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Thread: Childhood abuse

  1. #1

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    Childhood abuse

    So my husband confided in me that he was molested as a child. I was the first person he'd ever told, so I know talking about it is hard for him. I was hoping some of you could offer insight on the mind set of a male who had been sexually assaulted as a child.
    It seemed like his biggest fear was me seeing him as weak or a victim. He also can get really stressed out during sex and if something goes wrong or sometimes just randomly, he snaps to this state where he is simultaneously angry and overly apologetic. Once he's calmed down, he'll want to ignore it and now I'm really thinking this could be related. I want to try to understand what's going on in his head.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He has just made himself extremely vulnerable to you . And it shows that he trusts you . Be very supportive . You can suggest getting therapy but that will be in his own time . Just be there for him if he ever wants to talk . And tell him you donít view him as a victim or weak. It is extremely brave for him to tell you .

    I was sexually abused as a child by several different people . And our worst fear is being judged and re-victimized by those who love us . Just be supportive and there to listen and support what he wants to do .

    I have undergone a lot of therapy and many different therapies and I am much better today . I had a lot of problems with sexual acts when I first met my husband because heís the only person that I ever had consensual sex with . Just be as supportive and understanding as you can .

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't pry, ask questions, play therapist, etc. If he wants to talk more about it, he will.
    Originally Posted by LongDrives
    I want to try to understand what's going on in his head.

  4. #4
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    Hi there,

    Although it might not mean much, I hope that your husband treats himself with every degree of kindness that he deserved as a child.

    I also believe that NAMI might offer group sessions that you would be welcome to attend for perspective.

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  6. #5
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    There is a very strong political climate that there has to be a great deal of fall out and damage from sexual experiences that one gets from childhood, any other outcome is simply seen as unacceptable. Much of this comes out of the victimhood culture that seems to dominate presently. I think that these experiences can be found on a spectrum from being able to move on and having productive meaningful lives with little or no fallout to on the other end of the spectrum from a great deal of emotional distress or worse. I think that it is nearly impossible to sort out what the actual source of the emotional turmoil is. It certainly is not possible to divine it from a few sentences on an online forum.

    So it would be natural and perhaps even comforting to think that stress during sex or even other interactions you have with your husband is because of specific childhood incidences, or even because of a specific person he knew in his childhood. I am not saying it is not possible, but I am also saying there is very little evidence for it, and it is very tempting to play psycho-analyst to come up with reasons that have nothing to do with you or your husband, that it is all those other factors. I tend to take these things at face value, if you are having these problems with your husband then the reason lies with you and your husband.


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