Boyfriend always watching pornography..

I need some insight on an issue I'm having with my relationship. For some background info my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have a 3 month old together. We also have a very healthy sex life normally have it everyday even now with a baby.

We do not live together permanently we live together at his dad's most of the time because he has a large house and we cannot afford a mortgage right now. But some times I go back to my parents in another city for a eek or so with the babe because I am lonely at his dad's and want to see my family. During these times I am gone I know he is watching porn every day. He will make jokes to me when we text that he's going to watch it. I see video on video on his laptop. I know he only does it when I am not there but it kind of makes me feel.. Grossed out? Unhappy? Jealous even that he is looking at all this.

I also seen on his Instagram he saves pictures of porn stars and women with their ass out etc so he clearly is looking up all this stuff. It definitely bugs me. He is loyal to me and always makes me feel attractive but I just can't shake this feeling that I don't like him staring at all these girls when I am gone for a few days or a week whatever. I don't remember him being this horny in past years. I also watch porn but I do not save pics of naked men etc...

Anyway I know I should get over it and I try not to let it bug me but it still does and I resent him a bit for it for whatever reason :/ especially because we Do have such a healthy sexual relationship and I know he loves sex with me etc

So I'm a guy and I too watch porn. And I can honestly tell you that as a guy watching porn means absolutely nothing to us other then the fact we just want to quickly whip out a quick release and be done. Mainly because it's very convenient and quick. Please believe me. But, here's the kicker. When I'm done I totally, 100% block out anything porn related. It's not even on my radar until I get a little horny again but just want that quick release so I can get on with life.

Now what I do find a little disturbing about your man is the fact that he is saving pictures, videos and posting on Instagram? That's sorta taking it too far and pretty disrespectful to you. Maybe you should talk to him about not doing that anymore. But otherwise so as long as it doesn't get worse and he stops posting pics on Instagram you really shouldn't worry too much about this.

Well, a few facts. Guys are visually oriented and they like looking at porn. Just about 98% of all men look at porn at least once a month (about 40% of girls look at porn). Both sexes are titillated by naked human bodies, that's why you see naked women in both men's and women's magazines. I always say that if a guy isn't watching porn, he's not interested in sex. Sometimes guys use porn to get horny before sex so they don't disappoint their lovers in bed. (It's a big ego problem if a guy can't perform.) Guys also use porn for relief when their lovers aren't around.

So none of this reflects on you. But a lot of women get jealous of porn thinking that somehow guys should control their urges and that they should be enough for them. That kind of thinking is just unrealistic and I think porn keeps a lot of guys keep their urges under control. Porn is not cheating, and in fact, it can help guys to not cheat.

So try to ignore it. Maybe you can tell him to keep the porn under wraps so you don't see it. But don't argue about it because guys can't help themselves (as 98% of men will tell you.) And for men, sex and love are two different things. Porn does not make men love their lovers any less.

Eight words:

If your sex life is good, stop worrying.

OP, have you talked to him about this? Does he know how you feel?

Hi @Lexy2301, I do empathize with how you are feeling and I can tell you from experience that any form of porn addiction is not healthy and can be detrimental to a relationship. I would suggest you don't ignore your feelings and instinct but find a way to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend as to how you are feeling. The truth is love is respectful and takes into consideration the other person's feeling, so I do hope that your boyfriend will listen to you and consider how you are feeling. All the best.

 

Anyway I know I should get over it

Yes. You're borrowing trouble.

You're getting great advice on here.

Look, if it's an issue for you than it's an issue for you. If it's insurmountable it's insurmountable. If so, then dating him has taught you a non-negotiable: you don't want to date a dude who's into porn.

That said, what you've described to me is in many ways a very healthy, very honest relationship. Your dude looks at porn, likes it, doesn't hide that. His looking at porn does not prevent him from showing you affection and support, and from wanting you sexually. If he was looking at porn and NOT sleeping with you—well, that's where the real problems start.

The question here is whether or not you can be comfortable being with a dude who likes porn. Because that's who he is—it's not going to change, and if you try to create some rule system it's going to mean he's having to mold himself into a less sincere version of his truth. The moment that happens is the moment a seed of resentment is placed, and simmering resentments, in the end, is what kills a lot of otherwise good relationships.

Maybe there's a way for you guys to talk about this—not in the jokey text way, but with more depth—so you can be a little more comfortable understanding the impulses. That it's a him thing, not a verdict-on-you thing.