reply. 12 hours? Nah...he's not into it.
    Or there could be other possibilities that are just as real, he's talking to more than just you, or he's married.

    If you need to be asking if he's interested, then yes, something is off.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by WaywardKiwi
    Hey Firstdates,

    I can't really speculate as to Jay's specific circumstances, but I recently decided to actively scale back my text or message interactions with people I am interested in. I have traditionally been extremely chatty and talkative over text, (and I still am with friends) but I have realised this hasn't served me well in forming romantic relationships - it is too difficult to convey intent or interest through text without stuff like body language or tone. Not only that, but I realised that the notion of 'getting to know someone over text BEFORE the first date' is actually very new and I'd much rather learn about someone face to face. I do still reply relatively fast to text messages, usually within 2 hours, but thats because I can given my circumstances. I don't really worry too much about someone reply to me (although, conversely, if someone took a day or more to reply to an invitation, they may find I have made other plans in the mean time).

    My overall point is that given there was a long time between his initial message and your reply, and the way the conversation seems to taper off over text, if you are interested set up a coffee date or something.

    Hope that helps,

    T
    Thanks T,

    I should clarify. I messaged him, the lag was when he visited my page. He did not message me until I messaged him.

    Thanks, yes I would like to meet him for coffee. I am hoping he will suggest it.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You could suggest meeting for coffee, you dont have to wait for him to do that.

    He could be married, have you considered that?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    My first thought? He's not as interested as you would like him to be. People take their phones with them everywhere, it takes two seconds to look at a message and reply.
    You could be at work or on a break or whatever, and if you are into this person, you'll reply. 12 hours? Nah...he's not into it.
    Or there could be other possibilities that are just as real, he's talking to more than just you, or he's married.

    If you need to be asking if he's interested, then yes, something is off.

    This is exactly what Iím feeling. :(
    But then Iím just basing everything off of how I am when Iím interested in getting to know someone :)

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    12+ hours is a heck of a long time, especially when the majority of people have their phones on them at all times. So yes, you've got reason to wonder.

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