About to try long distance after a few months

Hello.

First off, thank you to anyone who is reading this. I really appreciate your time. Long story short, I got out of a 7yr toxic relationship a half a year ago. Spent several months getting to "know myself" better, working on goals I've set, etc. Out of the blue, I met someone about three months ago. He is seven years younger (I am 30, he is 23). We work in the same profession, but different businesses. We have been just friends, but in the past 6-8 weeks, has certainly grown to more than that. This person told me from the start that he would be leaving the area for a new job ~4hrs away. This job would require a 2-3yr contract/commitment. At first, it did not bother me. I never assumed I'd get romantically involved due to this. However, the heart wants what the heart wants. His feelings for me are identical, which is great.

We haven't sat down yet to talk about how we are going to do this once he leaves. We aren't "official," but are both not seeing others nor seeking others out. I feel great when I'm around him, and I know he feels the same. My question to those who have been here before: what are your recommendations for a LTR? I've always considered myself a "needy" person; as in, I want to always be around my significant other to hug/kiss/cuddle/enjoy life with. I've read stories that LTR makes the heart fonder, and when you are together, it increases that "bond."

I have a very successful job where I'm at, and am also contracted for another year. I do not foresee me leaving the job for him at this point in time... especially due to the money I make.

Any suggestions on how to make this flourish? Is it okay for me to be nervous? What recommendations do you have to ensure that we stay positive, faithful, and progressive in the months/years to come?

Thank you so much!!

Before you map out how to build a successful LDR, I would first sit down and talk with him to find out if he wants to continue dating after he leaves.

LDRs are tough under the best circumstances, and require a lot of commitment, trust and consistent communication. The two factors that immediately jump out at me as being potential flies in the ointment are his age and the fact you've only known each other a few months. You're not dealing with a huge age gap, of course, but at 23 he is likely in a different place in his life than you are at 30. It will be critical to discuss if he is thus looking for a committed relationship.

Trying to build a LDR when you're still in the early stages of a relationship can also be a challenge, since you're still getting to know each other. You have to work that much harder to be present in each other's lives.

Having said that, LDR can certainly be done if you both have the same goals. You need to find out first whether those goals are in fact similar, and then work on a plan to keep the momentum going after he leaves. When does he go?

I agree with some of what MissCanuck said, but you've only known this guy for 6-8 weeks and I feel he is a "rebound relationship" for you. After getting out of a 7-year relationship, you're afraid about breaking up with someone again. But as MissCanuck was alluding to, a 23-year-old guy might want a more partying type of lifestyle than you're looking for. And where you're not "official (it's only been 6-8 weeks), I think you're jumping to conclusions. Being 23, he's probably going to be hanging around with a lot of his workmates, and he's probably going to fall into a relationship while he is away.

So I would say that you can remain friendly with this guy, but don't try to do a long-distance relationship. It's hard enough on couples who've spent years together and had to separate. You have very little chance of being able to continue a relationship that's only 6-8 weeks old. Plus you probably need to do more healing. It's unrealistic to try to hold onto this guy and will only end in heartbreak with a stillborn relationship.

I have been in a LDR with my husband on and off while dating and engaged. In your situation I would not recommend it.

You both really need to be strongly committed to each other for it to work. He’s not going to be around 3 years and a lot can change. Even at two months of dating, you aren’t ready for that level of commitment which an LDR will demand. You both don’t know each other that well to guarantee the relationship would work.

I was close friends with my husband for about a year before we got together. My last relationship before him was with someone for 3 years who enlisted in the military; I was formerly engaged to him but it turned into an abusive relationship when he got back from deployment. I took almost a year off from dating after because I was not emotionally ready for a relationship (it was two years right after 9/11, I was dealing with my father’s PTSD because he was a 9/11 firefighter and witnessed F-ed up S at both the Pentagon and WTC, and then handling my former fiancé’s PTSD from his first tour in Afghanistan because he enlisted right after the tragedy).

Anyway I was only dating my husband locally for 10 months at community college before transferring to another university that was 3 hours away (and then my parents moved to another state where I couldn’t be with him when I returned during summer). I was at that school for 3 years... the worst years of my life... and was lucky to see him one weekend a month. Then we broke up on the third year to see other people because we were moving in different directions... got back together another year later from reuniting at a mutual friend’s party.

So based on my personal experiences of being in LDRs (military and school/work related), they are extremely difficult. They require so much work to “keep it alive” than a regular relationship, which is why I do not recommended to people who are in new relationships. You need at least several months to know it’s right before committing yourself to it or it’s not going to work. A LOT can change in 2-3 years.