Dealing with Sadness

Morning,

I suffer from depression and anxiety and occasionally I experience an extreme sense of sadness for no obvious reason. It can be so bad that it hinders my ability to perform basic tasks like feed myself etc.

I just experienced a wave of sadness about 45 minutes ago that was about 6/19 in severity but even that was enough to throw me off from what I was supposed to be doing today.

I told myself it would pass and that I would do my best in the meantime to look after myself and feel better and ask for ideas on here. I needed to eat so I focused on that and sat in the sun. Then decided I will window shop for a bit as that might help.

Luckily it passed pretty quickly it’s now about 1or 2 out of 10 after less than an hour. But for more severe and prolonged bouts of sadness, what do you do to cheer yourself up or at least prevent yourself feeling worse?

I’m a long drive from home right now so I can’t just go for a jog or see friends etc. I’m looking for techniques for when I’m alone or at work.

Thanks xx

I make sure to do cardio every single day (at least 30 minutes, usually closer to 35 and on a typical day I also get in 10-20 minutes a few times a day of other cardio) except one day per year or when I am very sick. It balances me for the day - and for me digestion affects my mood too (maybe for everyone!) and it helps with that as well. So even if you're at work find a way to move around, be in motion even if it is doing leg lifts in place with your door closed (and if you can listen to some music all the better). Also find podcasts to listen to, or text/call a friend who you can listen to (not vent to).

Surprisingly, although I never, ever look forward to scrubbing floors, which I have to do a few times a week, very often it lifts my mood -it feels like an accomplishment to see the floor shiny and wet and then dry and clean, it's good exercise since I do this the old fashioned way my mother and grandmother did (hands and knees) and it doesn't take that long -short term gratification. I also "angry clean" sometimes.

One of my friends just recently blogged about her extreme bouts of sadness over her mother's recent passing- literally feeling ok then collapsing on the floor when she's alone (she is married with kids but won't do this in front of them) and the dog licks her something silly. She was extremely close with her mom and her mom did amazing things with her life that are part of very important historical events. Anyway, she just rides through it it seems and she doesn't panic over it. And yes I believe at times in her life she's had depression, aside from the sadness over her mom's recent passing.

I think it's ok not to eat when you're sad. I think it takes a really long time for your body to have true adverse reactions to not eating (drinking water is more important at those times IMO). Meaning I wouldn't pile on to "I feel sad" any anxiety over "uh oh I skipped a meal!".

Biochemical depressions are worse in the am. You're doing everything right so far. Feel better.

Any type of "mindless", organizing/cleaning work should help.

I make sure to do cardio every single day (at least 30 minutes, usually closer to 35 and on a typical day I also get in 10-20 minutes a few times a day of other cardio) except one day per year or when I am very sick. It balances me for the day - and for me digestion affects my mood too (maybe for everyone!) and it helps with that as well. So even if you're at work find a way to move around, be in motion even if it is doing leg lifts in place with your door closed (and if you can listen to some music all the better). Also find podcasts to listen to, or text/call a friend who you can listen to (not vent to).

 

Surprisingly, although I never, ever look forward to scrubbing floors, which I have to do a few times a week, very often it lifts my mood -it feels like an accomplishment to see the floor shiny and wet and then dry and clean, it's good exercise since I do this the old fashioned way my mother and grandmother did (hands and knees) and it doesn't take that long -short term gratification. I also "angry clean" sometimes.

 

One of my friends just recently blogged about her extreme bouts of sadness over her mother's recent passing- literally feeling ok then collapsing on the floor when she's alone (she is married with kids but won't do this in front of them) and the dog licks her something silly. She was extremely close with her mom and her mom did amazing things with her life that are part of very important historical events. Anyway, she just rides through it it seems and she doesn't panic over it. And yes I believe at times in her life she's had depression, aside from the sadness over her mom's recent passing.

 

I think it's ok not to eat when you're sad. I think it takes a really long time for your body to have true adverse reactions to not eating (drinking water is more important at those times IMO). Meaning I wouldn't pile on to "I feel sad" any anxiety over "uh oh I skipped a meal!".

What types of cardio do you do (I know you have mentioned power-walking before). I used to go swimming regularly but I haven’t been recently as it costs money, takes a lot of time and I haven’t found a bath local to me that I like.

I do star jumps when I’m desperate for a boost in motivation so that might help if I do that every morning?

Unfortunately if I don’t eat and drink regularly I am likely to get migraine so skipping meals is a real source of anxiety for me. Also when I have my episodes of depression or anxiety, when I do eat it tends to be binging sugary foods and takeaways which also gives me migraine. 😑

I used to work myself into a state when I got random unexplained negative feelings. Like your friend I have learnt to accept the feeling and just ride it out. It took a lot of work to accept that it won’t last forever and to trust my ability to cope.

Biochemical depressions are worse in the am. You're doing everything right so far. Feel better.

Thanks. I’ll try

Any type of "mindless", organizing/cleaning work should help.

Yes, I have a bad habit of neglecting my personal hygiene and housework when I am depressed so it would be ideal to make that a recovery tool.

Oh Batya, I used to volunteer at a dogs home, walking the dogs. I could try find one near to my new place as the interaction with the dogs would be something to look forward to.

I could try jogging up the steps at work after my hourly toilet break. (I have the bladder of an 80 year old) 🤣

My asthma does get in the way of doing hard cardio. I do go for long walks (1h+). Is that suitable in terms of cardio?

My asthma does get in the way of doing hard cardio. I do go for long walks (1h+). Is that suitable in terms of cardio?

I think if your heart is beating faster then that’s cardio so use this as a guide. When I go walking if it’s hilly or I’m walking fast then I really sweat and my heart rate raises, sometimes quite a lot. I will jog downhill when possible if I have the energy or am short of time.

Been feeling really crappy again as my “routine” was upset by a work trip, so going for a long walk in the sun today.

I think if your heart is beating faster then that’s cardio so use this as a guide. When I go walking if it’s hilly or I’m walking fast then I really sweat and my heart rate raises, sometimes quite a lot. I will jog downhill when possible if I have the energy or am short of time.

 

Been feeling really crappy again as my “routine” was upset by a work trip, so going for a long walk in the sun today.

Find something where a work trip does not interfere with daily (or at least 5 times a week) cardio of at least 30 minutes. My routine changes a lot -my husband travels, child gets sick, or I have to otherwise be with him when I would have gone. So, I do quite a bit of planning including back up strategies. I have a walk at home DVD I use as a last resort if my husband is traveling and my son is home with me, I get up earlier to get it done, I bring workout gear to work (meaning comfortable clothing, sneakers, water bottle) if I have to be in very early for a meeting, and go during lunchtime or a break time, etc. It's worth the time investment to plan the alternatives so that unless you are sick or there is a true emergency you can make the time and you have no excuses because when you've planned in advance, it's all set up already.

I also have my work out clothes on my night stand so if I'm doing it first thing or right after I drop my son off I'm already in the exercise mindset and ready to go. I had to switch to another method for the last month because school let out and I take him to camp. The camp is about 2 miles from our home. I prefer cardio on the treadmill in the morning so I can watch TV but this is life for now- so I do my power walk home from his camp and add on a bit at the end to make it a bit more than a half hour. I mapped out the best route in advance and also mapped out routes that will end at a favorite food market, etc. Yes, it's mundane -the details -and yes, with the advance planning it doesn't feel as challenging to get it done even if your routine is off. I'm sure your work trip was not 24/7 for example (I've been on a few that are but most are not).

I've been exercising regularly since 1982 except when I was pregnant once, and shortly after, and I've been doing the daily cardio routine for the last 6 years or so. Prior to that it was at least 3 and more like 5 times a week plus I walked briskly to work one direction at least (around a half hour). I'm in my early 50s. Make it part of your routine and lifestyle is my strong suggestion. Earlier the better.

Find something where a work trip does not interfere with daily (or at least 5 times a week) cardio of at least 30 minutes. My routine changes a lot -my husband travels, child gets sick, or I have to otherwise be with him when I would have gone. So, I do quite a bit of planning including back up strategies. I have a walk at home DVD I use as a last resort if my husband is traveling and my son is home with me, I get up earlier to get it done, I bring workout gear to work (meaning comfortable clothing, sneakers, water bottle) if I have to be in very early for a meeting, and go during lunchtime or a break time, etc. It's worth the time investment to plan the alternatives so that unless you are sick or there is a true emergency you can make the time and you have no excuses because when you've planned in advance, it's all set up already.

 

I also have my work out clothes on my night stand so if I'm doing it first thing or right after I drop my son off I'm already in the exercise mindset and ready to go. I had to switch to another method for the last month because school let out and I take him to camp. The camp is about 2 miles from our home. I prefer cardio on the treadmill in the morning so I can watch TV but this is life for now- so I do my power walk home from his camp and add on a bit at the end to make it a bit more than a half hour. I mapped out the best route in advance and also mapped out routes that will end at a favorite food market, etc. Yes, it's mundane -the details -and yes, with the advance planning it doesn't feel as challenging to get it done even if your routine is off. I'm sure your work trip was not 24/7 for example (I've been on a few that are but most are not).

 

I've been exercising regularly since 1982 except when I was pregnant once, and shortly after, and I've been doing the daily cardio routine for the last 6 years or so. Prior to that it was at least 3 and more like 5 times a week plus I walked briskly to work one direction at least (around a half hour). I'm in my early 50s. Make it part of your routine and lifestyle is my strong suggestion. Earlier the better.

Hi Batya I was referring to my lack of sleep, ironically due to me trying too hard to get lots of exercise in. I had a short window to prepare as I was told around 3pm Friday I needed to fly Sunday at 7am. So I did my best to try and stay calm and see this as an opportunity to put my CBT techniques into practice as I find travelling very stressful. I did quite a good job and packed my walking gear and trainers. I overlooked my need for sleep though, I obly had 2hrs sleep after packing as I had to get up at 2:30 to get dressed and drive to the airport for my flight. Then I had a 5/6 hour drive in a manual car on the opposite side of the road. I’m used to driving an auto on the left side. That in itself was tiring. I arrived at 5pm and delivered the package required. Went to my room and showered, changed and went to eat. Had a normal bed time but no energy to exercising that day. Got up earlyish for breakfast and decided to explore and have a hike before I drive back (I was minutes from a National Park in a coastline). Was still very tired and dithering around and didn’t get to the start of my hike til around 4pm. Massively underestimated how long my hike would take as a third of it was on the beach which was very slow treading. Got back to bus stop and buses had stopped running at 7pm! So had to walk an extra 2 miles back to the car then drive all the way back to Hamburg. Car satnav said 3hr trip meaning I’d be back by 1am get a good 6 hours sleep before I had to be up for my flight. Well even going well above the recommended limit on the autobahn it took around 5hours due to a diversion. The hire car return wasnt we’ll sign posted so wasted around 40 minutes trying to find that. Checked into hotel around 4am but couldn’t sleep. Went straight back to work when I returned.

I’ve been trying to improve my sleeping habits and on this occasion I failed lol. Oh well, I’ll know better next time. Sleep is more important than exploring. I don’t regret it though, I will never go back there so glad I made the most of it. Just got to catch up on my missed sleep and not exert myself too much since I’m feeling delicate.

I think for me sleep is far more important than exercise and missing a good walk twice a week causes me less distress than missing a few hours sleep twice a week would. I need to focus on being strict at bedtime and get a routine that works for me. I’m really struggling with getting a sleep routine down.

That's great that you did the hike- that's exercise. I find -and many do as well -that exercise creates and enhances the energy level -so pushing yourself when you're too tired/low wenergy is a good thing (when you're sick of course, not as much). Sleep is very important. Getting 30 minutes of cardio in daily (or even 20) can be done even when time is limited. It can simply be part of getting from one place to another that you'd have to do anyway. It also helps you sleep a lot better if you exercise. I'm sorry you had all that travel and all that stress.

That's great that you did the hike- that's exercise. I find -and many do as well -that exercise creates and enhances the energy level -so pushing yourself when you're too tired/low wenergy is a good thing (when you're sick of course, not as much). Sleep is very important. Getting 30 minutes of cardio in daily (or even 20) can be done even when time is limited. It can simply be part of getting from one place to another that you'd have to do anyway. It also helps you sleep a lot better if you exercise. I'm sorry you had all that travel and all that stress.

I’m quite glad of the trip even though it was quite stressful I managed it reasonably well and it’s improved my confidence in myself to handle stressful situations, particularly instances that are likely to cause a migraine. I did get a migraine but recognised the signs early and responded as quickly as I could which worked and it went away!! Super happy about that.

Yes I researched that exercising earlier on in the day and getting lots of daylight helps your body become alert and transition to sleep. If I don’t have time for a hike or a jog I try and walk on my lunch break in the local woodland or I go for a walk on the golf course if I get up early and a last resort if I’m stuck for time is star jumps in the toilet at work lol. It gets my pulse raised so that’s better than nothing 😁

I’m quite glad of the trip even though it was quite stressful I managed it reasonably well and it’s improved my confidence in myself to handle stressful situations, particularly instances that are likely to cause a migraine. I did get a migraine but recognised the signs early and responded as quickly as I could which worked and it went away!! Super happy about that.

 

Yes I researched that exercising earlier on in the day and getting lots of daylight helps your body become alert and transition to sleep. If I don’t have time for a hike or a jog I try and walk on my lunch break in the local woodland or I go for a walk on the golf course if I get up early and a last resort if I’m stuck for time is star jumps in the toilet at work lol. It gets my pulse raised so that’s better than nothing 😁

Yes- even running up and down stairs. Work on getting to a place where you're not stuck for time because it's a top priority so that the only reasons you wouldn't exercise are a certain level of illness or if you're preparing for a medical procedure or had one and are told not to exert yourself. For example. Yesterday I was up at 5:30 and was with my son until my husband got up at 9:30. It's hot out.

I went to our small gym here and, unusually the treadmills were taken for at least another 20 minutes (no time for me to wait). The alternative was the bicycle which I really don't like or walking outside in the increasing heat. If I didn't make it a number one priority I would have used it as an excuse most likely. Instead, I grabbed my son's old stroller which doubles as a shopping cart and did my power walk with it so I could multitask -meaning since I was outside, power walk to the local supermarket and get my errands done (and then walk back but not as briskly -exhausting!). It took me 30 seconds to change my plan because I already have in my head the various alternatives there are, especially when I am pressed for time. Being outside was not my favorite but I'd already downloaded a This American Life podcast.

Again - if you have systems and routines and back ups in place including the podcasts (seriously) you won't be "stuck for time" or in the mindset of "If I wake up early". You moving around in the restroom is a great example of making it a priority and if you put in some more planning and effort you won't have to do that more than once or twice a year because you'll be ready for anything. Make it that important -that and hydration with plain old water - I'm no doctor but that combo has been a lifesaver for me. Ever since I increased my water intake my stomach issues are much less, and I really believe my skin is softer and that that is why. And it's relaxing and helps curb the urge to nibble/snack. JMHO!!

Wondering, why can't you go for a jog? I get you're away from home but don't get the correlation.

Exercise releases endorphins which help with depression (and anxiety).

I think the reason you felt better so fast this morn was cause you sat in the sun, I am out in the sun right now! As my pup is running around on the grass chasing who knows what. lol

Sunshine increases serotonin levels which also help with depression and anxiety.

I am speaking from experience, ever since incorporating these things into my life, I no longer needs meds, which I never liked anyway and am SO glad I'm off!

Also even if you're not hungry, please eat! Something healthy, like fruit. The natural sugars in fruit will give you a lift!

Window shopping is fun! Dangerous for me though cause it never ends at the window, I am always compelled to go in buy stuff, which also gives me a boost! Assuming you can afford.

Re exercise. It can become addicting once you realize how great it makes you feel!

I do Yoga and Pilates too, juxt started doing cardio and strength training, it's all good and really helps!

Wondering, why can't you go for a jog? I get you're away from home but don't get the correlation.

 

Exercise releases endorphins which help with depression (and anxiety).

 

I think the reason you felt better so fast this morn was cause you sat in the sun, I am out in the sun right now! As my pup is running around on the grass chasing who knows what. lol

 

Sunshine increases serotonin levels which also help with depression and anxiety.

 

I am speaking from experience, ever since incorporating these things into my life, I no longer needs meds, which I never liked anyway and am SO glad I'm off!

 

Also even if you're not hungry, please eat! Something healthy, like fruit. The natural sugars in fruit will give you a lift!

 

Window shopping is fun! Dangerous for me though cause it never ends at the window, I am always compelled to go in buy stuff, which also gives me a boost! Assuming you can afford.

 

Re exercise. It can become addicting once you realize how great it makes you feel!

 

I do Yoga and Pilates too, juxt started doing cardio and strength training, it's all good and really helps!

Great suggestions and insights and love the back to basics and vicarious-retail-therapy approach. I unfortunately was pathetically happy to order a not inexpensive foldable twin mattress to store in my son's closets for those nights he needs me to sleep in his room (he is too big to share a twin bed with now) and where the illness he has could result in him getting sick in our bed. I researched the heck out of it and didn't want an air mattress but yes, just clicking on buy on Amazon - definitely lifted my spirits. And -further lame retail therapy -I love good sheets so now I have the excuse to buy this new brand of sheets I've had my eye on for the new mattress. Life is exciting.