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LDR while emotionally struggling with a crisis?


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I (33, F) recently met a guy (30, M) who I think is great. We live 2-2.5 hours from each other.

 

However, he's been struggling over the past year with a personal crisis (will not go into details here). He left his job, bounced around apartment for a bit and is now living back home with his parents. He has PTSD and a lot of anxiety now because of the crisis, and he is working with a therapist on that. However, he seems quite lost. I know he wants to move ahead with new things but doesn't know what to do next or how to do so. I fully support him taking his time and continuing to work on his mental health, but I am concerned about dating someone long distance who is unemployed, living with his parents, and uncertain about a career. I don't know if I'd be a proper support.

 

Any thoughts on the viability of an LDR with one person in a state of great uncertainty?

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It's something like a 99.9% chance of failure. Don't do it to yourself. This is the mothering instinct in you. You want to heal the little bird's wing, or take care of a sick kitty. But what happens is that people with PTSD and anxiety just pull healthy people down. If he's not a family member, it's really not up to you to try to heal him. You don't have a stake in this game. You would be denying yourself a life and a chance at happiness. Just stay away and let his family take care of him.

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I wouldn't try to make a relationship happen with him. It is very, very unlikely to work.

 

He can't take care of himself; he won't be able in any way to attend to your emotional needs or the daily attentiveness generally required to maintain a relationship.

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Try not to date people that need an overhaul and repair this much. These are not good reasons for dating. Dating is about equals and partnerships, not playing parent, nurse, therapist, social worker, etc.

I am concerned about dating someone long distance who is unemployed, living with his parents, and uncertain about a career. I don't know if I'd be a proper support.
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