My girlfriend always stays neutral and it's hurting me

I have been dating my girlfriend for 10 months now and even though we have never had issues and we are actually best friends, whenever stuff happens she always chooses to stay 'neutral' so she won't harm anyone.

The first time she did it was after I helped a dear friend of us, it turned out our friend got pretty mad at me and he offended me to the point of making me cry and have a panic attack. My girlfriend, however, said that he had done it because he was afraid or something like that. I told her that it wasn't a reason for him to be that way with me and I explained how I felt to her. She decided to stay neutral and out of it.

A few days ago, I had a small discussion with a common friend of ours. Things ended up just great and I even asked our friend how she was feeling after all that happened, I apologized and tried to go normal with stuff. Our friend started to ignore me on our chat group and then she left the chat with the excuse of feeling ignored because my GF and I were talking and 'taking over the chat'. Our friend told the rest of our friends that I had acted like a , being possessive and that I didn't even apologized for what happened, something that was a lie and I showed all of our friends (my GF included) the text between me and that person, that proved my innocence. So, our friend decided to act like nothing had ever happened while all of us were trying to find a solution to a personal problem she had made public. I again suffered from panic attacks (I suffer from anxiety) and this time, even my girlfriend suffered from heavy anxiety. However, and after a terrible couple of days, my GF went back to talk with our friend as if nothing had happened, even though she knows our friends called me a , that she also cussed on my GF and that she had very bad opinions on our relationship after being on our side for a long time. Our friend has had problems with many persons because of her opinions, and now she had issues with me, even though I have supported her for years. My girlfriend, again, decided to stay neutral and saying our friend is a good person, that she doesn't wanna hurt people and that I should let it pass.

I was going to let it pass, but it honestly hurts me and angers me to know that even though she has the proofs right in front of her, she still decides to stay neutral because she 'can't get mad at them'. I feel like she doesn't care they hurt me, even though I have defended my GF so many times in the past from people that hurt her.

I think this isn't fair for me, and it makes me feel selfish for thinking that way.

Boy, you have problems and I hope you're seeing someone for these anger and anxiety issues. Your girlfriend is doing the right thing by staying neutral. It seems like you're going out of your way to pick fights with people both in person and online. Her staying "neutral" as you say, is actually she not wanting to call you on your bad, aggressive behavior. You should listen to her and follow her lead. If you keep acting like this, you're going to lose her and other friends as well.

You're not giving a lot of information, but in both cases, it seems like these people became angry with you after something that you did or said. What is it that made them angry with you in the first place?

Your girlfriend is behaving appropriately, IMO.

When you get into an argument with someone, it’s your argument. It’s your issue with that other person and your issue to resolve.

Your girlfriend, while your partner, is her own independent person. She can support you by listening to you, giving you advice, consoling you, etc. - just as she would if you had a problem with someone at work or someone she doesn’t know.

In no way does she need to jump on your bandwagon and be mad at them too. That’s kind of high-school bully/clique mentality - where if you are mad at someone all your friends have to be mad at them too.

Your girlfriend sounds very mature.

What are all these bad things other people are saying about you and your relationship?

Your gf is doing a great job being diplomatic and steering clear of drama as well as not getting sucked into people's arguments, debates and beefs. Lots to learn from her.

If you're telling her how it makes you feel, and she not only hears you and knows how you feel, but she goes and seeks out to befriend the person who created unnecessary drama with you, then your girlfriend has no sense of loyalty towards you.

The only thing I can say is when she's feeling attacked by someone, do what she does and when she complains, tell her "now you know how doing this makes me feel". Stop defending her from people who hurt her--in fact, befriend them like she does. Some people don't get the foulness of their actions until you give them a dose of their own medicine.

Other than that, if you're not going to end the relationship over her not ever having your back or any loyalty towards you, then learn how to be with her and be happy, quiet and content. You're going to have to work out how to not have a panic attack when being attacked while also checking your expectations of her to have your back---she's not going to have it. Everyone else's feelings are far more important to her than yours.